How should I approach this (staying friends/winning her back)

[fr0z3n]

Or lets just say that let's not bother whatever the hell they are doing... Whatever it is, it doesnt concern us anymore, may it be good or bad, they can do whatever they want... We will just feel bad if we will think what they are doing, and in bad cases, we might tend to dwell too much if we don't know exactly what happen (like assuming the worst) and it will have an effect on us and even though we might know what happen, there will be times that we will not accept it and we will insist the thing that is on our mind is the real thing that happened...

 

Though Im not feeling great this week my friends, Im not feeling bad either... Its sort of in between. I have visited the house of one of my buddies this past week and we are looking forward now on having a little get together with our group since high school days, its also a sad thing that it might be our last get together in that house because my friend's mother and siblings are moving and they will sell the house, we have alot of memories on that house, I just realized earlier that this past week, I havent thinked of my ex that much, I hope it will be like this this coming week...

 

That friend of mine is also an anime and computer enthusiast just like me, I always feel good everytime I talk to someone with the same mind like me and I realized how long it was since we hanged out with each other, I mean it's really a long time and now, since last day, meaning 3 days, I am busy planning for a good setup for my future best friend (a new PC

 

I guess I want to share my experience this week to you my friends, I hope you'll also get a good week too... Let's focus on our goals to heal and be a better persons so if our ex will come back or we'll find a new one, at least it's a good start that we are back to ourselves but better... Ive just been thinking, if my ex will come back or i'll start to find a new prospect while im still at this state, it wont be good because I havent completed picking up myself back or almost done getting up...

 

So guys... I wish you all the best luck...

[Tangz]

fr0zen. If you meet anyone take it with a grain of salt. Don't rush into anything serious as you could end up getting hurt! There are positives though. It could take your mind of your ex but then again you could wind up comparing them to your ex. I would wait till you heal a bit better and when your head is a bit more clear then go from there. Its good you are seeing your friends. It really helps me. Have you been going to the gym?

 

Anyway, on my story well I miss her today I think it was because I saw her last night. I was planning on spending the night with my two mates (my best chick mate and her boyfriend who is one of my best mates). Anyway it winds up that another mate and my ex were going to join us. I hummed and harr'd about going thinking I shouldn't go because I was planning a week of NC so it kind of pissed me off to learn she was going.

 

It ended up being a good night anyway, we had a BBQ, had a couple beers and just hung out. Everything was normal and near the end I think the centre of attention was around me as I was talking/joking around with everyone alot and generally (and genuinely!) acting really happy. What do you think our ex's think when we appear to be the center of attention and just being a clown (without trying to hard, as I said It was genuine)?????????

 

But yeah I did the stupid thing last night and looked at her for a few seconds and let my feelings build up inside me.

 

No contact today but she txt me earlier, all was said was 'Keep getting txts from civic video' as the DVD rental shop I belong too has her number listed as the contact. Ive noticed when she contacts she doesn't bother to say "Hi " anymore and the tone of her txt's are little duller (usually she puts exclamation points at end of sentences or says lol alot so txts dont sound so serious). Its all good though im not gonna worry about stupid * * * * like that but I just wonder if shes trying to not be as nice because she doesn't want to sound weak - kinda like how dumpees would talk to a dumper?

[Tangz]

So I was telling her best mate that I was having weird dreams lately and mentioned that she was in it and it sucked when I dreamt about her.

 

She emailed back saying that my ex told her last night that she is going thru the 'missing you' stage. It sent a shock thru my heart. I emailed back saying not to tell me that lol (in a nice way) but said it was good to hear that.

 

5 mins later my ex emails me asking how I was and if I was coming for drinks 2nite (we going out 2nite and again she will be there lol). Once again we haven't been longer than 30 hours of contact.

 

So now that I know shes missing me what now?

[Tangz]

So drinking last night at our mates house...everything was cool.

 

Went to the toilet and my ex came out as I was going in, she stopped me and asked for a hug so we hugged...could tell she was missing me.

 

We all went out to a bar, got pretty drunk, I asked her to come dance with me which she did.

 

So yeah it was good but im worried I was giving her too much attention by asking her to dance, accepting to hug her etc that she might now feel 'comfortable'.

[getbiii]

lol don't worry, just think about it this way, you just gave her little taste of what you have, its like when you are hungry and you just get a bite to eat, it makes you even more hungry.

 

so the NC hits them even harder and helps them realize what its like with you, and without you...

 

 

i gave tooo much atention to my ex today! she came over we even had sex !

lol=) it was good

 

but defenetly NC after this.

[Tangz]

Ta mate, your right actually. Gave her a taste.

 

Probably seeing her 2nite, will be drinking etc, im pretty keen to get sum lol just gotta figure out the best way to go about that... the s.xual attraction is real high with her at the moment lol hope she feels the same, ive been working out and making sure im looking my best 24/7 so i think she might.

[brandnewday47]

lol don't worry, just think about it this way, you just gave her little taste of what you have, its like when you are hungry and you just get a bite to eat, it makes you even more hungry.

 

 

HAHA, this reminded me of a great, great thread that I stumbled on a few week ago:

 

 

[getbiii]

lol that was pretty long post and it all came down to a few simple words.

 

i guess its right!

its hard to determine if they are working for it or not thou,

[Tangz]

So after having a pretty downer weekend ive decided that I have to let go now and cant fool myself into holding on a little bit. I have to distance myself as much as possible.

 

Similar to majord's The Master Plan (v1) im going to remain strong willed and remove them from my life, which is near impossible because we have same friends so i can only remove them so much, but that will do. Im going to stay NIC but my replies will be very delayed and very short. Try and avoid her on weekends which may mean hanging with other friends or something, but it has to be done. Eventually she will ask me why im ignoring her/avoiding her whatever so im deciding now whether or not to let her know how I think. I really want to tell her now so it moves the secuirty from here right away, so she knows im not there for her anymore as it could be at least 1-2 weeks before she noticing.

Basically shes now made a decision to leave me and shes going to have to live with it (i.e its gonna come true!). I respect her decision, she made the right choice for herself if the reasons shes doing it are really true and the right choice for us to have a better relationship if it happens later down the road. I think she wants to experience a young adult life and believes she can't have a long term relationship for that happen fully, well if she truly believes that then okay however I think its a maturity thing and shes just worried she won't experience that which is a bit bs because I gave her alot of space in our relationship (as she did with me) and we could always do whatever so I never held her back from doing her own thing. She could wind up mid-20's, alone, thinking "well ive lost the one person that loved me more than anything all to go out and have fun, that wasn't worth it", we'll have to see - like I said if shes thought it through and she TRULY, UTTERLEY believes that then she has made the right decision.

She wanted to stay in contact/be friends. Well she can't have that, it will remove some secuirty from her knowing im not there for her anymore. If she ever wants me back its gonna be her to do the chasing, im not gonna wait and im not gonna play everything cool in an attempt for that.

 

I kind almost feel bad about this, she genuinly wanted to be friends and has been good to me since the break up. However I Must admit the potential rebound, that was quite hurtful. I guess its cuz I really do love her and dont want to hurt her (wow if only she knew that..) Someone tell me not to feel bad here!!

 

I already feel better about things, knowing im making the right decision here makes me pleased with myself, that I can be mature enough to at least get into the right mind of this.

[Tangz]

Txting the ex last night and I said that being friends right now isn't going to work. She agreed, saying its still hard seeing each other.

 

She then said she read thru some old letters we sent used to send each other (she does this when she misses me) back when we were at school in the puppy love stage. She said she promised that she'll always be here for me and said she will keep that promise.

 

Other things she said during the txt conversation were 'im all good, getting there lol' after I asked her how she was doing

'you know I worry about you', I told her to stop worrying about me and she said 'I try not 2 your a big boy ay lol'

and about the friends thing, she said after a couple more txt's 'but your right just for a while we need to stear clear'

 

It felt good manning up and having the courage to let go. NC for me is the best thing, I always feel good during the week when I don't hear from her/about her. Might have to block her from face book.

[Live-N-Learn]

Might have to block her from face book.

 

I do not want to block mine and have chosen to stay off FB til I am over her. Day 13 NC day 7 NC from FB

[Tangz]

I just dont want to open facebook and see her at the top of the updates like I have lately. Its rather annoying as im sure she wasn't that frequent on it when I was with her lol

[hater13]

IF the ex's come back it's always after you've already gotten past the relationship...at least i've noticed this

[Tangz]

Can see that happening.....

 

I feel pretty good today, kinda relieved that I got it off my chest and can now move on.

I wish my ex the best of luck. No doubt we will talk again in the not too distant future (as friends) but I hope it comes when we are both ready

[abigheart]

I just dont want to open facebook and see her at the top of the updates like I have lately. Its rather annoying as im sure she wasn't that frequent on it when I was with her lol

 

lol Tangz there's actually a way to remove her from coming up on your News Feed. I did this for my ex. If there was an update about him or something on the main FB news feed page, I think if you hover your mouse over to the right side of her name/status update and it will say "Hide." Click that button and it will ask if you want to hide your ex from coming up on your updates. Hopefully that helps!

[abigheart]

Okay didn't see this before the Facebook blocking comment you made after. Did you end up removing her? I think it's best you just "hide" her. I mean you can do as you want, but I didn't want to delete my ex completely. I think it depends on the person of course, but ehh I don't think it would have helped my cause in moving on. I already know I would have been thinking I felt and looked weak for having to delete him. But to each his/her own!!

 

Well good for you for being upfront about the NC then. And it sounds like it was discussed and ended on a good note with both of you being mature about it. you've already done well, you're gonna do even greater Tangz! I already PMed you before seeing this so yeah.

[Tangz]

Hey bigheart. Oh THANKs for that!!! Wicked, if I do that do they still get to see mine and i I can still see her profile right? Not that stalk her but you know..

[abigheart]

No problem Tangz! Yeah, they can see your stuff unless they also decide to "hide" you from the news feed/main page area with all the updates. And yep, you can still see her profile if you search for her at the top of the page like any other person you'd search.

 

"Hiding" the person just means like an update of hers comes out when you aren't even expecting it. I guess it's all about self-control in terms of not going to her profile, after you decide to "hide" her updates

[kvb10]

I think 3 weeks is too soon... give it 3 months and in the time try to really move on and get over her. if you still feel the same after 3 months, maybe try to re-open contact and see how it goes.

[Tangz]

Where did you get three weeks from?

 

Its been about 6-7 weeks since we broke up.

I'd like to see how the next month goes now we are in NC.

[kittykat_12]

I was a huge facebooker when my bf and I were together. Our relationship status was never up there, but we had pictures and I'd always put cute things in my status directed towards him. He didn't care much for facebook... Since we've broken up (almost a month) I haven't logged on once!! I knew it would drive me mental to check up on him, and I didn't want to be tempted to accept friend requests, update my status based on my feelings that day, comment on wall posts etc. I didn't want him to see anything I was doing so I just stayed off of it. I'm sure it stirred up some curiosity in him because he texted a couple weeks after to ask how I was doing.... I'm sure if I was active on my facebook page, he wouldn't have felt the need to contact me. Also, our pictures are still up on both our profiles!

 

Facebook causes drama in relationships... big lesson I've learnt!

[Tangz]

Your right. I went on this morning and boom my ex is on there and starts chatting. Ruined the progress I had made this week.

 

Think its best I stay off it or just go offline in chat if shes on there

[Tangz]

Okay so an update...

 

Last week, had a pretty damn good week. As I said before It was weight off my shoulders and a bit more closure knowing we were gonna keep our distance.

 

So im at a bar, my mates band is playing. All our friends are there, obviously the ex isn't. She ends up showing up, and with the potential rebound, and her cousin. Im extremely pissed.

She barely said hi to me either, altho I could tell this was out of awkwardness.

 

So the next morning I text her, I say "Thanks for turning up with . Please keep your distance like we talked about"

she responds back saying "I know, im sorry, can we meet up later I promise this will be the last time we will talk"

me: "If its about you and then no, otherwise im okay with it"

her: "lol its not about me and , its nothing bad, just guess I want a bit more closure"

me: "okay come over by 10.30 cause I need to go out"

...10am arrives...

her: "come outside"

 

so im like why isn't she coming inside, so I go up to the road to her car, she looks upset. I get in the car, tell her to come inside, says she doesn't want too (obviously wouldn't handle it - wasn't expecting that as shes been over to mine a couple times since the break up)

We say hi how are ya etc, she explains to me she didn't mean to bring him, she had our friends asking her to come and one of them asked him a while back to come as well. She said he txt her asking if they were gonna go see this band, she said she felt sorry for him because he has no friends over here (hes from Eng) (she cannot say no to anyone and is constantly trying to please everyone and be a good friend). She knew she was doing wrong by bringing him. She said a couple of our friends gave him the cold shoulder when he was there. She said she even left for a bit to go sit in the car.

I tell her that it was okay, told her that I was really pissed off and it was gay of her to do that but seeing as it wasn't exactly on purpose its all good.

She cries during this.

We talk a bit about us now, about staying clear, she says things like "we can't say we wont be friends thats just stupid". We agree that we will stay clear where we can but we will still see each other around n stuff.

She says shes been missing me, not as a boyfriend (???) but having me around etc and not seeing me. (don't know what she means by that - shes missing ME but not US?? is that possible, kinda hand in hand isn't it?) and says its hard seeing me when we're all out etc. She cries again.

I end up telling her that I apologise for taking her for granted in the relationship, for being selfish etc, tell her I guess I was just tryna be a tough guy and sidelined alot of emotions. She appears stunned and has a good cry. Don't think she could believe I was apologizing (she considers me very stubborn when it comes to apologies) and appeared very emotional that I was able to recognize where I went wrong and apologise for it.

We have general talk etc, this whole time she seems upset, she hasn't been like this during the break up. We give each other a big hug, I ask for a kiss.

 

So it was pretty intense but VERY weird that she wanted to meet me 7 weeks after for some closure. Granted we only had one session where we talked about it 2 weeks into the break up. Shes obviously been missing me.

 

Its kinda * * * * ing annoying, just as I have the best day since the break up (Friday) all this happens! Now im kinda back to square one. Should have told her in the car that we just cant be friends right now, but it was quite emotional and different seeing her upset so I kinda thought we could do the 'stear clear but be friends' thing. I dont know!!!

 

As a side note, she went into town that night with her cousins and some friends. While im asleep She txts me at 2:40am saying "did you guys cruise thru town?".. then at 4:30am "u awake"

Was very strange to get these because she hasn't made random contacts in the middle of the night since the break up. Very confused about the 'u awake' bit too??????????

In the morning I did say "ru okay, I was asleep" and she said 'Oh sh*t sorry, yeah everythings all good'.

 

ADVICE PLEASE?!?!

[britomart]

The "us" feelings are targeted towards the new guy. It's likely that she misses you, but doesn't want the relationship back.

 

If she broke up with you, she doesn't deserve closure from you.

 

The random texts are a result of her thinking about you, but don't read too much into them. My ex texted me randomly 16 days after the breakup when he was at the airport (bored probably?), there were a few messages, including one after he landed, and then he was gone. Busy doing everything + maybe hanging out his his new girl.

[Tangz]

Thanks. And yes, should have been stronger and told her contact was simply just not going to work.

 

Yeah, I dont read too much into things but that was weird.