Why do men like women who play "hard to get"

[Iakasot]

Men want what they can't get. So do women. It's why we now have the Internet and why we can defy gravity.

 

Having said that, flaky behaviour is a major turn-off.

 

The natural progression towards a viable relationship is:

1. Boy meets girl and they're mutually attracted.
   
2. Boy asks girl out and due to attraction and positive experience, continue dating.
   
3. They like each other so much that they decide to get into a relationship.
   

All these silly games do, is to lead to trust issues and drama.

 

I think men want what they CAN get. What makes you think we want what we can't have? (those of us who aren't players, which is 80+% of men)

[absinthe]

I think men want what they CAN get. What makes you think we want what we can't have? (those of us who aren't players, which is 80+% of men)

As a 35 year old woman who's been dating, in multiple long-term and short term relationships and is currently in her second marriage, for the past 23 years, it's rare that there's an anomoly to the rule that "people want what they can't get".

 

Having said that, I don't claim to know all men so if that's your main point, you're right. If you believe that most men want what they can get, you're not sourcing from reality.

 

Edit - men will bang what they can get but this doesn't mean it will lead to anything further.

[Iakasot]

As a 35 year old woman who's been dating, in multiple long-term and short term relationships and is currently in her second marriage, for the past 23 years, it's rare that there's an anomoly to the rule that "people want what they can't get".

 

Having said that, I don't claim to know all men so if that's your main point, you're right. If you believe that most men want what they can get, you're not sourcing from reality.

 

Edit - men will bang what they can get but this doesn't mean it will lead to anything further.

 

Sure it does, a man can get addicted to sex with a particular woman the same way he can get addicted to a drug. He'll enter a relationship with the woman if he wants to come back for more badly enough, and given a chance to crave her.

 

I'm sourcing from myself and my friends, that's reality enough. Most guys don't get that much attention from girls, so if you're giving them a lot of attention, compliments right away, you're immediately setting yourself apart from other women. Like...how many guys the first time you met them have you said, "wow, you're really cute, I think I'd like to take you to bed". Even after you've "done" it, they'll still want you, because those compliments are still something that they don't really get from other girls. (unlike with men's compliments, women get complimented by men TOO much)

 

I think the "having what no one else has" (of few people have) overrides the "wanting what you can't have" for lots and lots of guys, even though both are sorta rules. I dunno if you were like that though and stood apart like that in your past relationships that you've mentioned...

[absinthe]

You're talking about sex and that's it, which jives with what I'm saying about men banging anything they can get. If it's good sex, sure, they're going to stick around but that has nothing to do with a viable relationship.

 

You and your friends are in your early twenties. You'll learn.

[xyzzzz]

When u call him to talk to him,he doesnt have to call u.And u feel like "why am i doing all the phone call".when u dont call then he calls u to talk to u and u feel he comes back.Actually the reason for doing this is the same thing talk to each other. It's just how u see it.

[Iakasot]

You're talking about sex and that's it, which jives with what I'm saying about men banging anything they can get. If it's good sex, sure, they're going to stick around but that has nothing to do with a viable relationship.

 

You and your friends are in your early twenties. You'll learn.

 

We would primarily have relationships with people of the same gender if they weren't about sex. You don't think men other than me and my friends feel like they'd rather be in a relationship with someone who puts out easily? Sex = us being more likely to commit, especially if there's none coming from other girls. Romantic feeling is just subconsciously rerouted sexual anticipation, so really, relationships are about sex, and if it isn't, then it's just a close friendship. Oh, and of course it's not 'viable' if he wants her more than she wants him, right? Sorry, but that still makes it about sex, in fact even moreso.

 

What exactly do you think I'll learn with age? I've been in love a couple times and given up on it. It has nothing to do with finding the right girl, it's all extremely conditional...

[tf987]

I have a different take on it. I think people want what they want, regardless of whether or not the other person plays hard to get. But... in general... people are often interested in people that are attractive, and attractive people have learned behavior that they can be flakey and still get lots of dating attention - I'm not saying that all attractive people are flakes - I'm just saying that they can probably get dates even if they are flakey.

 

So... I think what happens is that people are interested in attractive people, and attractive people have a higher incidents of flakiness which might seem like playing hard to get... so it seems like men like women that play hard to get... but in reality they just like those women... and those women happen to also be flakey more often.

[MarmiteCrumpet]

I am a really busy person, so I tend to seem hard to get right off the bat. I'm not likely to cancel any plans that I have, or go out of my way for someone that I've just met and don't really know. This has caused frusteration and I've had men get irritated and quit me after a few dates for this very reason. I kind of like to think of it as a filter for the needy and controlling ones.

 

However, once I get to know someone...if I really like them, they know it.

 

I like the cut of your jib.

[candykisses]

Don't play hard to get. But don't be a desperate hole either. Girls, what you do is you keep yourself busy and stop giving a -- so much. Just have fun. It's more of a mindset than anything... Most importantly, don't be the nice girl who puts up with bs; I see so many girls on here and personally know a lot of women who desperately stick by douches who don't treat them well....why?? Have standards and self-respect. No need to play hard to get to have guys flocking to you.

 

When you're mad, show it. When you like someone, SHOW IT.

 

 

candy

[MarmiteCrumpet]

Don't play hard to get. But don't be a desperate hole either. Girls, what you do is you keep yourself busy and stop giving a -- so much. Just have fun. It's more of a mindset than anything... Most importantly, don't be the nice girl who puts up with bs; I see so many girls on here and personally know a lot of women who desperately stick by douches who don't treat them well....why?? Have standards and self-respect. No need to play hard to get to have guys flocking to you.

 

When you're mad, show it. When you like someone, SHOW IT.

 

 

candy

 

Nail on the head.

[halfawake]

Don't play hard to get. But don't be a desperate hole either. Girls, what you do is you keep yourself busy and stop giving a -- so much. Just have fun. It's more of a mindset than anything... Most importantly, don't be the nice girl who puts up with bs; I see so many girls on here and personally know a lot of women who desperately stick by douches who don't treat them well....why?? Have standards and self-respect. No need to play hard to get to have guys flocking to you.

 

When you're mad, show it. When you like someone, SHOW IT.

 

 

candy

 

Post stealer!

[pl3asehelp]

I don't like women who play hard to get at all. In fact, I just give up on them and move on to someone who expresses the same interest in me that I have in them.

[pl3asehelp]

...we men do like a challenge.

I don't like challenges just for the sake of a challenge. I'll not avoid one if that's the only way, but with women, ah, I'd rather find someone who's just honest about their interest level. If their interest level comes off as challenging, well, I don't have the energy for that.

[Go Habs Go]

I don't like challenges just for the sake of a challenge. I'll not avoid one if that's the only way, but with women, ah, I'd rather find someone who's just honest about their interest level. If their interest level comes off as challenging, well, I don't have the energy for that.

 

 

Same here. Life is too short for games and challenges. And the whole "men love a challenge" is a myth. I don't have the time, energy, or patience for a challenge.