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How should I approach this (staying friends/winning her back)


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hmmm i say if you want her back! stop being there for her, don't ignore her! actually stop being there (be busy when she does need you) and tell her you are busy and will call back some other time, don't stop the things you are doing in your new life just because of her, that will show her she has importance over your new life.

there is nothing wrong with going out with her but its probably not best because you want her to miss you, if you ever do see her or do run into her... remember who the hell you are! you are a bad ass M**** F*******!!! smile at everthing and act like the world is at your feet and nothing bothers you from up there,


girls just like life has showed me that we always want what we can't have, confidence in your self is always a magnet to people! thats why you see horrible people dating the most beautiful creatures! this brings me to another things, love yourself! love yourself more than you love your ex, you need to love yourself so other can love you too,


i don't know what else to tell you but im glad to help if i can or if you want my help,

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oh and having same friends is always a plus, its another way to get your message thru to her! think of the friends being the horse of troy! if you try to tell her how you've changed it might not work but somethings by showing theese things to her friends it will get her. after all they still have her confidence and they wouldn't lie to her would they?

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Thats why I told you OP to pickup yourself... You need to love yourself, you need to respect yourself again... You have your own controll over your own life now, dont let her take controll of you anymore...


Just a simple explanation:


If your doing things and in your mind is what could she be thinking if she knew your doing that or something like that... That means she's still in controll of your life (even though its involuntarily)...


But... If your doing things just because you like it (and didnt bother to even care what she would be thinking)... that means your in control of your life...

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its also like this,

who would you perfer?


A) a person who is always needing and calling you and wanting you to do everything for them



B)a person who is fun, likes to do things, is independent, nothing bothers them.


getbiii got it right... and another thing about this... If you cant stop thinking about her, try to think that if you were in her shoes, then read above...

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She contacted me and said hi the next day... I really went NC and I'm not contacting her, I'm not even thinking about to contact her... Like her, Im just doing my own things too...


I hope shes fine and I wish her the best... But because shes not my concern anymore, I'll just focus on myself, improve my strengts and accomplish some things...



LOL................ speak the truth man. I never wish any of my exes the best. A good part of healing is speaking whats really on your mind, and saying it, and meaning it. I usually wish the worst on my exes.

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getbiii and fr0z3n gave you some awesome advice. Focus on yourself first. Do what you want for yourself only. Not for her. Love yourself and accept who you are. Embrace that and continue to improve yourself in all areas. Don't let her control any aspect of your life. Don't be needy..don't always give her attention.


But understand that doing all of that may not get her back. You could have the best "get your ex back" manual in the world and it still may not do a thing. None of us can make anyone feel anything or want something or think what we want them to think.

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Plenty of people when they break up say things like 'maybe someday down the road we'll get back together' to ease the blow of the breakup, when they know full well they have no intention of ever doing it.


Look at it logically... people break up because they don't want to be with you and have decided the relationship isn't giving them what they want, NOT because they want you sometime in the future. They've made a decision, and may or may not change their minds, but whenever you hear the 'maybe sometime in the future' at the time of breakup, it is almost always insincere and meant to ease you out the door becaue they feel guilty or are afraid you'll make too big a scene if they tell you they're done and never coming back.


So you need to do whatever is right for YOU with no expectations that she will come back. Sure you can check on her in 6 months and see if she's changed her mind, but you have to go with the reality of the situation, that she says she's not interested and she's shown that she is intersted in another guy instead of you.


Otherwise you'll be hanging by a thread of hope while your life passes you by. Life your life, and *maybe* in future she'll change her mind, but meanwhile, focus on you, and don't contact her very often or you'll just extend your pain and loneliness.

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LOL................ speak the truth man. I never wish any of my exes the best. A good part of healing is speaking whats really on your mind, and saying it, and meaning it. I usually wish the worst on my exes.


Thats the truth... This is the 2nd time she broke up with me... Im not like you, if you cant wish your exes the best, then that doesnt mean that I also cant... Yes, it's the truth and I mean it... after 3 days of analyzing what happened after our breakup, I realized that the relationship is going nowhere, she always plans for herself and often neglects our relationship... Thats why I wish her the best for herself (and deep inside me, it's time to make the best for myself too... alone)...

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tisk tisk! lets think positive people!

nothing in this world is impossible! everything has a solution exept for death and even that is questionable!....

this isn't over because she dumped you, its over until you want it to be over.

you can play games and win her back, or just wait it out and improve and hope she comes back. its all about what YOU want. you have the power and you have the control.

just as "veneratio" said, we could give you the best advice in the world and a step by step manual on how to get your ex back, but you may not get her back! like i said if you try its not impossible but you may only get her back physicaly and not emotionaly, you can make her think again about you but you can't change her feelings.

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Thanks for the great advice guys double thanks to fr0zen and getbii for the constant messages. Thanks for the words of encouragement getbii!


I will reply properly when I get a better read of this (at work at the moment!)


Oh and as a side note she txt me asking if i wanted to have lunch with her. I said I was busy and she sent a message back saying "all good I want to txt her back and say "maybe sometime this week" obviously with intention of not doing it so she doesn't think im trying to ignore her completely (she knows me well she'll probably pick up im trying the no contact).

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nop! don't text back, thats a little extra atention you are giving her. she got the message she knows the answer, if she knows you well then she will know you are at work. getting her back starts now, she wanted you for lunch and she won't have you. she will miss you.

if you reply back saying maybe "sometime this week" you are giving her the power because now she is the one that can say "no"

see what i mean?



keep us posted!

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I feel ya!


I had a great day today, felt really good about stuff, didnt think about her much and when I did it wasn't getting me down. Was great!!


Will let you guys know how my week goes. Ill be prob be seeing her Thursday night when we all go out on the piss

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you're doing good good tangz, keep it up... good thing you didn't reply back, though replying once should be ok, you're not a cruel guy so theres no need to totally ignore her (unless it still hurts you), but always remember what getbii said, do not let her have the power again...


Though thedude27 and I gave you some links to help you, remember, dont hope for a reconcillation, it was meant for yourself so you can feel better...


Tomorrow is the bday of my ex, i'll just txt her a happy bday and thats stop there...


BTW, why will you see her on thurs? is it something important that can't be avoided?...





Upon reading the link that thedude27 gave, it seems that I can relate to that...


1. The day that my ex broke up with me said that maybe we should stop our relationship, I want to focus on my own things first... I asked her if she's sure with her descision, then she said yes and after that I agreed that maybe we should really go on our own now (sorry, I'm a filipino, can't explain in english that much)...


2. The next day she texted me and said hi... I said you broke up with me and now your saying hi? then she kept on talking to me, blah2 until I finally put an end on our conversation (it's just a short conversation)...


3. After 3 days I texted her saying I wish her all the best in a friendly manner... I'm not expecting for a reply but she replied saying that she loved me so much but I didnt replied back...


4. Now I feel good about myself, not thinking about her, instead doing some things for myself, doing old hobbies and catching up with my friends...


Though it's not exactly what in the link have said but the idea there is the most important...


1. Don't be affected by the breakup, just continue your living your life as happy as you can be.

2. Dont let her know (telling her personally) that you cant talk to her... let her wonder why you're not talking to her, let her wonder what you're upto, just focus on yourself...

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>> 'its not over until you want it to be over.'


The stalker's motto! Really, no matter what fantasy you want, it takes two people to make a relationship, and that kind of thinking really is not based on reality.


The point is she may change her mind or not, but you need to not assume it is always possible to get someone back, because it isn't. You need to keep the focus on yourself, what is good for you, and you may be willing to spend some time hoping to get her back, but don't put all your eggs in that basket because it may or may not happen.


You need to be wise and keep ALL your options open, in that you have a path that helps you get over her, and if you want, a path where you try to get her back FOR A WHILE, but don't let your life revolve around that, because it may or may not happen and people do become obsessed which isn't healthy for you or the ex.

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The first thing you have to do is stop giving her credit or justifying the things she does. You need to tell yourself, that she left you for someone else, and she isn't coming back. Pessimistic, but thinking worst case scenario will help you prepare for anything. You are hanging on to hope that she will come back after missing you, but your chances aren't great. You are better off moving on and initiating NC. Cut her out of your life immediately. You set the ultimatum that either you two date, or you disappear from each other's lives. If your friendship is what you believe it is, it will survive this rough time and you two will come out as better individuals who can enjoy each other's friendship. But for right now, you need to work on getting over her.

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Hi guys, again thanks!!!


I will read that link later on.


fr0zen - i will be seeing her on Thursday as our group will all be going out. If our original plan fails (quite likely now) then I will avoid any other plans involving being with her. It's pretty silly of me to not avoid this in the first place but I want to go to this thing and have a good time (is this me thinking about me here??? wouldn't avoiding this be me thinking about 'her' and not what I want??)


Oh and id just like to point out that she hasn't left me for another guy. There is just another guy in the picture that she 'fancy's'. They are not togeather and haven't 'done' anything yet. She just admitted to me that down the line something might happen with him. Effectively this is her 'rebound' but she is not with the guy as per say. I think she does want some 'single/fun' time, she isn't the type to go jumping from relationship to relationship.


I was thinking about it today, her main reason for dumping me was that the "spark" had gone. She is possibly expericing a "spark" with this guy which she didn't/lost with me which would have made her think. Im not sure if this is a good thing as she will actually realise that love is more important and she will start to miss me and what WE had or a bad thing.


It's strange. I wouldn't mind too much if she went out and got with guys, as it doesn't mean anything and ill probably be doing the same (with girls not guys lol!), but when it comes to having feelings with someone its there where it hurts!


fr0zen - yup wish her happy bday but leave it at that mate!

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Oh and shes just emailed me asking if im 'kinda avoiding me now lol?'


I have to tread carefully with my reply as I going cold no contact is not going to work (its inevitable we are going to see each other, even if I try and avoid it its going to happen. Going cold no contact and giving the wrong impression could be bad at this stage) I have to tell her that we shouldn't txt or email anymore but in a nice way - so it hits home but she doesn't think im trying to play a game/being immature.\


edit: emailed her back and said it was best if we didnt txt/email each other all the time. She replied saying "oh if you think thats best ill do whatever you want to do

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sorry for the late reply... I think it's still days before thursday lolz... BTW, it's ok if you're reply will be late (you're in control now), however if you wish to reply (maybe because you need to), just tell her the things that should be said, nothing more, dont let the conversations run deep...


Well I think it's ok that you told her maybe you shouldn't text/email all the time, at least it doesn't give her the impression that you are totallly avoiding her and upon her agreeing to that, you have the control to reply back or continue NC and because of that, she wont feel bad that you are not initiating contact but might be be intrigued why...


On thursday, if it's really unavoidable or you really want to go there specially if you want to be with your friends (you dont need to cut your friends off too just because shes with them), then just go there because of it, if shes there consider her just as a friend for a while but if theres something on the back of your mind that wanted to see her, talk to her, beg, ask for another chance (all just in case), you should avoid going there...


I'll think about it too, I just woke up and can't think that much, ^_^...

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I agree with your second paragraph.


No i definitely am not going because she is going to be there, I actually wish she wasn't so I can keep up the NC. I saw her on Friday night just gone and things were good, she gave me a hug and we talked like friends when we did talk. Saw her Saturday night but didnt give her to much attention. It was quite nice actually on Friday, wasn't awkward and I got the feeling she had missed me a little.


Just to let you know im in New Zealand its Tuesday afternoon at 1:04pm. Thursday is closer than you think haha!


ps haven't read your PM yet.

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I agree with your second paragraph.


No i definitely am not going because she is going to be there, I actually wish she wasn't so I can keep up the NC. I saw her on Friday night just gone and things were good, she gave me a hug and we talked like friends when we did talk. Saw her Saturday night but didnt give her to much attention. It was quite nice actually on Friday, wasn't awkward and I got the feeling she had missed me a little.


Just to let you know im in New Zealand its Tuesday afternoon at 1:04pm. Thursday is closer than you think haha!


ps haven't read your PM yet.


so far so good... just continue doing your best for you, she'll see that you have your confidence back on yourself... So you've seen her twice, it seems that you're comfortable on both of those days w/c are a good things too... I'm not yet in this situation thats why It'll be hard for me to look at things, but it's great that you've been doing good...


be carefull though that you might give her an impression that it's ok for you to be friends or that she has regained controll of you... just act like a normal guy if you "happen" to see her, still maintain NC, (it's bad to jump back to things that fast) and lets see what will happen next...


hehe... it's just around 8 am here in the philippines...

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9.10pm here and im genuinely missing her. This is good as I think she would be feeling the same.


I had a read of the link back one page, Perfect Plan Mark II and I think its fairly good also. I will actually implement some of that into my no contact plan as I think that in my situation where I will see the ex it would be needed.


edit: * * * * , so im on facebook and have my chat set to online (should have turned this off) and bang she comes online and says hi. Just because I said lets not TXT or EMAIL doesn't mean come talk to me on Facebook! Leaving my replies very short and long and am about to log off

edit2: said bye and she instantly writes back 'lol love this gay sh*t ay'. I ?'d back and she said 'lol doesnt mater, talk to you later'. Said nothings gay and logged off.


Great stuff grrrr

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hey sorry, seems like we are on opposites sides of the world, haven't been able to keep up with your story, im kinda down myself too, ex sent me a text yesterday saying i love you bamm ten minutes later sent me another saying damm it! what do i have to do to forget you? =S wooow she wants to forget me when two weeks ago we were working on getting back together! crazy stuff... lol i took it like a man and just replied to the second one "who knows" lol.


i made the mistake of going out when ever my ex wanted too, its good but at the same time it can be risky stuff because your emotions will swing around. the best thing is to befriend her, and don't do the special things you did when you were together, like the name calling, etc. act like a total new person you just met, she will miss those special things and will notice the diference between having you as a friend and a boyffirend,

i found a link that seems very helpful, at least not for me because im a little over due, its been almost 3 months since my break up.


link removed


however i don't think its a fast method.

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