Is Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 Is been scary the past few weeks. Thoughts of pain from others. The voices in my head are back to talk. Loosing grip on reality. Is been 6 months since I lost my best friend and I thought I could control my own emotions and body, but now I hit a new low. The voices in my head coming back to haunt me in round 2. They tell me lies about me being fine and I will get though life like any others. I AM NOT FINE HEARING VOICES ARE NOT NORMAL. My mind is started Retrograding back to my dark past. I started to think about blood and murdering others. I smile from seeing pain from others. The thoughts of seeing blood coming from an enemy is making me smile. I started become truly cynical and purely black. I started to feel and taste a bit of bloodlust. I would hurt others emotionally and physically to get a deep "High" from it. I am scared. Truly, I am scared. The voices says I am normal, What kind of normal is a sick who likes watching people hurt. It gets worse every week. Loosing control on reality and life. Sooner or later if I don't improve I will end up probably taking lives of others. BY GOD I WILL KILL MYSELF BEFORE I LET MYSELF SINK THAT LOW. Help.... Update: 4/05/2010 Is been a scary wild ride for 2 weeks. After talking to many people and traveling off to different locations. My problem has started to fade away slowly. The pain has started to subside. My thoughts about murder and blood is dissipating slowly. I believe my life can finally renew. The real reason was that after 6 months I have not let anything go. I let my past keep me from walking further down the road. As those dark events from months past bottled up, the pain started to grow exponentially. I let those few events of loosing a best friend get the best of me. Holding on to the revenge and pain of loosing my friend was pulling towards death itself. As I read the comments from fellow members and started talking to friends about my problem. I realized that the real reason for my pain is that I did not accept the events in the past. One night, I thought about acceptance. I finally accept that she is not my best friend anymore. I finally accept she is gone. I finally accept the past has happened. I finally accept that it was our fault and not hers. I finally accept that time waits for no one. I finally accept there were happy and sad times in our lives. I finally accept I have the strength to move on. I FINALLY BELIEVE I CAN MOVE ON! I FINALLY BELIEVE I CAN BE HAPPY AGAIN! Those voices in my head, they have left, but I know they were just trying to save me. I can smile happily now, I can finally be happy for tomorrow and beyond. Thanks members of EnotAlone, It been a pleasure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeen Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 According to a recent study, hearing voices in one's head is extremely common, which makes it normal. Scientists at the Manchester University who conducted the study said that 1 in 25 individuals is prone to hearing voices, therefore it is a rather common symptom among people. Researchers also added that a person who hears voices is not a crazy person, despite the common misconception. link removed Sooner or later if I don't improve I will end up probably taking lives of others. But this last part of your post is not good you need to find help, before someone do get hurt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CallingAllAngels Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 I suggest you get professional help IMMEDIATELY. Your post, NO DISRESPECT, is disturbing, but I give you a lot of credit for having the courage to post about it. You DON'T want to hurt others OR yourself. Please, again...contact someone who can help you. Look in your phone book under "mental help" and find a hotline to someone you can talk to for free who can help put you in the right direction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Firecracker Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 Hello I''s. You don't wish to hurt anyone, and you don't have to. Help is out there if you will reach for it. You have committed no crime, and doctors will understand the feelings you are having and help you work through them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Is Posted March 28, 2010 Author Share Posted March 28, 2010 Those doctors will just give me drugs. I don't want drugs, they don't solve anything. They just supress every emotion I have. I just want to feel normal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Firecracker Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 Those doctors will just give me drugs. I don't want drugs, they don't solve anything. They just supress every emotion I have. I just want to feel normal. Drugs will not suppress every emotion. It will make your emotions more bearable. And talk therapy is helpful. My son went to therapy for about 3 years and decided he was talked out. Now he only goes to his psychiatrist for refills on his medications. You may not have something that requires pills for life, but he does. He is extremely bipolar and also has OCD, so that is a tough one. You deserve a chance, although you may not believe that now. I take one drug for depression, and I still feel emotion. I promise you that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CallingAllAngels Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 Drugs will not suppress every emotion. It will make your emotions more bearable. And talk therapy is helpful. My son went to therapy for about 3 years and decided he was talked out. Now he only goes to his psychiatrist for refills on his medications. You may not have something that requires pills for life, but he does. He is extremely bipolar and also has OCD, so that is a tough one. You deserve a chance, although you may not believe that now. I take one drug for depression, and I still feel emotion. I promise you that. GREAT post. Taking medication does NOT mean you are weak. If you had diabeties, you would take insulin, wouldn't you? Other wise, you could get sick and die. Mental illness is the same way. These drugs can save your life and CHANGE it SO much for the better. The real TRADGEDY is the stigma that our society still places on Mental Illness. It is SHAMEFUL and wrong. Please get the help you need and take the medications that can help you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
No One Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 Dude - don't ignore your OWN cry for help! If you don't want to hurt people (& yourself), and, don't like the idea of a noisy crowd behind your eyes, then, your only real choice to get professional help, ASAP. You may not like it, but, focus on the end goal (like walking into the dentist's with 12 cavities and a root canal - its only all good after its all over, but, then, it will be all good). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightLily Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 Do you have medical insurance? You might seriously consider going to an ER if your urges to kill or harm yourself or others is strong. It is an actual option, and can actually help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CallingAllAngels Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 Do you have medical insurance? You might seriously consider going to an ER if your urges to kill or harm yourself or others is strong. It is an actual option, and can actually help. definitely agree. Even if you DON'T have medical insurance, if you go to the ER, they HAVE to treat you....they CANNOT refuse you because you don't have medical insurance. GET THE HELP YOU NEED! Don't worry about "the bill"...you can always negotiate a payment plan. My BF did when he had to go to the ER over the summer. They let him pay so much per month, with NO interest. AND, based on his income, they REDUCED the amount he owed. But that is neither here nor there. As someone else wrote "Do not ignore your own cry for help". The fact that you had the courage to post it here IS a cry for help. Please keep us posted on how your are doing...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
No One Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Why would getting urgent medical care be a bad thing??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeen Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Losing a person you loved must have been a very distressing experience. Understandably, 6 months on, you are still feeling the emotional impact of the situation. Please be reassured, you do not have to go through this alone and there are people you can talk to. Medication today is a small part of therapy most doctors today would not prescribe medication without therapy. It might be worth considering the option of counseling as a way of exploring your feelings surrounding your bereavement and reasons for your behavior and feelings. You have to take the first step, to find the answers to heal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Is Posted April 3, 2010 Author Share Posted April 3, 2010 I loved you because you were the angel that saved me, but now my angel is gone now. All I love is the past now. My final retributive thoughts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeen Posted April 3, 2010 Share Posted April 3, 2010 My final retributive thoughts. They will never be in the past as long as we remember them they will always be with us, where ever we go in this world, they are a part of us that keeps living through us. We will never have all the answers why things happen the way they do, we all will one day leave this earth it is part of our journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CallingAllAngels Posted April 3, 2010 Share Posted April 3, 2010 I loved you because you were the angel that saved me, but now my angel is gone now. All I love is the past now. My final retributive thoughts. Our past helps to shape who we are today. While she may be in your past, there is someone else out there just WAITING for you to find them. Please take good care... ~Allie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
No One Posted April 4, 2010 Share Posted April 4, 2010 You can't regret all of the good that happened with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Is Posted April 5, 2010 Author Share Posted April 5, 2010 Is been a scary wild ride for 2 weeks. After talking to many people and traveling off to different locations. My problem has started to fade away slowly. The pain has started to subside. My thoughts about murder and blood is dissipating slowly. I believe my life can finally renew. The real reason was that after 6 months I have not let anything go. I let my past keep me from walking further down the road. As those dark events from months past bottled up, the pain started to grow exponentially. I let those few events of loosing a best friend get the best of me. Holding on to the revenge and pain of loosing my friend was pulling towards death itself. As I read the comments from fellow members and started talking to friends about my problem. I realized that the real reason for my pain is that I did not accept the events in the past. One night, I thought about acceptance. I finally accept that she is not my best friend anymore. I finally accept she is gone. I finally accept the past has happened. I finally accept that it was our fault and not hers. I finally accept that time waits for no one. I finally accept there were happy and sad times in our lives. I finally accept I have the strength to move on. I FINALLY BELIEVE I CAN MOVE ON! I FINALLY BELIEVE I CAN BE HAPPY AGAIN! Those voices in my head, they have left, but I know they were just trying to save me. I can smile happily now, I can finally be happy for tomorrow and beyond. Thanks members of EnotAlone, It been a pleasure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CallingAllAngels Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 SO HAPPY FOR YOU! That's what we are all here for...to help each other. I wish you the best on your road to recovery and happiness! ~Allie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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