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Girfriend wants me to tell everyone i know to <> off or she goes!


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My GF of 5 years has given me an ultimatum of:


tell everyone in harsh ways to off or i take our child and leave me.

the thing is the place she would leave to is miles away and she wouldn't stay in touch at all. ignore calls and texts everything!


I just think it is unfair she is threatening me like this, all day i have asked her to think about it and not leave tomorrow.

but she insists:

she is going and thats that, and i should go see my friends, so finally i gave in and asked a friend if they were free.


so as soon as i do: she blows up




and you either tell them all to off or i go.

i tried explaining that it was her who told me to see my mates

but she said im deffinatley going now you have spoken to them.


this isn't fair! what should i do. i know even if i do as she say she will most likely go anyway and then i have no friends and no girlfriend or daughter around!


i do everything i can for her!


new clothes - i pay

shopping - i pay

bills ( hers ) - i pay

phoning companies because she dosent like it - i do it!


now i know this may seem trivial to most but i really do try to do as much as i can because otherwise it wouldnt get done


she dosent wash dishes,clothes,budget properly... even personal hygeine is shakey!


but of course in her mind i do NOTHING!


just feel so little and im scared to show her my true feelings anymore because she uses them as ammo to hurt me!



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as the father, you have a legal right to see your child and she can't prevent you from that. i would consult a lawyer and have a legal custody agreement drawn up.


what do you mean she wants everyone to F off? it sounds like she is not mature enough to handle a relationship and motherhood.


i would definitely consult a laywer.

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already have! this happened a few months back and i did go to a lawyer.. but


as soon as she found this out she came back and has been here since!!


i keep asking:


" are you sure you want to just go? "


her response:


" ill leave it up to you "


what the hell?!


im just confused now..

she seems so jelous but i know she will just control me and once shes got what she wants, leave still!


its just not fair!


shes told my lawyer, social services EVERYONE she wanted to be here no matter what as she gets better help and support here compared to anyone else!


now she says im controling and wants to go

i feel a fool

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the hard thing is:


we moved far away from all my old family and friends.. i lost contact with everyone!

so when she goes this house becomes a prison. i dont know a face for 30+ miles


she knows this and so when she goes she knows im in, stuck, alone and not with anyone else!


i have just spent well we worked the bill out at just under 3000 pounds doing my house up to better suit the family.. new everything!


to have her turn around and say i dont do anything and dont love or care!


its breaking me to keep being told i have wasted my time money and effort


my solicitor has suggested that because of her ways. taking the baby from pillar to post, her blatent laziness to her own hygene and her self isolation and her mental state make it very plausable that she is actually not the best parent to have custody of my daughter!


just never ends!

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The outcome to this relationship not only comes from her but also from you. Your caregiving nature, subconsciously perhaps, draws you to people in a relationship that have deep emotional issues and/or other dependencies. However in this case, it's more so of an emotional issue with your girlfriend which compels you to do everything for her, which you've very clearly outlined. Filling the 'love' -- as you see it -- of this relationship with your constant care taking.


Don't get me wrong, I am not on her side, I am here giving you perspective into your subconscious programming. It may not be what you want to hear, but you have got to protect yourself from future relationships and address this factor of your life as well as doing what's best for your child.


She's a classic case in showcasing the traits of an abusive partner, isolating their partner from all of their loved ones and then diminishing their sense of worth further by mitigating everything that's been done for them. This is how she stays in control, by being manipulative and controlling. Chaos is their only order, without chaos they fall apart.


I truly hope that the law is on your side and that you get custody of your child, for your child's sake.

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Protect your daughter.


Put this woman in her place (and not in the sexist way, mind you). Use legal enforcement if necessary. She can leave if she really believes you do nothing for her ("Look around! Everything I do for you is right in front of your face!"), but she isn't taking your daughter anywhere.

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