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He didn't acknowledge our tentative plans...

babymichiru

By babymichiru
in Dating Advice

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babymichiru Apprentice

babymichiru

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I saw the guy I'm dating for a little over a month last night. He just got back from Mexico on a business trip for 4 days. We went to dinner, watch basketball, made out (no sex) and just basically hanged out til I went home at 2am. He said he was going shopping today so I said I can go with him and be his fashion adviser. We also talked about going jogging at 9am (he wanted to). I asked him at 12:30noon time today.. "what happened to our jogging?" He said he went. He also said hes going shopping now and asked me what I'm doing. There was a gap of more than an hour between this texts messages. Hmmm... I guess I'm not invited???

 

I feel kinda hurt. I thought we were going together. I don't want to invite myself since I said I could go with him last night but he made no mentioned of me going with him today. I just replied that I might go visit my parents with my sister after she is done with her hospital rounds.

 

WTH? I posted this on my other forum and they asked if he was drinking and nope, we dont really drink when we hang out and we didnt drink at all last night. And its not like I dont give him space.. I give him plenty of space and this is the first time I invited myself along to his plans. In fact, he always wants to see me.

 

What's going on here?

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savignon Collaborator

savignon

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I'm not seeing any red flags. It's too bad he didn't take you up on your offer and at the same time if you just saw him last night for several hours, he's obviously interested. He might have a bunch to do having just come back from his trip or he might just like/need some time to himself.

How are things going otherwise??

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babymichiru Apprentice

babymichiru

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I'm not seeing any red flags. It's too bad he didn't take you up on your offer and at the same time if you just saw him last night for several hours, he's obviously interested. He might have a bunch to do having just come back from his trip or he might just like/need some time to himself.

How are things going otherwise??

 

Things are going pretty good. Though he only contacted me once during his trip and it was to asked if I missed him. I said "maybe with a smiley face." LOL. He said ouch. I went to pick him up on our way to dinner last night (his place was on my way to the restaurant) and he grabbed me on his lap and said "you didnt miss me at all, you meanie."

 

We have been making out since last week but I told him I'm not ready to have sex yet and he's totally cool with that. He said to let him know because I'm the boss. And overall he's just so affectionate and all over me.

 

However, I also thought the last guy I dated was into me so I guess I'm kinda insecure about this this time around. =/

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babymichiru Apprentice

babymichiru

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Maybe he was a little put off by you saying you would be his fashion adviser? He could have seen that as being a little intrusive or a comment on his choices in clothes.

 

LOL. Not at all. I was kidding and he knows. You don't know this guy. He dresses really nice (and expensive). Always in expensive suits for work and even when we are hanging out casually.. like a walk to Central Park here in NYC, he is still dressed to the nines. I have told him before I love the way he dresses.

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babymichiru Apprentice

babymichiru

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On his own terms?

 

Are you definitely dating, or is it more casual than that?

 

We are casually dating, I guess. Like I said we just started dating, so it hasn't been define yet.

 

He has thrown the words "dating" and "relationship" around. Like one time, I made a comment about something (can't remember) and he was like, in a joking way.. "in this relationship...." (meaning between our relationship)...

 

And he has asked what I tell my friends about the guy I'm dating.

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Ammy Collaborator

Ammy

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My guess is that maybe he wanted some alone time the next day. You guys had a great night together and he probably just needed some down time, esp after he just returned from a work trip. I wouldn't take it as disinterest, but rather as him asserting his need for some independent time. As much as you want to see him and be with him (I totally understand this), you might need to hold back a bit at this point - you need to give him some space or you may scare him away. Some people have a real need for "alone" time and esp in the early stages of dating, don't want it to consume their life.

 

Ammy

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G-Snap Newbie

G-Snap

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He obviously wanted to spend the day alone and doing his own thing. He just got back from a trip, he probably needed to get things done. Come on, give the poor guy a break. After being gone for a few days and then hanging out with you when he got back, he needed some time to unwind and get things done.

 

I hope you don't bring this up to him, it will make you look really clingy.

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DN Grand Master

DN

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I just can't see it being said in anything but a joking tone, as the OP confirmed.
Oh, there are plenty of people who think that they know better about how their partner should dress and what style they should adopt.

 

And many things said in jest have not been taken that way.

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Clarity Enthusiast

Clarity

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Oh, there are plenty of people who think that they know better about how their partner should dress and what style they should adopt.

 

And many things said in jest have not been taken that way.

 

Fair enough, and yes, if a woman stated early on, in a serious tone, that she was going to make any choices for me (clothing or otherwise), I'd be running for the hills.

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G-Snap Newbie

G-Snap

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I have a feeling it wasn't so much the lighthearted comment about her being his fashion designer as it was he needed some time alone to get his self together after having seen her the night before, and having just gotten home from a trip, but either way it was clear he wanted to be alone today. And that isn't a biggie, I hope she doesn't stress over something so insignificant.

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annie24 Grand Master

annie24

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i'm wondering if he needed to go to the store and buy some unsexy things - like anti foot fungus spray, bengay, hemmaroid cream or something. i can definitely relate to wanting a day to yourself, especially after a busy vacation and spending a day with someone.

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babymichiru Apprentice

babymichiru

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I have a feeling it wasn't so much the lighthearted comment about her being his fashion designer as it was he needed some time alone to get his self together after having seen her the night before, and having just gotten home from a trip, but either way it was clear he wanted to be alone today. And that isn't a biggie, I hope she doesn't stress over something so insignificant.

 

Yeah. The comment was definitely a comedy relief and there was no doubt that he knew that. I am okay that he wants time by himself. I guess this was a misunderstanding of some sorts. Maybe he thought I was kidding when I told him I will go with him.

 

I agree w/Ammy and G-snap that he just needed some alone time that day. I don't think he is losing interest.

 

I hope so. Like I said, I can respect that. He always wants to hang out with me and I'm usually the one that's always been busy (my friends are with me or I am working, etc) so I was surprised that he didn't take my offer today. Last week, he told me "boo to you" after I told him I couldn't spend time with him before he went to Mexico.

 

i'm wondering if he needed to go to the store and buy some unsexy things - like anti foot fungus spray, bengay, hemmaroid cream or something. i can definitely relate to wanting a day to yourself, especially after a busy vacation and spending a day with someone.

 

Ha! We live in Manhattan though. He can buy those unsexy things around the corner anytime. He told me he was going to Bloomingdales to get a trench coat and a few shirts.

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annie24 Grand Master

annie24

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Ha! We live in Manhattan though. He can buy those unsexy things around the corner anytime. He told me he was going to Bloomingdales to get a trench coat and a few shirt

 

maybe he told you that because it sounds a lot nicer than anti-fungus spray and Tucks?

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lavenderdove Enthusiast

lavenderdove

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OK, you spent Friday night until 2 a.m. with him, then you want to jog with him at 9 a.m., then go shopping in the afternoon. So you are basically locking up his whole weekend/day as if you were a long time girlfriend who spent weekends together.

 

I think the problem is if you've only dated a month and aren't having sex yet, you are casual dating, but expecting to hang out with him any time (and all the time) on the weekend, when you just aren't to that point yet because you don't know each other well enough.

 

Personally, i wouldn't have that expectation to lock up his weekend like that with ad hoc plans if i'd only dated him a month and wasn't intimate with him. Unless you've had the exclusivity talk and he's told you he wants you to be his girlfriend rather than just someone he dates, you can't expect to just show up or make ad hoc plans to drop in and out of his life all day on weekends.

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G-Snap Newbie

G-Snap

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He asked you to go jogging the last few WEEKS. Not the next morning at 9am when he had just gotten home from a four day trip and had hung out with you til 2am.

 

You were being a needy female, just chalk it up to that and try to realize you two have not been seeing each other that long, you can't take up all of his free time like that.

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agent1607307371 Experienced

agent1607307371

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I would agree with you except that it was him who brought up jogging the next day. He's actually been asking me to go jogging for the last few weeks. We live 20 blocks apart and he had talked about meeting somewhere in the middle.

 

I would be irritated by that too.

 

I guess he probably just woke up in the morning and couldn't be bothered waiting around.

 

How have you responded when he's been asking you to go jogging? Because if you've declined he might have thought you would do so again.

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