Batya33 Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 This is a belief that you have about men that is continually being challenged and contradicted by men and yet for some reason you choose not to believe them. Because I know what worked and what didn't - despite your opinion that I don't know enough people (we can agree to disagree) to back up my opinion. And I don't give too much credence to "I would be turned off if she didn't call me as much as I called her in the beginning or if she didn't ask me out for a second date if I asked her for the first" or similar because I look at the scarcity of long term happy relationships where the woman did do equal amounts of calling/asking in the beginning or more. Obviously we have the correlation/causation problem but it's so widespread I formed that opinion (and certainly it was true for me). Again, there are exceptions, especially among women who prioritize their version of "equality" from the very beginning - if they'd rather be single than date someone who would be turned off if she did as much asking out as he did when they were first dating, then by all means she should look for someone who felt as she did. Same for a woman who wants a passive man she can control. And as I've written I really don't know what's going on in the teenagers-early 20s category - maybe it's changed - anecdotally I think it hasn't changed much but I just don't have enough information. I've known my husband for almost 15 years - been close with him for about half of that time. We started two relationships during that time and while he is more of a traditional guy, he certainly is pro "women's rights", has many women friends and colleagues who he respects, respects women(well, he respects people in general and doesn't differentiate by gender), certainly respected and admired my career, intelligence, opinions, etc. And if the subject of "how we met" comes up he loves the part of the story where he courted me - no, not "chased". And that includes the first time from almost 15 years ago. Maybe it's just me but I think it carries over into the relationship even when you're settled down together, etc - the early part of the romance - and I think many men (most men!) love to feel and love to know that they did the pursuing (I don't like that term because it sounds too much like "chase" - not waht I mean), and came up with special dates (whether expensive or free or in between) etc etc. And I've seen it the other way - couples where the guy is clearly not that into the woman where the woman did more or most of the pursuing in the beginning - he is with her but not in any enthusiastic way. That's only a small part of what I mean, but I don't think the "how we met/what happened in the beginning" stays in the past, forgotten, for most couples. As far as MissKitty, I've given my opinion that what doesn't work for her is her insistence that a man who has met her only 2 or 3 times stop dating or looking to date other women or else he must not be "that" into her. I think that approach sabotages many potentially great relationships. But she has to live true to her values. Link to comment
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.