I Don't Want To Marry Him

[KarateKate]

I'm just wondering if these feelings I'm having are normal?

 

Boyfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 years. I knew I wanted to marry him after about six months of dating. He, however, was not so sure. He promised we'd be engaged awhile ago, but I knew deep down that he wasn't being honest. His lack of enthusiasm was my only real issue with him, but it was an issue. It finally got to a point where I just stopped caring.

 

I love my boyfriend-there's no doubt about that. I absolutely enjoy being his girlfriend, and I have zero desire to end the relationship. I just, don't feel the same about getting married. I used to think about being married to him, and I would feel warm, happy, excited. Now, I don't think about it. When he brings it up, I change the subject.

 

The worst part is that now, he does want to get engaged. I've seen a huge shift in his feelings and attitudes toward marriage. He wants to get engaged this year, and I'm panicking. When I think about him actually proposing, all my muscles tense up and I feel like a caged animal. At one point, I was pretty certain that he was planning something for our trip earlier this month, and I kept coming up with reasons not to go. I had no idea how I would react if he actually proposed.

 

Why is this happening? Why did my feelings change? I want to be with him, so why did I stop wanting to marry him? Does everyone panic when they're close to possibly tying the knot? Is it just my gut telling me that he's not the one? How can I talk to him about this without hurting him?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Is it possible you are simply feeling resentment towards him that he wasn't on the same page as you for the longest time? It takes some people a little longer to feel that they want to marry their partner..they need time. You were ready within 6 months..but it is possible that you were in the honeymoon phase...now the honeymoon phase is over. Perhaps your feelings are not as strong as you think they are...while his feelings for you started off slowly and built up over time, yours started quickly and then started fizzling. I think you need to figure out if your feelings of wanting to marry him disappeared because you resent him for taking too long, of if you do have a serious issue with the relationship and feel that he is not the right person for you.

[Hermes]

KarateKate:

 

In your post you clearly say you have no desire to end the relationship, so clearly you love this man. The best course of action IMO is to tell him how you feel, that you prefer to wait. You have been together for three and a half years, and that must mean you get along together well. Yes?

It is better to take your time and in due course (having seriously thought about it) to go into marriage with your eyes open. Too many people dash into marriage in a romantic haze, only to discover it is not for them. Six months was too short a time, and IMO your partner was right not to rush into something then.

 

All the best

Hermes