Jump to content

Calling Men


SVenus113

Recommended Posts

Has anyone read Mimi Tanner's "Calling Men?" I'm wondering about people's opinions. If you haven't, it essentially says women should really NEVER call a man. I know it sounds ridiculous to be so black-and-white (at least to me it does) but that's what I get out of it.

 

Thoughts?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 81
  • Created
  • Last Reply

It's someone's opinion. No more, no less.

 

Well, wait, lemme amend that:

 

It's someone who decided to take their opinion, write it down, and market & sell(?) it. I'm not familiar with the book/article, but I assume it's something that's being offered for sale.

 

I'm guessin' the real agenda looks something like this:

 

1. Write something, sell it, make money.

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

.

.

..

.

 

.

.

.

.

.

.

xx. Maybe I can help some people.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's ideal I guess. I personally don't really call or text unless he does, but then I'm on aim

all the time, and I think it's also the same thing as making myself too available to men.

 

I don't know what to believe anymore. I'd also like to know what other people think about this whole thing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Of course she is trying to make money . . . I'm just wondering how many people believe her words and advice to actually be true and hold some weight behind them.

 

Some of what she says is a bit hard for me to take because I'd like to label myself a feminist. So to think that a woman can never call a man with successful outcomes is hard to accept . . . but then again, what do I know? Perhaps she is right:

A man would like to think he's a modern man, which means he will hold to no old-fashioned rules that women should not call men, so he would never so or ever think that a woman should 'never' call him.

 

However, it just so happens that the old-fashioned ways still work becaue they reflect how human nature works between men and women. Men pursue women b/c a man values most the woman he has pursued, not the woman who pursued him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Seriously?

 

You know as much as she does. She's not telling you anything you haven't already heard. She's also not telling you anything that's going to work with all men in all situations.

 

Would some men prefer to be the pursuer? Sure. And some men would love to be pursued. I see threads from men on here quite frequently just wishing that women would take some initiative and not expect them to do all the pursuing.

 

People who write these types of things are playing to your fears and insecurities and want to profit off them.

 

So, you've gotten the gist of what she thinks is the truth...so experiement. Hell, buy a book or two if you want. Try it 'her way' for, say, a month or two or 3 and see if it's true for you. Because that's the only way to find out what's true for you.

 

Her truth isn't necessarily your truth....and her truth isn't necessarily The Truth, either.

 

See, my truth goes along these lines: Someone who plays on my fears and insecurities to get me to buy something isn't looking out for my best interest and is someone I should be highly skeptical about.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

See, my truth goes along these lines: Someone who plays on my fears and insecurities to get me to buy something isn't looking out for my best interest and is someone I should be highly skeptical about.
Well said. Most of these sort of books are written purely for profit.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

i do have a number of self-help books and find many of them - well, helpful!

 

i'm not sure about the never calling a man thing. i haven't read the book. though i think after a few weeks or months, the guy may notice that you are never calling and figure you are not interested. i've seen guys post threads like that here, when they are concerned that the woman they are dating never initiates or suggests dates or calls them just to say hi, they wonder if she is really not that interested and if they should move on.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think many men these days would assume lack of interest if the woman didn't call after fairly short period of time. And if he tolerated her not calling at at all I would infer that he had some major self-esteem issues or was fairly desperate.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Weellll, what if he says he'll call you "soon" to get a cup of coffee and you haven't heard after a week and a half . . . ?

 

Ugh, as you can see, I am struggling to know when/if to call. I guess I am trying to be patient, but I also want him to know I am interested still . . . and I just don't know.

 

But if I listened to Ms. Tanner's advice in her book, I would never call and let him know I'm still interested because THAT would turn him off.

 

Can I just say that I hate these stupid games, ugh!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

These rules and weird ideas may have worked in the 1950's, but with how culture has changed for women since the 60's or so, these rules are null and void. I think everybody's been watching too many hokey love movies and princess stories. All I know is weather I like her or not, I have a certain respect for assertive women. The unassertive ones make me feel like they want a keeper, or new daddy. The assertive ones seem like an equal and someone whos not playing games.

 

If call the next day when I'm interested, it's never blown up once for me. and I've never thought anything bad of any woman who called me the next day, it actually seems like a good (great) sign to me. heck sometimes I've called or been called later that night after the date.... Distance is for uninterested or broken up people.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i do have a number of self-help books and find many of them - well, helpful!

 

So do I.

 

Well, I don't have them, because I'm cheap and tend not to buy books when there's a perfectly good library about a mile from my house. But, I have read a number of self-help books. It's one of my favorite genres of book, in fact.

 

Relationship advice, finance, spiritual/personal growth, overcoming addiction/food & eating issues, cooking, household/fix-it-yourself books...to me these all fall under the broad category of "self-help."

 

What I have noticed about self-help books is I can read one and either feel:

 

Demoralized, like I've had everything I've been doing wrong pointed out to me and been shamed/blamed for it and like the author is trying force me to do it their way (aka "the right way")

 

Or I can finish one of these kinds of books and feel empowered, like I learned something, and that I do have enough brains and know-how to improve the way I'm doing stuff....like the author has acknowledged that I'm reasonably intelligent and have done the best I could with the knowledge, skills & tools I had and has simply said, "yes, I see you're stuck...I was in a similar spot and here's how I got out....or here's how some other people got out." They don't come accross with the attitude that their way is "the right/only way." It's very 'take-what-you-need-see-what-works-for-you-and-leave-the-rest.'

 

I much prefer the second type. I've gotten pretty good at spotting which kind of book it's going to be early on and abandon the first kind mostly unread anymore.

 

I was getting a very strong "first kind vibe" from the website of the author that was the inspiriation of this thread.

 

One commonality on nearly all of the self-help books I've read -- I can usually find at least one useful bit of info from even the worst of them...so, I'll take that and use it and toss the rest. My time is valuable to me, though....so I try to stick with books that have more (much more) than one useful nugget and less "make me feel worse than when I started" filler.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think many men these days would assume lack of interest if the woman didn't call after fairly short period of time. And if he tolerated her not calling at at all I would infer that he had some major self-esteem issues or was fairly desperate.

 

Or the domineering/controling type....seeing what he could get away with. If she'll put up with long periods of silence and snap to when he does decide to call, she's "trainable."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Can I just say that I hate these stupid games, ugh!

 

I hated them, too.

 

So I quit playing. Did it drive men off? Yeah, some. The ones who liked or thought we should be playing games.

 

The ones who were sincerely interested (and had a similar outlook on game playing) appreciated the lack of BS.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Weellll, what if he says he'll call you "soon" to get a cup of coffee and you haven't heard after a week and a half . . . ?

 

Then you'd know he wasn't interested.

 

In much the same way that he'd know you weren't interested if you didn't ring.

 

 

Getting to know someone/acting on interest is a natural thing, and any time you try to impose rules on somethign like that, you make it harder for everyone involved to work out what's going on.

 

Especially if the poor guy doesn't know that you're using these rules, which is just mean and setting the whole thing up for even more failure.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Honestly, I don't want to date the kind of guy that would call me every time without me calling him. Sounds like it's the precursor to someone overly aggressive/doesn't have very good tact.

 

50/50 has always worked for me. I pay for what I eat, or we alternate dates. Chivalry is nice, but it's not expected. And, there is no reason for me not to do things for him that would be considered chivalrous. I initiate sex when I want. I call when I want. I do what I want to do without feeling insecure. I'm just an action kind of person. If my boyfriend does something I dislike, I talk to him about it. I do not want to be passive in my relationship. It'd drive me insane. I don't do things that would cause me to feel insecure/doubtful. I'm pretty sure waiting around for a phone call even though I've been in a 2 year long relationship is the actions of an insecure, doubtful person.

 

50/50, I've had no problems with. My boyfriend took some getting used to it but he has no complaints now. It's not an attack on his masculinity but redefining what it means to be masculine.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just hate the games... Perhaps it's my age! I do see that in the past my direct (over here we'd call it the 'I'm from Yorkshire' -which I am) approach has scared some men off. But you know, I don't want to be with a guy who needs me to be playing games with him.

 

I overthink enough, without wondering how long to talk for if he calls, or feel helpless for a week if he doesn't. Sheesh, it seems SO UNFAIR to me to put all the work onto men, apart from anything else!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

interesting. when i was single and at the end of my rope i read a book called 'stop getting dumped' by lisa daily. looking back on it my cheesyometer shouldve went off before i read it but i figured id try anything at that point.

 

one of the rules in the book was to never call a man. this must be a common theme in some 'bag a man and get a ring in less than 3yrs books'

 

as much as i tried to follow some of the 'rules' in the book that was one i didnt obide by. it just didnt make sense to me and i thought it would achieve the opposite effect by giving him the impression that im not interested. she has a whole chapter in this book called 'never call a man'

 

i guess its more of a 'let him chase me' tactic as he will be more intrigued by me if hes the one doing the pursuing. it also said you should be the one who ends the call, instead of him because it will keep him wanting more.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


×
×
  • Create New...