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Telling the true reasons for rejection.


Sparkly Eyes

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Do you always tell the truth when you reject someone? like for example, if it is because you don't find them physically attractive, would you tell them? What if it is because they are not rich enough/smart enough/etc? Also, Do you like to be told the truth in such situations?

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I haven't rejected anyone yet but I would tell them. Also, even though I probably wouldn't like or agree with anything that came out of their mouth when they were rejecting me, I would like to know why they rejected me. I just feel like I need a certain type of closure when it comes to those sort of things.

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See, I wouldn't want to know the reasons. As long as I treated them well, the reasons don't matter. Maybe I wasn't pretty enough, or the chemistry just wasn't there, or he found me dull, etc...I am just using these as examples, but if it were any of those things, they are things that I would not want to hear .

 

Now, if I had offended him in some way or something like that, I would want to know.

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I personally find it hard to tell the truth. But if someone rejects me, I would like to know the real reasons.

 

Yes. I know if I didn't hear the truth once they dumped me then I would be always wondering why they really dumped me, making it really hard for me to move on.

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I prefer to know the truth instead of wondering, especially if it is someone who seems to want to be my friend, but nothing more. Then it just makes me wonder, okay, if you like me enough to want to be my friend, why can't we be more? Because I don't talk to guys I don't like. I have friends that are guys that I don't like, but I'd be fine without them and I don't talk to them on a regular basis. I only want one guy in my life.

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I think most people wouldn't want to be told the truth, because more often than not truth hurts. However I think telling the truth might give someone closure much quicker than giving a phony excuse like "I'm too busy". That being said, I don't think I'd have the balls to tell someone the truth, so I can't expect the same in return.

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I think most people wouldn't want to be told the truth, because more often than not truth hurts. However I think telling the truth might give someone closure much quicker than giving a phony excuse like "I'm too busy". That being said, I don't think I'd have the balls to tell someone the truth, so I can't expect the same in return.

 

that's true. I always find myself wondering about the real reasons and make lots of stupid assumptions when I don't get a real reason. That's why I think I would rather know the truth.

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It depends on the reason. If it's something that can hurt their feelings, I wouldn't. If it's a moral issue I would. For instance I've met a few guys that didn't appeal to me because they were fat, but I didn't tell them that, just that I wasn't interested. A guy I met had kids and I told him that I couldn't get serious because of it. Other guys tried to rush me sexual wise, and I told them I couldn't date because of that.

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I'd honestly want someone to tell me if it was because they thought I was fat. I want to know the truth, always. I broke up with my first boyfriend because he was shorter than me, but I didn't tell him that. I sort of wish I did. Because if it were the other way around, I'd wanna know why.

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I think it depends on the reason. If I didn't find the other party to be smart enough, or something similar to that, there's no way I would point that out. Likewise, if it's something that's a matter of incompatibility (having opposing political beliefs, or not being outdoorsy enough for your taste), it's not worth it, because there are tons of other people out there who will appreciate those qualities in that person.

 

However, if the problem is something fixable, it might be worthwhile to bring it up and treat it like constructive criticism, which could perhaps help that person in subsequent dating endeavors. For example: saying that you're looking for someone a bit more assertive, or someone a tad more decisive. I've actually been on the receiving end of both of those "criticisms" before and appreciated them because not only were they truthful, they were helpful, and that's something I know I need to work on.

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Do you always tell the truth when you reject someone? like for example, if it is because you don't find them physically attractive, would you tell them? What if it is because they are not rich enough/smart enough/etc? Also, Do you like to be told the truth in such situations?

 

No, that would be rude, presumptuous, and hurtful.

 

Also, I'm LOL'ing at one of the possible reasons being "not rich enough".

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I'd honestly want someone to tell me if it was because they thought I was fat. I want to know the truth, always. I broke up with my first boyfriend because he was shorter than me, but I didn't tell him that. I sort of wish I did. Because if it were the other way around, I'd wanna know why.

 

I don't think somebody would start seeing you if they thought you were fat. I think for someone to ask you out in the first place, they have to be attracted to you. I think a lack of physical attraction is not a typical reason for a break up, it is however a typical reason to refuse a first date with someone.

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No, that would be rude, presumptuous, and hurtful.

 

Also, I'm LOL'ing at one of the possible reasons being "not rich enough".

 

lol, well, some people care about that. Believe it or not, most people would rather go out with someone who makes almost as much money as they make or maybe even more. Personally, I'm a very competitive person, so I wouldn't like someone who makes much more than me, but I wouldn't want someone who makes much less than me either, simply because I don't want to have to pay for him to be involved in my lifestyle.

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lol, well, some people care about that. Believe it or not, most women would rather go out with someone who makes almost as much money as they make or maybe even more. Personally, I'm a very competitive person, so I wouldn't like someone who makes much more than me, but I wouldn't want someone who makes much less than me either, simply because I don't want to have to pay for him to be involved in my lifestyle.

 

Corrected it for you.

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Sometimes it's not always good to hear the truth. When I was dumped by a guy 4 years ago, he told me he did not like the way I kissed and that was after he dumped me. Even though I am over that, knowing that he didn't like the way I kissed still really stings me and it makes me afraid to kiss someone else.

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I think we should learn that we can not always please everyone. Then hearing the truth might actually help us get a closure and move on. For example if a guy breaks up with you because your ass is too big, you can always remind yourself that there are guys out there that actually like big butts and realize you weren't really that compatible after all!

 

I do agree tho that in some situations, maybe not hearing the truth is for the best.

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