BF hung up on me.. I am so ANGRY right now.

[Ms Darcy]

Ok I see your guys' point.. but it's hard because this past week I barely got to see him cause of work.. and I guess it just built up inside me and then I just snapped. Like before this week, everything was going great and we were going out and doing things I wanted to do. And then this weekend his attitude is just so low. I'm honestly trying to be understanding.. but its hard when he sounds not so happy talking to me. I'm also majorly pmsing and getting really emotional.. more so than normal. Even tonight I just bursted out crying after he hung up on me. This is taking a toll on me. I guess I'm too stubborn.. I probably should appologize but I feel so disrespected for being hung up on. He could of just told me that he didn't like my attitude or something instead.

 

It also bothers me that his job is taking up his life.. but I can't even talk about that anymore cause it just causes us to fight. I'm proud of all the work he does but it just sucks because right now it takes so much of his time..

 

Why is the oweness on him to explain to you your bad behavior? Don't you think he has a right to express his frustration (hanging up on you) for your disrespect of him?

 

I think you need to think about how much you want this relationship. If you can't handle his schedule maybe you should move on instead of yelling at him like he's a child.

[G-Snap]

Posted by In the Dark: When someone is put through what he had been through, they tend to get sensitive when someone talks about their leisure time and if you had been out for all that time, you must have had a great time without a doubt.

 

You are absolutely, 100% correct on this! I've been there as the one working all the time...

[dan92]

From your other posts you just need to chill out in general from my point of view it always looks like your the one that makes it esculate. Take a step back, chill, breathe and talk.

[G-Snap]

I barely got to see him cause of work.. and I guess it just built up inside me and then I just snapped. Like before this week, everything was going great and we were going out and doing things I wanted to do. And then this weekend his attitude is just so low. I'm honestly trying to be understanding.. but its hard when he sounds not so happy talking to me. I'm also majorly pmsing and getting really emotional.. more so than normal. Even tonight I just bursted out crying after he hung up on me. This is taking a toll on me. I guess I'm too stubborn.. I probably should appologize but I feel so disrespected for being hung up on. He could of just told me that he didn't like my attitude or something instead.

 

Whoa. look at ALL of the "I" statements you have made in this post. This post sounds more self centered than the first.

 

No empathy whatsoever shown for HIM.

 

-"I" barely got to see him because of work (wow,his work cramps your style I see)

- was going great and we were going out and doing things "I" wanted to do (hmm, he worked hard all week yet is out doing what YOU want to do.

-I'm honestly trying to be understanding.. but its hard when he sounds not so happy talking to me (its hard for YOU to be understanding???? what about HIM ? If i were him i'd have snapped by now with all of this 'me'ness out of you

-I'm also majorly pmsing and getting really emotional.. more so than normal (that isn't his problem and women who are pms'ing need to realize they shouldn't make others suffer for it. I get PMS too but do not take it out on people around me. If you are PMS'ing THAT bad then not talking to him or seeing him until you feel rational again might be the only recourse. He worked all day why does he need to deal with an irrational PMS'ing female????)

-I probably should appologize but I feel so disrespected for being hung up on (probably should apologize? no you should apologize, YOU were the disrespectful one here.

[Maya_A]

I will appologize tomorrow when he calls me.

 

Why wait until tomorrow?? If you can't speak on the phone for some valid reason until then, you can at least email/text that you truly want to apologize & you will elaborate more tomorrow.

 

If you wait, he is still feeling the sting of what you wrote in that message to him, the entire day today.

 

As you can see, the responses have been 100% unanimous, which doesn't always happen in threads. If you want to deal in respect (you used that word), let him know asap you were in the wrong.

 

Also, you may want to consider whether someone working that many hours is really for you. Whether you can stick it out until he says it will get better. It seems to be getting the best of you.

 

I get it, as though I respect a person's choice or necessity to do so, I'd never, ever date someone who had that work schedule. It just wouldn't be the type of connection I'm looking for.

 

Some people can work with it, and if you feel you can & want to wait it out, you truly need to find better ways to manage your emotions when you haven't spent as much time as you'd like. If you decide you can do it, you need to let go of negative feelings around it & truly accept it. That comes along with choosing it to be okay for you. If you choose it as okay, you can't (reasonably) turn around & be upset by it...

 

If you feel you can't be in such a relationship as your frustration will just keep building up & emotionally you just wouldn't get a handle on it, then that is another "answer" & path to follow...

[hkitty]

Wow, after reading everyone's posts it made me realize how irrational and selfish I was with my bf. It's funny how before I got all your advice, I truly felt he was wrong for hanging up on me like that and I was just going to stay mad at him. But after hearing your guy's opinions.. I see where he is coming from and I should of thought about that more. I was being a little bit selfish and inconsiderate to his feelings.

 

The funny thing is today he called me in the morning and told me EXACTLY what you guys told me. He said the reason he hung up was cause I was getting all pissed because he couldn't hear me. And not only that but I talked about how I went out the night before till like 4am.. and I guess he was planning to see me that night but I already had told him I was going out. See if I knew he was going to see me, I wouldn't have gone out but I guess I just assumed he wasn't going to so I made plans with my friends already.

 

Then he told me he was mad that I was complaining about how I never see him cause of his work but this week I could of seen him on Friday night except I went out to the club. Then saturday night i had to babysit till 1130pm and he would of seen me after except I gave him an attitude on the phone that night. I guess I am clueless when it comes to relationship and how a man thinks.

 

I did however I appologize to him, although he was still annoyed. He told me that he wasn't going to see me today because he was still angry which I respect (although im dissapointed cause I really want to see him). But I'm glad we got to talk things out cause now i get a better picture of what he is thinking. He told me he might see me later on today if he's in a better mood so hopefully he can let what I did go.

 

I want to thank you all for your honest opinions. I'm really glad I came here or else I would of been holding a grudge against him thinking that he was wrong the whole time. I really need to learn to take his feelings into consideration instead of thinking about my feelings all the time.

 

I really do love him.. and I realize if I keep doing this, he's not going to want to deal this anymore. I guess I just got to learn to control my temper.

 

I don't really think I need anger management? Or maybe I do.. but I didn't think it was that bad. I'll admit I am quick tempered.. everyone knows that about me. But I don't get super out of control with my anger.

 

Although I hate his work schedule, I'm willing to stick it out with him because I do want to be him forever. If I didn't love him, I honestly would of left a long time ago because I am def not happy with his work life.

 

Anyways, thank you all again for your help. I appreciate it.

[Maya_A]

Good for you! That's awesome...

 

I really hope you can work through this & I wish the two of you all the best...

[hkitty]

He called me back and is willing to see me I'm going to make it up to him by picking him up (normally he always picks me up) and treating him to lunch!

[DN]

I don't really think I need anger management? Or maybe I do.. but I didn't think it was that bad. I'll admit I am quick tempered.. everyone knows that about me. But I don't get super out of control with my anger.

Look at the consequences of the last two times that you lost your temper with your boyfriend. This time you swore at him and until a number of people pointed out that you were the one in the wrong you were convinced you were justified.

 

Quick-tempered means bad-tempered and bad-tempered means an anger issue. So I think you should reconsider whether you need some help with it.

[eggplant47]

He called me back and is willing to see me I'm going to make it up to him by picking him up (normally he always picks me up) and treating him to lunch!

 

Wonderful! That's real progress. Apologizing and treating him for once is not only a gesture of good will, it will make him feel loved and supported. Everyone needs that in a relationship.

[G-Snap]

He called me back and is willing to see me I'm going to make it up to him by picking him up (normally he always picks me up) and treating him to lunch!

 

I think you have a real opportunity here to experience positive change. Not everyone happens onto a site like ENA where they can get such unanimous feedback that helps them to see that perhaps they are the one being immovable and in the wrong.

 

Just remember that women PMS'ing isn't something any man really wants to cherish, and that we women have the power to not assume that people should have to tolerate us if we are feeling irrational, moody and cranky. We are not a slave to PMS and can remove ourselves from people if we are getting selfish and feeling a tantrum coming on. And just because he is at work when you are partying (as you said otherwise you would be with him) doesn't mean he is HAPPY about being the one at work while you are out having a good time, and YES, it is more than a mite irritating to have to hear a significant other regale us with stories of their fun escapades while we had to work.

 

You say maybe you don't understand men all that well, really you don't have to understand men so much as you need to put yourself in his shoes more often and view the situation through his lens.

[In the Dark]

He called me back and is willing to see me I'm going to make it up to him by picking him up (normally he always picks me up) and treating him to lunch!

 

Yeah that would stop me from being pissed off.

But then good food is my weakness.

[petite]

You're lucky he is so forgiving. Just stop abusing it and start appreciating him more, otherwise he will leave you. Trust me even if people say they never will, if you mistreat them, they are going to, and there is nothing you can do about it.

[hkitty]

You're right petite.. I guess I can be too high maintenance sometimes.

 

He actually brought up another issue today while we had lunch. He said that I act like I'm "single" because I'm always going out clubbing. I don't ALWAYS go out clubbing.. I mean at one point I was going out a lot but I've calmed it down a bit. He said that it's hard for him to take me serious if I don't act like im in a relationship. The thing is I don't go out to clubs to flirt with guys, I just go out to have fun with my friends and dance. But to him he knows that guys are going to approach me and especially if my friends are single, my single friends are going to want to hang out with guys at the club. I see his point.. but I never knew it bothered him. I guess hes been keeping quiet this whole time and letting me do what I want. I know if he did the same thing, I wouldn't be happy either. THe only reason I even go out to the clubs sometimes is cause he's working and too tired to go out, so why am I going to just bum around at home. Anyways, I guess I'm going to try tone it down a bit cause I do want him to take this relationship seriously.

[petite]

-How old are you guys?

-How often do you go clubbing?

 

I can see this being an issue, obviously you guys have different opinions on such things.

 

You say the only person you go is because he is either working or too tired. Why do you have a need to actually go clubbing? Why not have a quiet coffee with a friend or dinner at the restaurant he works at? When he gets off work, chill out at home, cuddle, watch TV, give each other massages, give him a back rub.

You don't need to go clubbing to have fun.

 

I'm different, but for me clubbing is actually BORING. I'm over that stage of my life and I prefer conversation over a loud stuffy place. As for dancing, there are dance classes you both can go to together and actually have fun as a couple.

[hkitty]

I'm 24 and he's 27. He's over the partying/clubbing stage. Usually when we're together we go out for a nice lunch or dinner which I enjoy or sometimes we'll go out to drink with friends. And then if not that we just have a night in and just chill and relax together or watch a movie. He's a very relaxed type of guy. I still like going out every now and then and I enjoy going out to clubs and just letting loose for a little bit since I don't go out at all during the weekday. I really don't go clubbing that often anymore. I use to go every weekend (this was awile ago) but now I go maybe like once or twice a month so I don't know why it's such a big deal to him all of a sudden. I think he was more mad that I stayed out till 4am with my friend (who just got out of a relationship). But I did agree upon me just going out once in awhile and I won't stay out too late. Sometimes I don't see him on Friday nights cause he works late and even if he does sleep over, he has to wake up early the next morning for work so I usually see him Sat night where he can sleep over and spend his whole sunday off with me.

 

Yeah the dinner or coffee with a friend is a good idea. I do that too but I usually end up wanting to go out after lol. I think now though, im just going to go out to clubs when it's a special occasion/birthday or if he's there with me. Anyways, thanks for your advice petite!