How should I approach this (staying friends/winning her back)

[fr0z3n]

may the lady luck shine upon the 3 of us... My summer class have already started, I have my daily allowance again and I can hang out with my friends now Have a good weekend my friends...

[getbiii]

Yes I ended the convo first! Albeit i hope she doesn't think im playing games by hinting to hang out but blowing her off in the end.... Ahh well ill take the positives out of it regardless and that was telling her not to bother coming around!

 

don't worry, she won't think its games, she'll think you just don't care! which is a good thing!

she'll think that you were like whatever about that, like if you didn't have anything better to do or something!...

and remember we always want what we can't have!

its like the push pull theory!

[fr0z3n]

whatever you did, she doesnt have anything to do about it, remember we can now do whatever we like...

[getbiii]

yup! amen to that! =P

its your life!

[Tangz]

Good to hear that your out being busy and seeing your mates fr0zen!

 

getbii, i hope you had a good weekend too.

 

So its Monday night here, loooong weekend comes to an end and its back to work tomorrow!

 

Anyway thought id share today...

 

Woke up today and planned a day of fishing with a couple mates, went over to their place. Was feeling pretty good today and was happy that I was back in my happy zone! Ex txtd me and asked what I was up to and asked to come fishing as well. I told her to txt my friend n ask so I didn't have to say yes and I wasn't sure if my friends wanted more ppl to come or not. So she did come in the end and everything went well. I acted normal and I was in a good mood so I was all happy, talkative and energetic which was good to show her. I do admit I felt a bit down when she left, she might have felt the same actually. But after fishing I went back to my friends place for dinner and watched a bit of TV with them and felt really good in the end and am feeling good now so all good!!

 

My friend (and my ex) also commented on my improvements since ive been working out which was cool to hear and hopefully it was rubbing it in my ex's face haha!!

 

So this week its back to work. Working out with my mates tomorrow night, probably catch up with friends in the evenings and then see what the weekend brings. Been really keen for a new tattoo lately hopefully I can round to it this weekend!

[fr0z3n]

good to hear that days are getting better for us guys... I hope next sunday wont become another bad day but here's ENA for us to vent and our friends here to support us...

 

I want to work out badly, maybe it's a good thing she left me, she always opposes me to go to the gym, he wants me to become chubby but I want a slender but hard built body, I want to learn martial arts too, I've been thinking about taking up Muay Thai...

 

Whenever Im online, most of her friends always ask me about her but Im just saying they are more closer to her (distance of their house) so why not they go directly to her to catch up with her...

[Tangz]

just say you haven't bothered to talk to her yet.

 

Yup go join a gym mate, gives you such great confidence and any attention females give you for it makes you feel so much better

[Tangz]

I was just thinking of what ive noticed of my ex in late.

 

Shes 19 now so shes maturing into an adult. Shes coming quite indepedant and her attitude of late has been more of finding exciting times (she went away last year to Europe for 6 weeks), going out more, wanting to drink alcohol more (say casual beers on a Sunday or after work when she was never really into this), staying up when shes out later than usual. Shes been going out with her other mates that she hasn't hung around with much in the past couple of years (again new people, new excitement. Talking about doing a bigger overseas trip at the end of the year. Feelings for another guy (new person, new excitement). Shes a bit more crazier when shes out and drinking too.

 

I believe that she is at a young adult stage where she is keen on doing new things, meeting new people, going out and looking for excitement which is why she looked at our relationship and saw no spark and being day in day out kinda thing. I always felt that this was just a phase she is going thru and it could very well be that - who knows.

 

This MAY work in my favour as having a break from me and then noticing me again as this better person I want myself to become kinda thing may also prove to be NEW and exciting to her. And as I said could just be a phase and she may wake up in a few months or a year or so feeling different and then realising shes lost me to her little phase.

 

It could also be bad as she ventures into early adulthood and IS changing as a person complelty. I spoke to my good mate last night who had a 5 year relationship with his first love and they broke up around 19 years old, he admits now that he has nothing for her anymore (albeit we all think he still loves her deep down) and said that "shes changed"........ I truly believe that this is not what my ex will be like forever but people DO change for good). She is a very mature person who keeps solid relationships, has a heart of gold and never forgets her friends or people in her life and what I described above are not really traits of people that tend to live a little crazy for a long period of time.

 

Thoughts?

[abigheart]

Hey again Tangz, okay this time I went through the entire thread!

 

Ok what do you mean you "truly believe that this is not what my ex will be like forever but people DO change for good"?

 

I will have to say though i agree...she's probably venturing into early adulthood and is going through some changes given that she's wanting to go abroad, drink, living in the now..but you just have no control how she feels as her thoughts definitely aren't on settling down and doing a long-term thing. Maybe she'll come around to it after the exciting times of early adulthood start to fade but we seriously don't know as obviously the future is just a big question mark in all matters of life.

 

But really, though it's inevitable we go through changes and as much as you want to freeze time, you just can't. at this point, our partners are acting on the changes they feel right now (hence the break-up) so to be honest, I really don't think you should hold onto any vision of her coming back to you after she notices you as a different person. She may notice you're different, but SHE can feel completely diff when that time comes and you can't expect her to be the same person as she is now.

 

Right now I don't think you should think so much ahead especially about HER life and her new changes/interests. It's hard not to, I really really know how you feel. I've been thinking a lot about how maybe my ex will come around, and so I'm thinking to myself I should wait...but that's bad bad thinking because we're basing it on scenarios we don't know will occur.

 

Reading thru this thread was a bit sobering haha in the sense that I keep telling myself I'm feeling better and on the way towards moving on but rather just adding false hope that we'll get back together.

 

sorry if nothin makes sense in my replay - it's almost 4 a.m., i should be doing my work ENA can be a distraction

[getbiii]

let me tell you one thing that life has thought me! people don't change, we are who we are, you can't be shy one day and the next wild. how ever we do mold a bit to our wants and needs, depending on life expierences and what they teach you. but then again how many people do you know that are B***es and have always been and have been told? do they change? they are still who they are, they might change but because another part of who they are just probably told them to hide it or that it wasn't a good idea...

seee you say your ex is into the party life now, she probably always liked it when ever she got a taste of it. the only difference now is that she can fully have it. or that now she discovered it and she liked it.

so if she went out with you its because you were her "type" she can't change 100% and you stop being her type, the thing that might change is that you won't be her "type" enough to stay with you. thats why we need to improve to get back with them, because we will be ahead of the game again.

they liked you for who you are, and by improving you will be a better you a more you they will like

 

see an example of this is, our tastes in things...

 

an example is; i have always loved rock music, i have always had favortie bands however just because i stop listening to that band as much as before doesn't mean i don't like it anymore, it just probably means i grew bored of it because they got stuck in the past and i found another band i liked more but still it was Rock. and i know! as long as i live, i will never hate rock music, and for a long long long time the music geners i hate like polka i won't like. unless for some reason i hang out with people who are into that, then it might grow on me, but for me to hang out with them would also be against what i like.

[getbiii]

hope that made sense, its late lol and im a bit drunk...

[Tangz]

Thanks for you reply and wow thats cool of you to read the entire thread.

 

"Ok what do you mean you "truly believe that this is not what my ex will be like forever but people DO change for good"?"

 

Basically I think my ex IS going thru a phase but on the other hand people really do change even when you think "nah I know them! They wont change!". Late teens/early 20's is probably also where you do go thru your biggest changes as you are leaving your teenage years and become an adult on your own two feet.

 

Yes I think I am probably reading too much into her life but if I am get to back togeather with her, and that is my mission, then I have to understand where she is heading to see if I have a chance. If I don't understand where she is right now and where she is going then I could end up making the wrong moves/giving myself false hope. But yes I shouldn't read into that much because the most important thing for myself, and for you, and for anyone reading is that we need to focus on OUR Lives!!

 

Why is thread sobering to your cause? I am hanging onto hope that my and ex and I will someday be back togeather but I am also healing really well - albeit leaving myself a bit open to being hurt later down the line but the way I see it is if im healing and getting over the break up at a good rate then months down the line I may be completely over it, over her, moved on and not even want her back in the end. Does this make sense?

 

DONT give up hope! Be hopeful but be smart!

[Tangz]

Getbii - Wow, awesome stuff! I think you made some great points that I was saying "thats true thats true" in my head as I was reading. As usual you come into my thread at the right time and give some great inspiration!!!

[getbiii]

thank you! just giving someone a hand because i am too where you are at! lol

but just like always, you can give the best advice but not know what to do with you own situation...( i honestly am always lost in with my ex) lol =)

 

 

-i am honest and not giving you false hope.

 

thats why they do come back when we let go of them!

because when we let go then we truly just focus on "us", investing all our time on us and that leading to improving ourselves and since we were already their "type" then we end up becoming more of what they want and like.

when they don't, its because "we" the dumpees discover who we truly are and find something more suitable for our likes, same for them.

(someone better)

 

 

see by what i read on your posts.. you are a party guy too, always with your friends hanging out! fun fun fun... she probably loved that about you, so if you keep improving and doing things for you then im guessing you are going to be spending a lot of your time, having more fun and hanging out with friends! (and she likes that)

 

this is also why going to the gym is a must for everyone! because everyone one is into sexy! everyone loves sex! so no matter who you are thats something you should improve on,

 

 

on this last paragraph its more like an example and what i know from what i read, im not her and you so i don't know what truly bonded you guys.

 

=) lol

[getbiii]

p.s. see what i mean, i had never realized what i am just telling you, its like i had an epiphany! hahahahah

[Tangz]

Im a party guy. I love going out having a awesome time with my mates on the piss! My ex did like it about me yes (well she wouldn't be with someone who wasn't like that anyway). Anyways im going to bed now!

 

Thanks again everyone! No doubt I will be on here posting tomorrow!!

[fr0z3n]

sleep well my friend... we're always here to listen to you and ready to give you a hand...

[fr0z3n]

@Tangz: I wanted to believe now that we might be really in the same boat... Your ex is 19 yrs old, mine just turned 20 this march 30... Before she broke up with me, I noticed she's becoming too self-centered specially after she experienced working, she easily adopts the characteristics of her workmates, planning for herself so much like wanted to work miles away from our hometown(city), wanted to work abroad, telling me she wanted to get married after 5 years, wanted to buy a house first before marriage and just like your ex, she wanted to live the partying life, she doesnt care anymore about my feelings, she usually lied to me if she'll be hanging out with her friends. I also noticed that she has more pride now, talking to me as if Im just a teenager, acting like my mom, looking into my faults even the smallest faults that I made, talking like she knew everything in life, and talking to me as if she knows what is best for me... I've been thinking this past few days that she is not the girl I knew anymore, she may have change but I can still see that she is trying too hard to change herself...

 

@getbiii: I didnt know that you're into rock music too, cool... My girlfriend likes hiphop and RnB but she hated me for being into rock music, Im just ignoring her everytime she brought up any issued about it, there shouldnt be any issues to it in the first place... Telling in my face that Rock music sucks and too many Rock vs HipHop nonsense thats why I've stopped listening to rock music for awhile and now Im catching up with my friends and in the music scene and maybe we'll start a band again and now I have more time to practice new skills and techniques in playing my guitar.

[Tangz]

So tonight she txt me asking if me and my mate were keen to go out. I said no its a bit too late notice now (around 8.30pm). She txt back saying to come. I left it for a while and said well whose going, she said "just me, "... left it for a while and txt back saying they should go to another bar. She then said "aw u funny just come over!". So I said "okay I will but dont pressure me to go out". So I get to her house and they've already left without her telling me! I txtd saying "have you left?" and she said back "yeah we at the bar now". I tried ringing her after that (so stupid!) got no pick up.

 

So I jsut got back home feeling really * * * * ing stupid and I no not to bother with that again lol. Totally not like her to just leave and not tell me after shes told me to come over.

 

This is strike 1. One or two more strikes and I dont think ill bother with the friendship thing and just everything go. I cant afford for things like this to happen!

[fr0z3n]

maybe dont wait for another strike my friend... You dont deserve to be treated like that... It seems we're a bit down again lately but I hope it's not like last sunday that we're all feeling messed up... We should get back now on our track and focus on ourself...

[Tangz]

Ahh frozen how have you been this week mate?

 

Yeah I shouldn't! Im still unsure if she had done that on purpose.. like is she playing games with me (not like her to do that)? Or does she just not care about me anymore that she "forgot" to tell me (shes not evil and she does anything for anyone so thats unlikely too)? As shes such a golden person, and I haven't hurt her, its hard too see why she would do that so im thinking that maybe she didn't know I turned up to her empty house...

 

It sucks because I am feeling good this week and was hoping for a solid NC and just catch up with her in the weekend but she bloody emails me on Wednesday and after two more email exchanges doesn't email back then mid-day Thursday she replies to my last email, I reply back, and she doesn't reply again... Now I'm thinking that maybe she's missing me and wants to talk to me but doesn't want to look like desperate so she makes sure she's the one who stops the exchange. If it this then it makes me laugh and feel quite good that im not the one initiating contact - but it also pissess me off. If she is truly missing me and is kind of 'hurt' that Im not contacting her/told her we shouldnt txt or email much and is now trying to play a game or something then I feel sorry for her because she was making an effort to be friends with me at the start and was being nice to me when she didn't have too (i really hate ill-treating people who are genuine towards you no matter what the case). I would love to pick her mind and see how shes feeling at the moment.

 

If shes asks what im up to tonight ill be sure to either ignore or just send a short reply to try and end it there.

 

I'll be seeing her tomorrow night as we are all going to this bar. Will be interesting to see how it goes. I expect her to try her hardest to play "hard to get" with me and purposely try not to talk to me etc - as I will probably be doing the same (lol) it could be quite bad haha.

 

Gah to be honest I would love it if she just went away or something for a couple months just so we can have our space. Its too hard to 'forget about her and not be friends' but we really need the time fully apart.

[fr0z3n]

my week is not a good one either... I messed up last teusday though Im feeling better now, still it's hard to think that I did that... Last time that Im saying Im feeling better, that day Im looking forward to sticking to NC but because Im still weak and did that thing, Im back to square one again, I hope it's easier to get up now unlike last time...

 

Supposedly I'll be posting the link of my post here but I've just checked my post and you already read it...

 

I wish you all the best mate... Good luck for us this upcoming weeks...

[Tangz]

So after having a great week I learn sum * * * * today that my ex and her cousin whose over from England went out on Friday and went back to some guys house. Im unsure of the details but I assume the worst. My mate who is friends with this guy is finding out the truth for me.

 

Argh its not like her to go and do that but I can still assume the worst. If something happened well i'll definitely be cutting contact with her alltogeather because of how * * * * I feel now I don't think I could go on being around her.

 

Went out last night ,she was with us, was a good night but definitely felt weird around her. Strange as all our past meetings have been fine when we togeather but this was definitely bit a strange and felt crap.

 

definitely think the best thing right now is to go onto full NC and try and avoid her as much as I can on the weekends (that will be tough). Hearing stuff like what ive heard is hard.

[Tangz]

Ahh sweet heard from another mate that its BS (she spoke to my ex) and she didn't go back to this persons house with her cusin and nothing happened. Wonder why this story filtered back tho. Will have to see what my other mate says when "he finds stuff out" but looks like its just bad info. Phew, feel much bettter now.

[getbiii]

thats why we can never guide ourselves by what we see our ex saying or others say,

because actions are louder than words in our case,

for example i used to go on to my ex's facebook and get really hurt everytime she wrote something to er rebound, later did i notice it was just small talk and she never says i love you or things like that.

 

so we kinda have to take every information from our ex as bulls**** unless proven by ourselves