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am i even worth anything else


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im having a very hard time right now. with my break up that was dragged out since feb till this past friday night. i am crushed. i am still in love with him and cant stop thinking about it and him or us in general. and of course i stupidly still want him back. i forgive him for hurting me. i dont hate him. had ups and down but nothing we didnt get through until now. i know he doesnt hate me either and i know he knows our relationship was really good. GREAT even. we are very compatible and he doesnt even argue with that. i dont know where it all went wrong. how come i wasnt enough and all that.

 

 

i am now starting to question my self worth. i know its bad but now i am officially convinced this is what my love life will always be like, fall in love and get burned, and i am worth nothing more but to be in love with someone who isnt with me and doesnt want to be.. and for future men to keep hurting me while i am doing everything possible to make them happy and they are never satisfied. i dont want to feel like this and i do try and being positive, i really do. but all i feel is sad and just wanting him back. saying just come back! lets be together make and it work and be happy! why did you give up!? i know there is a long life ahead of me and millions of other guys but you know how its goes. he is the one particular fish i want in the sea.

 

 

i dont know how to stop feeling this way. i am so in love. i dont know what to do. i need some encouragement and support. badly. i have just the tiny inch of hope that if its in gods will he will paint the picture for me that i ask to have. but until i really know i am hurting like no other. i want to cry and i am so choked up writing this.

 

i really need some support, advice, insight. please

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You, and me, were in the same boat at one point. It's really "love" that is getting to you, and making you feel the way you do. I'm really famous for using the words "It's harder to see outside of the box, when you are the one inside the box." Everything is so much easier said than done, and you don't really see the stop signs like everyone else viewing your relationship is. You only feel because you are the one in the relationship, we don't experience your feelings since we were not in the relationship, but it's safe to say majority of everyone has felt like you have at least once in their lives.

 

I wanted nothing more than to be with my ex, but we were not compatible. My ex really messed things up for me, I ended up dropping out of school for them, their friends would attack me everywhere I went so I became a homebody. Needless to say even through all of that I still wanted them, I somehow forgave them for all that torture, and I would have given anything I possibly had just to be with em' again.

 

I was down in the hole for a long time, a good three years actually. I never thought I could meet anyone else, love anyone else, but I actually did. What really helped, and what you strongly need to do, is lay off men for awhile. Lay off everyone for awhile. Take time to yourself, the last thing you want is to be dependent. You don't want to think about your ex, and you don't want a rebound to fill the void, it's best you get with your girlfriends and go out, and have fun. You are young, you still have a lot of life left, we shouldn't be thinking of "love" right now. It's nice to have a companion, but keeping it on a mellow tone makes it that much more enjoyable.

 

You are worth a lot more than he has made you feel like, you are most likely love depressed, and it's all human nature. The best thing you can do is be there for yourself, don't rely on him, or any other man to make you feel good about yourself. Step up to your own plate, and make yourself feel better. Do things that make you feel good, and not think of him. Completely forget him for a couple days (it's hard, but doable.) you'll see a difference, it'll get easier and easier. Then when you finally are ready to move on there will be a nice guy that you meet that will blow this last fish straight out of the waters.

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indeed laying off guys in general is a must not even a choice its just auto pilot. for me right after its "STAY AWAY i dont want to get hurt, so stay away far far away." but we did have such a great relationship, lots of laughs, lots of love all that. its so hard to let it go but its so good to hear from ppl who have already experienced this and it came out good. i know in the end all i have is me myself and i. friends? i have few close ones. and sadly 2 of them have gotten pregnant. one is almost in a similar situations and i was with her all day yesterday and she was there for me to cry it out and listen and understand me. i go out sometimes but not alot i kinda of feel like i dont know how to get it started again being social. he was a social butterfly, he drinks and parties. not to say i am completely anti social but not up to his par i geuss how he knows ALOT of people. i know people just not hundreds. i had my own life and friends besides him and went out myself during our relationship. and well he is in a fraternity. i have ppl i also go out with but havent talked to them lately. i been pretty much in a MIA (missing in action) stage due to all the feelings im having lately. they arent exactly the ones i turn too in times like these.

 

me and him were long distance and i was just there 16-23 of this month. EVERYTHING WAS GREAT! i was sure that we were well on our way to getting back together. friday was an argument after having a cnversationg 4 hours before hand saying pretty much i need to him put effort for me to stay if he wants me to keep fighting for this and was all up for it. 4 hours later around midnight = argument and him blowing it out of proportion getting seriously angry. its all in my last post. kinda long. saturday he ended it all. so here i am of course feeling this way. he broke up with me twice.

 

im going to try really hard to distract myself from it but it is hard. wednesday im hanging out with two close friends including the one i saw yesterday. i hope its fun. until then i dont know what to do. im usually online reading SOMETHING about relationship. AUGH somehow i find myself back to reality that i deserve better and i know it, but it is true i am love depressed because i love him so much even though he has hurt me alot, hoping that i was that special that i wont be easily replaced and that maybe he will straighten up and realize i was a good girl for him because i went the distance for him to make him happy. he knows it.

 

i hope i get over it soon. but how do i completely let go? i find it so hard to do it right now. in a sense ive accepted he has left me but letting go its tremendously hard. llike i dont want my love to end with him because i am just so effing in love with him even yes even after everything! its so sad.

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You realize that God made you, so you are worthwhile. He doesn't waste effort.

 

You make a list of the things that you did that went against your reasoning, just to keep him happy or not upset him. A list of things that you didn't get while with him - what did you give up cos he didn't want to do it or started a fight? A list of things you want in a man - and then see what he offered.

 

Gradually, you'll see a man who cared more about himself than you.

 

And that isn't love. It's self-promotion.

 

You're 19. I know you feel grown up and 'finished' but believe me when I tell you that you are going to feel completely different at 23 than you do now. And competely different from THAT at 30. And you may find 10 different places where you'd like to live - you can go anywhere in the world at this point, do anything, be anything; with a boyfriend, not so much.

 

Enjoy that. Be happy knowing that you an entire lifetime of adulthood ahead of you. You are going to meet so many people in the next 10 years you won't have enough time to spend with them all. You'll (I hope) go to college and your eyes will be opened to an entire new world you never realized existed. If you were tied down to this guy - who hurt you, stifled you, controlled you, angered you, made you feel bad - how could you ever enjoy all that you have to look forward to?

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i know im trying to be very strong and let god do his wonders and plan my life. its hard to now have so much control over situations when you really want it. im just so human that i want control. if its in his will for something else to happen between me andthsi boy whether consciously know it or not, it will happen, if not im sure god has something else. but for now my desire is to be with him. i do want to let it go trust me. i dont want to hurt this bad.

 

he was a bit selfish but yet i still loved him. and still love him. no i dont want that in a man but i have fallen for that type of man it seems or he became that man during our relationship. now how do i let go. and the feeling different at diff ages, i dont doubt it. i have more growing to do it wont ever stop even when im 50. i just wanted to enjoy times with him you know what i mean? he was the one hurting me yes. but all in all the relationship was good until now. he still did everything for me also.

 

i just really want to know how to let go.

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It is very easy to become upset, depressed, and feel worthless when you are the dumpee. Especially when you develope such strong emotions for another only to have them thrown away.. rejected.. as if they mean nothing.

I am going to be 29 here in a couple of months, I am going to tell you this, just as advice, I am not preaching or telling you what to do.

 

You are a beautiful and smart, you do not need to waste your time on someone that felt that you weren't worth this time.

Do not let him bring you down even further, dont give him that control.

I was dumped almost 6 weeks ago by someone I thought I loved, and wanted to spend my life with.. but now that I look back on it, the days spent in bed crying.. moping around the house as if I had nothing else to live for, I think who does he think he is.. and most of all who am I? who am I to let someone bring me down so low that I feel I dont deserve to be happy. that I do not deserve to have fun.

 

His loss honey, your young.. go to college, travel... live your life to the fullest, you will meet many new exiciting people, your soul mate is out there. dont let some guy ruin you. is he worth it? is someone that is Ok with breaking your heart worth all of this?

No.

 

keep posting on here, I used the boards as my diary, it helps.

 

 

Do something nice for yourself, go shopping, get a pedicure, facial..whatever you do that would make you feel GREAT.

 

close this chapter of your life, and create a new one.

 

I hope you feel better soon..

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thank you all of that is very comforting. believing it all is where i need to start. i am worth alot. i did alot of things to make him happy. nothing to disrespect myself but alot. i almost feel like ive done anything just as a person to make him happy. and im confident i am the only one who would go so far for him. so if this doesnt make him happy anything under it...yeahhh. you know what i mean. its just hard. my question always to myself is how do i move on while in love with someone? its stumps me so hard. maybe feelings will fade and ill realize the same things u did. but i still wont lie right now i am very much in love with this person right now. i wish i could say no i realize it now, right this instant! ha

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Listen to me, even though Ima total stranger. I know you're hurting and I understand that it feels like this is never gonna change and this feeling will always be soooo bad. But I want you to try to imagine your life being filled with love and happiness and security. It's hard to do when you're depressed but really try to imagine those 3 things. I got news for you....those are all gonna happen for you. You are a young, attractive, smart and compassionate female. There are 3 billion men on this planet and I can assure you the majority of them would love to have someone like you in their lives. This guy that you're soo upset about is going to end up being a faint memory. Let me say that one more time for you...this guy that you're soo upset about is going to end up being a faint memory. You're a superstar kid! Don't let someone else validate you....ever...ever!! You're gonna look back on this one and laugh. I know that may not help right now, but what will is if you put all the focus/attention you're putting on him, onto yourself! Are you eating, sleeping, exercising, drinking water and grooming? Make sure you do those 5 things no matter what and you're gonna come outta this one a much better person for someone who understands how special you are!!

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i know this is taking some time but man. sometimes i wish he could say to me, i dont love you anymore but he doesnt even say it himself. i am one of those people who are better with upfront answers. i went malling with a friend i didnt buy nothing just went to tag along with him. my ex vsited me in january when we were together and i took him to this mall. i was being so haunted and it totally ruined the time being there. i remembered the stores he went in with me, and the ones i went in with him, how he bought some slacks, then what to get me something, held my hand, and how we went back home together etc. i didnt bring it up to conversation but it was going all around my own head and seriously it was like someone punching the kr4p out of my heart. i really really dont want to hurt like this and geez being so in love with him and my intuition tell me's its not all gone but i should tell myself its all over and move on but then i feel stuck like i cant.

 

i really need someone to talk too. its killing me.

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You took a hard hit, we all do. We feel low, worthless, unwanted, abandoned, our esteem is in the toilet, we feel lonely no matter how many people are around us. And you question why, your self worth and wonder if you will ever matter to someone again.

I am going to tell you a secret and its going to have my "Man Card" taken away from me, but you have to know something very important.

We need you a lot more than you need us. Its true, Guys need women a heck of a lot more than you need us. We need you for support and our esteem, pride and to make us feel good. And you are a great looking hot girl and you can find a guy much quicker than your guy can find a girl. Its a fact. It scares us guys. So we know this and guys will sometimes, more often then not, use the power play and make you feel worthless so you dont go out looking for a guy soon. Its a cheap tactic. So it really has nothing to do with you. It has to do with the guy being selfish and fearful you will find someone quickly.

 

Now, what you have to do is realize he was a dork, jerk, moron, a hole, and every other name in the book you can think of. You have to see and realize that he wasnt for you and there are SO many more guys out there that are better than this guy. He is not worth your time, or your energy, he doesnt deserve to see that smile of yours. He no longer deserves your attention, or anything to make him happy ever again.

Heck if you were in San Diego.. I would ask you out to a movie.. ha ha..

Success is the best way to get back at someone. So why not be happy? Why not do things that makes YOU smile, and youll have guys hitting on you so very soon. And youll see there is better out there.

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yeah it was a hard blow. still hurt maybe for a while. and i must say you are more of a man to say something like that with all honesty. and thank you for the compliments! and geez i didnt know it was all like that. after the malling issues i talked a bit with my step mom. i know i must remind myself of all the ways how i didnt get what i wanted like how a poster said, but im still grieving i still havent yet had that GOOD cry usually when its going to start i get interrupted. its been delayed but ill let me have it soon so i can get to the point where i cant cry maybe just get choked up. this relationship was all about him him him. him being selfish just as a person. i hope he grows out of that and not for me for him. i know its good to be selfish but man not like that! and reading your advice has helped me alot. seriously this is the kinda of push i needed from everyone and all who responded. i am doing best to be happy, i actually am right now. watching funny bleeping videos on youtube lol! im starting to going out this week plans are coming in... hopefully maybe some to fill up this whole week. i talked to my step mom and she told me her story of how she was with this guy for 8 years on and off and he cheated on her and everything and how long it took her to get over him and surprisingly she said 1-2 months lmao! man that was such an inspiration. i told her i cant wait and hope i get to the point were i look back and can seriously laugh how she was at her story.

 

 

im so happy tho to finally go out. today i didnt want too but i made myself. i have a break up before too it was hard but this one is i think one of the hardest. i was tired of my last relationship and so was the ex ex. with this guy i felt like i wanted to be together we werent horrible together. we werent sick of one another either know what i mean? (haha i say that alot) but yeah as for the plans its almost like it was suppose to happen for some reason im getting all these ppl asking me to hang out. and not all of them know my sitaution its so weird it all started today!

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Heck if you were in San Diego.. I would ask you out to a movie.. ha ha..

 

i nearly l-m-a-o-ed when i read that. i was like WOW i cant believe that people would really want to go to a movie with me (as in men), what?! lmao like it was almost unbelieveable for a second. thank you for that. that was a holy s----t moment hahahah.

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i nearly l-m-a-o-ed when i read that. i was like WOW i cant believe that people would really want to go to a movie with me (as in men), what?! lmao like it was almost unbelieveable for a second. thank you for that. that was a holy s----t moment hahahah.

 

ha ha, you are very welcome. You deserve to be happy and really be treated so good that when you wake up in the morining, you think about this one guy and before you go to sleep, you think of this one guy. And Love made you blind, now you can see that it was all about him, you probably did so much more for him than he did for you. And it sucks that guys do that. I guess he hasnt learned that once a hot girl chooses to be with you, then you do all you can to make that one girl happy and who cares about the rest. The world dissappears at that point.

For now, do what makes you happy. I dont know what all you do, but whatever it is, go out and do it. And believe me, you can probably go to a mall, and you would have a grip of guys come up to you and ask you for your number. And probably hear the cheesiest pick up lines EVER.. lines like..

Was that an earthquake or did you just rock my world...or.

You must be a parking ticket cause you got "FINE" written all over you.. or.

Im sorry, were you talking to me? Would you like to?

 

Okay enough of the cheesy lines, but you get the picture. You will be okay. Just fine and youll see that youll be happier than ever.

And yeah, I would take you to a movie and something fun. hummm..Id have to think about that one.. ha ha.

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i broke NC. yeah i did. yes i knwo i shouldnt but its done now.

 

I wanted to hear the truth and nothing but the truth. I wanted to hear him say it directly towards me and thats what i got. Its hurt like a beech. I dont love you anymore, and I definite dont see you in my future or us ever getting back together. Oh and his life is happier without me. I felt like that would be good enough to give myself that final cry, where i let everything out, but for some reason its not happening. im getting choked up and feeling like i want to cry but its not happening.

 

but its hurts like no other but its good to hear the truth and not a sugar coated one. thats what i needed. i really feel like i needed this. i have been very good with NC before this and i have made sure he is blocked from everything. i want to forget him. i am sort of angry. and i do feel used. i want to forget him so bad. he told me he wants to be friends in the future i told him no.

 

i have to admit i do feel a bit dead inside.. i want to erase all our memories. at this point i wish i never met him. i wish i never flew to texas last week. i wish i never encountered him in my life. i wish i never gave him my body. i wish i never let him in my world. life was so good when he wasnt around and before he came around. now he has sweeped through a period in my life, hurt me, and left me. i dont want anything else to do with him. and now i kinda of regret breaking NC but i know i will never ever ever ever want to speak to him again. Honestly I dont want to wish him happiness.

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Um....alone with the 30 billion other people around this planet?

 

Go out and meet some!

 

no doubt i am trying to go out and am and have already! i am going to hang with friends today, dentist tomorrow, and weekend vallejo,ca. but its still that emptiness feeling. the void i have. but i am better now repeatedly telling myself i deserve better and did nothing wrong. and hopefully he gets a reality check. im sure when i look at it and step back, he has a problem with commitment and actually falling in love and very selfish. im sure he wants to but maybe he doesnt want to get to close? then the not so into her feelings came about. its stings and hurts alot still. but i do respect him for giving me what i needed to finalized everything even tho it should have been finalized with the sugar coated truth. he wasnt mean or mad i called. he is happy i see to not have a commitment, he knows i did alot for him etc. but if this dont make him happy, i dont know what else will until he gets over his own selfish issues as a person himself. everyone i know says he regret it, and all those who have met him and talk and got to know him. even if thats so. i want to forget now. i want to forget him and he knows it.

 

 

anyways there are times were i just dont have much to fill my time with. just like you know sometimes u just end up being alone by yourself for the part of the day. its hard to not get overwhelmed by this feeling even when im not thinking of him and trying to distract myself.

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Think of the bright side. You know that its all done, and you dont have to worry about if he is going to come back or if he loves, you blah blah. You know its over, and you can move on. He was just being selfish. He wanted YOU do to everything, give your love without giving love or very minimal love in return.

You are going to be more than alright, what you did is typical and not your fault. You got lost in your boy and you gave a huge part of your identity to him. So now that you are not with him, you feel lost, like you dont know what to do anymore. You are a hot girl, beautiful, you have a great heart, and you want to love and you seem like the type to accept people for who they are. And that is a rare and good quality. Dont worry yourself. Just regroup, and know in the long run, you will be happier than you have ever been in your life. And if you dont find anyone. Come to San Diego and we can have a blast! Take you to the beach, movies, or take you flying and let you fly a plane.. yeah, Ill let you fly!! LOL

So smile okay.. you are okay, he is the one that is going to need you. If you ever feel lonely, just IM me, Ill chat with you. Cheer you up.

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Now he wants to be friends!€€?¥&%%%* what the freak for? Why is he doing this??!!!? He goes as far as admitting if I got a new boyfriend he wouldn't want to know. Like he doesn't want me to move on but feels oh so guilty hurting me but urges to call and see "how I am" I guess this all goes into what No1 has been saying like he wants me to be trapped prisoner in not moving on

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Now he wants to be friends!€€?¥&%%%* what the freak for? Why is he doing this??!!!? He goes as far as admitting if I got a new boyfriend he wouldn't want to know. Like he doesn't want me to move on but feels oh so guilty hurting me but urges to call and see "how I am" I guess this all goes into what No1 has been saying like he wants me to be trapped prisoner in not moving on

 

You dont have to be friends with him, he is doing it for his own reasons and not yours. If you dont want to be friends, then dont. Its pretty much simple. He wants to make sure he still "has" you. Its not about how you feel, how you are doing. He wants to see if you are moving on with out him. Its more of a power play. He has this sense of inner pride if you have not moved on yet cause you are still holding on to him.

I have told you that you will move on quickly. I wouldnt even return his texts, or if you do wait a few hours. Delete his emails and just know what he is doing is for his benefit not yours.

 

And I emailed you back. If you are on, Ill chat with you

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