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The phone calls....


son1

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On to the next problem,

 

Just recently, my MIL's side of the family sent out a mass email stating that this upcoming summer their whole side of the family (12 hours away) is having a family reunion and basically told us what was going on and some of the basics so far on what was planned. "Hope to see everyone there".

 

I guess I wasn't surprised that my wife and I started getting the phone calls. I told her no politely and gave her a reasonable explination on why. The reason being that last summer we went with her family on vacation, this winter she and our two girls went to Disney with her family, and now the same thing is happening with going to this family reunion that's 12 hours away for her mother's side of the family which yes, would be a vacation for us. I told her that I just got one week of vacation and that I would like to spend my vacation with her and my two girls and to take them somewhere nice. I think that would do us some good as a family.

 

Lets just say, it's not going over too well right now.

 

Any suggestions?

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Who is not happy about you not wanting to go? The family (MIL) or your wife?

 

If its the family I would say "we already had our summer vacation planned/payed for this year" I dont think its unreasonable wanting to have your own family vacation considering you had 2 in the past year with your wifes family.

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Is it possible to go on a week's vacation with your family somewhere nice, and then she go with your children to the family reunion by themselves?

 

As I said before in another thread, if her family's going somewhere- we ALL must be there.

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Who is not happy about you not wanting to go? The family (MIL) or your wife?

 

If its the family I would say "we already had our summer vacation planned/payed for this year" I dont think its unreasonable wanting to have your own family vacation considering you had 2 in the past year with your wifes family.

 

 

Now that's an interesting perspective on who's upset.... my wife will be totally fine with our plans but then she'll have these "chats" with her side of the family (while I'm not there) and all of a sudden things are in the crapper when I come home....

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A family reunion is a big deal. Did you guys just go on a family vacation with your wife's parents last year? A family reunion will feature a lot of other relatives that your wife may not see very often. I'd think before denying her this opportunity.

 

If you do deny it, you'd better make darn sure to take your family someplace decent and not just spend your week off sitting around the house.

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A family reunion is a big deal. Did you guys just go on a family vacation with your wife's parents last year? A family reunion will feature a lot of other relatives that your wife may not see very often. I'd think before denying her this opportunity.

 

If you do deny it, you'd better make darn sure to take your family someplace decent and not just spend your week off sitting around the house.

 

Yep, we all (her siblings and parents) went to a cabin (slept 19 of us) last summer for my in laws anniversary and they all went down to Disney this past February.

 

Decent enough?

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Now that's an interesting perspective on who's upset.... my wife will be totally fine with our plans but then she'll have these "chats" with her side of the family (while I'm not there) and all of a sudden things are in the crapper when I come home....

 

Then if your wife is OK with not going, you should have a talk before hand & make sure you two are on the same page so she doesn't "give in". It might upset a few people, but they will eventually move on from it. But I agree with one of the other posters, if you dont go to the reunion make sure you have a decent vacation planned.

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Yeah, stop "telling" your wife, and start deciding with your wife.

 

"Honey, I get that it's a family reunion, but since this is the only vacation I get this year, and you already went to Disney with your family in February, and we spent last year's holiday with your parents-don't you think it's time that we- You, me & the kids, enjoyed a family vacation for ourselves?"

 

Keep the conversation focused on your family. Not what YOU want, not what you perceive her parents as 'trying' to do or control, not which 'battles' she's already won..Just stay on point about your family and what a vacation for yourselves would mean.

 

Tell her you'd like to spend some quality time with her, and you can't do that when she's busy catching up with all these relatives...

 

Could you possibly plan a road trip where you stop by the reunion for a day and carry on. There's a lot of interesting places to visit in Canada- wherever the reunion is could be on the way to somewhere else....

 

Stop looking at this in a "my way-your way" or win/lose. Start working together to find a solution that everyone can get excited about.

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Then if your wife is OK with not going, you should have a talk before hand & make sure you two are on the same page so she doesn't "give in". It might upset a few people, but they will eventually move on from it. But I agree with one of the other posters, if you dont go to the reunion make sure you have a decent vacation planned.

 

The same page..... that's the problem- just when you think you're on the same page and you ACTUALLY are as a married couple, someone else DEMANDS to turn it or get her to land on a different one.

 

The whole family reunion came up in February when they were down at Disney. We already had agreed to go elsewhere with just the 4 of us. We never knew anything about a family reunion up until then. Obviously, there's a problem here because my wife DOES tell them what we have in store but in the end... they make her feel guilty of agreeing to other things but their own by saying.... oh well, "OUR family is going here or there and would like to see you us there".

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Farthest-

I told my MIL no on the phone....that's what I meant, sorry. Phone call, after phone call and I decided to answer the phone this time. I told her no with the explination behind it. We DID decide together last year that this summer was going to be a vacation with just the 4 of us.

 

Something went wrong.

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Farthest-

I told my MIL no on the phone....that's what I meant, sorry. Phone call, after phone call and I decided to answer the phone this time. I told her no with the explination behind it. We DID decide together last year that this summer was going to be a vacation with just the 4 of us.

 

Something went wrong.

 

Well if you guys already made this decision I dont know why its so hard to stick to your guns?? Just be firm & go with your set plans. You guys do have your own family that needs quality vacation time together as well.

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It's time to sit your WIFE down, and explain to her that what she is doing - caving to her family - is detrimental to YOUR (you and her) family. Tell her that you understand the fear of getting disappointment from your FOO, but that she is now an adult with her own children, and God (add that if you're religious) expects you to strike out on your own and start your OWN traditions.

 

Tell her that some families have a hard time letting go, but that it is essential for YOUR family to grow and thrive. Tell her that you will help her stand up to her family if she wants, but that, if you have agreed on your own vacation, that is what needs to happen, no matter how much pressure her FOO puts on her. Offer to be the only one to take their phone calls and be seen as the 'bad guy' this time around, if you have to.

 

Once she sees that she CAN say no to them and not burn in Hell, it will be easier the next time.

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