If I'm getting over him...

[blahsquared]

That means he's getting over me, right?

 

He's not the first thing to spring to my mind when I wake up now - I'm feeling so much better about everything. In my three weeks of no contact and nearly two months since the breakup, I've started casually dating, been working out, my social life has never been better, and I'm just feeling much happier in general.

 

But... if I'm getting over him, that means he's getting over me, right?

 

I'm experiencing some crazy cognitive dissonance right now.

 

If I can get over something so quickly, was it ever "right" in the first place? Obviously not, since it ended...

 

Only two months later, and I can't quite recall what his laugh sounds like. Two years of relationship, and I can't remember such a simple thing as that... I guess I didn't hear him laugh much towards the end of our relationship, anyway...

 

I almost find myself forcing myself to think about him, or to visit the "Getting back Together" forum, just to validate the importance and depth of our relationship, when in truth I'm just letting go.

 

Because if I let go of him, that also means his pain's gone too. Isn't that how healing works? All parallel-like?

 

But obviously, the fact of the matter is that he let go of me months ago. So I shouldn't feel sad or guilty for putting him behind me.

 

And I don't know what's going on in his head. I'd like to imagine that he's pining away, regretting his decision, but is marooned in some Russian prison without a telephone and therefore is unable to call.

 

Half the pain of my breakup seems to be due to a bruised ego. Effed up, right?

 

End 4 a.m. rant.

[eggplant47]

If you like to think of him as pining for you, do so! Who says that he's not after all?

 

I remember after a break up, feeling horrified that I could spend 5 years with someone and still have it go right down the crapper! I mean, if you couldn't be certain after 5 years, when could you??

 

But shortly after that I met my husband and I was feeling something much stronger and deeper than I'd ever felt for the other guy. I loved them both but the first guy just wasn't the one.

 

I've never considered the relationship a waste though, because of what I learned from it.

[jazzbarrett]

you and i are on the same EXACT boat in terms of time and realization. i still think about him, perhaps more than you do, but i have so much more life in my day now. i hate being alone at night in my house because the silence is still a little deafening, but i love going out with my friends and just being free. that is what was a HUGE shock to me. i never thought i felt chained down or anything, but i guess i did since i can now do whatever i want, whenever i want, and not have to worry about someone else. i hope i can get to your phase soon. i think i am nearly there, but not yet. it is great to know that it is possible!

 

and i bet you he is pining away, if not just having fleeting moments of his day when he thinks of you. 2 years is a long time and i am certain at least the very presence you had in his life is being missed. thank you for posting this...i don't remember his laugh either and i think that is a good thing. and i am taking as many good things as i can right now!