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Specifically would like guys opinions on this..


PoopyBear

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I just had a 91 minute phone call from a guy I've seen 4 times in two weeks. He rang to arrange a movie date tomorrow evening..

 

Anyways, just before he hung up he said, "I don't want to get a text from you in 20 minutes saying stupid tish like, I wish you were laying beside me or something along those lines". "That's just too much heavy tish." I wouldn't have text him cos he doesn't text back, reckons he hates it.

 

Do guys hate knowing a woman is thinking about them? Why would they hate it? Do guys think a woman is "testing" how he feels when she texts words like this?

 

And just for the record, I wouldn't text him with stuff like that (yet lol), we've only had 4 dates!

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After 4 dates it is a little much and a bit rushing it. However, I don't see anything wrong with those types of texts/messages (but not constantly) after you have been together exclusively for a bit.

 

Some guys don't like the mushy stuff no matter what though - he's just letting his feelings known. If you enjoy that stuff - you should ought to let it be known too (eventually... perhaps not so soon?)... so you're not left with emotional needs when you get deeper into the relationship.

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Yeah when he said it I laughed and said, "but..." thats all I managed to say then he said, "there are no buts, just the way it is" I feel it would be too freaky too soon myself.

 

He's a bit of a free spirit and right now I honestly just want to enjoy his personality, I don't want to put any pressure on something that feels so good.

 

Oh and my 18yr old son says it's "freaky" when a girl says stuff like that lol

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Depends I guess... i know they secretly love it though.

But if I just met a guy and i said those kinds of things.... he'd probably find me annoying and all those things guys assume..

 

I wouldn't mind that kind of attention with a girl I'm in an LTR with. After a long time together, those kind of thoughts are nice. Early on, it would scare the hell out of me, because I have my own life that I enjoy and don't want to have to worry about this girl all the time. I think most guys would be the same.

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Wow...a bit rude on his part in my opinion. Was he being polite or being direct about it?

 

He was pretty direct about it. I text him on Saturday night and said, "wish you were here" and he said that was a bit I explained that it was during Earth Hour and I was at home with only candles for company and he said, "ok thats acceptable" I don't know exactly what to make of that cos when I'm with him he's quite affectionate towards me..

 

Its just too soon for mushy stuff..

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Hmm, he sounds fairly rude and abrasive to me. Even if it were to soon for "mushiness", there's no reason to say it like that (blunt, socially oblivious demands). If a partner/date said that to me I'd feel more than a little irritated and put-off, myself.

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Anyways, just before he hung up he said, "I don't want to get a text from you in 20 minutes saying stupid tish like, I wish you were laying beside me or something along those lines". "That's just too much heavy tish." I wouldn't have text him cos he doesn't text back, reckons he hates it.

If a guy said that to me, I'd respond with 'You should be so lucky - what on earth makes you think I would?!'; my first reaction is that he's pretty arrogant and presumptuous. After only four dates I'd freak if I were on the receiving end of that sort of thing, too.

 

Later on, though, once you're established as a couple, then all sorts of romantic, soppy, silly, intimate things are desirable ... especially if you've developed your own language in which to say them!

 

* Sorry, I've only just realised that you specifically wanted guy's opinions on this! I don't really qualify, but that's my take on it anyway! xxx

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I like the guy but I can see myself minding how I react towards him. Which is tish because tomorrow night will be our 5th date but only the 1st time being out together after being close, (kissing etc) and I was wondering how he might handle PDA's I'm not sure if I'm gonna test that out now!

 

It's kinda like on the 3rd date I asked him what he was looking for, a relationship or FWB and he said, "Lets see how we go". This guy is nothing like any guy I've ever gone out with, seeings how he's quite "alternative" and he told me on our first date to expect nothing but honesty from him all of the time.

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If a guy said that to me, I'd respond with 'You should be so lucky - what on earth makes you think I would?!'; my first reaction is that he's pretty arrogant and presumptuous. After only four dates I'd freak if I were on the receiving end of that sort of thing, too.

 

Later on, though, once you're established as a couple, then all sorts of romantic, soppy, silly, intimate things are desirable ... especially if you've developed your own language in which to say them!

 

* Sorry, I've only just realised that you specifically wanted guy's opinions on this! I don't really qualify, but that's my take on it anyway! xxx

 

Its cool, all responses are good!

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Stating your preferences is fine; bullying someone into being exactly how you want them isn't, and I think his behaviour is straying over into the latter category here. It's possible that he just has a thing about this particular action (sending cute texts), but keep your eyes open for more signs of potentially controlling behaviour, and let him know that there are limits on the types of behaviour that you'll put up with as well, including rudeness on his part.

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Not a guy but I don't think this has anything to do with being a guy or a girl - his behavior is rude/arrogant. My guess is some people are turned on by this, the ones with low self esteem.

 

I'm not turned on by this and don't believe I have low self esteem either. I do believe it's just too soon for him to hear stuff like that from me. I'll clarify it with him tomorrow night.

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This guy is nothing like any guy I've ever gone out with, seeings how he's quite "alternative" and he told me on our first date to expect nothing but honesty from him all of the time.

I see what you're saying, but I've long been of the opinion that honesty without tenderness can be quite cruel. At its very worst it can be straightforward abuse with the rationalisation: 'But I'm only being honest'!

 

In the example you mentioned in your original post, it wasn't so much honest as warning you not to do something you hadn't done anyway - that's absolutely nothing to do with honesty, and a lot to do with his arrogance and need to make sure you keep your distance.

 

I think you need to stand back and ask yourself what you want from a relationship and whether he is the guy to give it; all this will come clear in time. I also wouldn't ask again what his intentions are from your relationship - this is giving him the power to define terms which should actually be a 50/50 negotiation. You don't need to force the issue; he will let you know who he is, given time. And rather than being concerned about his feelings about YOU, ask yourself how you feel about HIM. Throughout.

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I'm not turned on by this and don't believe I have low self esteem either. I do believe it's just too soon for him to hear stuff like that from me. I'll clarify it with him tomorrow night.

 

That could be and that's fine - but the way he said it was in my opinion rude and if he feels comfortable speaking to you in that way now imagine how he'll treat you later when he's not on his best behavior.

Being "honest" doesn't mean being tactless or rude - there's a balance and when people call rudeness "honesty" all it means is that they don't care enough about the other person's feelings and prioritize just letting it all hang out/verbal diahrrhea over giving some thought to timing, context, tone and whether to share information at all.

 

Is he also going to tell you "you look fat in that" because it's "honest?" Hope you have a very thick skin, a very strong stomach and family and friends who also do so you can be comfortable with what he calls "honesty".

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Yeah I just had a chat with my closest friend about it and he asked if by not texting am I being true to who I am? I'm an affectionate person, I do like a person to know if I like them and I don't wish to suppress that in order to be with a person.

 

My friend suggested I "test" the water by showing affection in public.. Could be embarrassing but also a good way to find out if I want to carry on seeing this guy.

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He was pretty direct about it. I text him on Saturday night and said, "wish you were here" and he said that was a bit I explained that it was during Earth Hour and I was at home with only candles for company and he said, "ok thats acceptable" I don't know exactly what to make of that cos when I'm with him he's quite affectionate towards me..

 

Its just too soon for mushy stuff..

 

Wow, that'd really bother me. It's not like he said "hey, I'm not really into mushy stuff, to let you know". It's like he's giving you commands and telling YOU what's okay and what is not. At 4 weeks, I'm not into mushy stuff either. I've had to tell guys to back off because I feel threatened if they are sending me too much too soon. But, I say it in a polite way. I ask them to do it for me and how I feel, I don't tell them what to do like I am the law of the land.

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If a guy said that to me, I'd be really bothered by it. As others have said, if he's really not into that mushy stuff, period - especially so early on - he could've just mentioned it politely after the text message that you sent that could've been construed that way. Instead, he waited until long after that text at a time where there was no point of refernece, and rudely told you not to do it.

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