Just need someone to listen and help me feel better about the situation

[KittyBoo]

I am in need of encouragement today. Though people are telling me that I seem to be doing much better, I still feel like I am struggling on the inside trying to let go of the past. I could go on and on with thinking about what I could have or should have done differently but I know that they were his issues to deal with, not mine.

 

My mind keeps reliving the happy memories of the relationship with my ex bf - the vacations, hanging out together or with friends, the tender moments, etc. I cling to these memories because I am terribly lonely and feel that if I let go of them that I would have absolutely nothing. How pathetic does that make me? I am supposed to be this intelligent, attractive, independent woman and everything about life on my own scares the hell out of me. I have even wanted to email my ex husband just to have someone familiar to talk to

 

The part that makes me lose respect for myself is that he cheated on me, came back after I wanted to work it out thinking that he regretted what he had done, listened and believed his words about wanting to build a life with me and loving me so much and then being told at the end that he was never really that into me. So what's wrong with me that all I want is to talk to him again?

 

We were definitely better friends than lovers and it is not so much the intimacy that I miss as much as losing someone who was really fun to hang around with. And why does it hurt so much thinking that he probably doesn't miss me nearly as much as I miss him?

 

Just have the blues today and needed some sympathetic ears to listen. My mother said to me "what good will poor babying you do if it doesn't change anything?" but every now and then you just need that to help you get over the rough spots.

[PKNY]

I know exactly what it's like to seem like your doing great to everyone around you, but still having all that terrible insecurity within yourself you don't even want to talk about. You should never loose respect for yourself, there is nothing wrong with feeling the need to talk to him again. In a way it's like an addiction you need to kick when it's only hurting you. Once you do that, maybe you'll be able to have him in your life as a friend, which seems like something you might be interested in eventually.

[jenmar]

Have you tried therapy? I have been going for 5 weeks since the break up, I too keep thinking of the happy times, the what if's, and why's... but really what is that going to do, other than make you miserable.

You kind of have to take as this= it is what it is.

This person was not meant to be, that is hard to swallow I know as i really thought that my ex was "the one"

Take one day at a time, when you start to think of him, do something else, take a walk, call a friend and talk about something different. Try to limit the amount of time you talk about him and think about him a day- I am limiting myself to 10 min a day- if I have to. Once I start think i say ok.. this is it, on with my day, on with thinking about the future.

 

Don't let this person that broke your heart ruin your days as well. Pick up the peices one at a time, you are better than this and you will get through it.

You are amazing and deserve to be treated as such, and one day you will find that person that will share experiences with you and want to continue to make more memories and experiences.

 

I was thinking to myself.. but I wont be able to love someone like I did my ex.

Bull crap- the next guy that comes along will be great, great for you, great for me.. because we went through this hard time, and became stronger people because of it.

 

It all sounds cliche' but its true.

 

Smile, its going to be okay-

[KittyBoo]

I started seeing a therapist once a week since two weeks after the break-up which was 4.5 months ago. I'm just going through the emotions that I am sure a lot of people here understand - when you think that no one else knows how you feel and that they don't understand why you simply cannot just forget about the person and move on. There are lessons to be learned from this experience I am going through and I know that all of this is happening for a reason. I know that it is pointless to hope and wish for something that is never going to be but my heart is struggling a lot even though the head knows it.

[jenmar]

That is great you are going to therapy! it really helps regardless if you are going through a breakup, relationship- just life in general.

 

I am finding myself thinking of the good times with my ex less and less.... I know its hard, but think of it this way- now that he is not in your life, there will be someone new that you can make new happy memories with.. and possibly ones that last forever...

 

I hate breakups- its always rough, especially when you put your whole heart into it. Time does heal and you will get through this and become stronger and better for the next relationship!!

thats what I tell myself anyway