Talking to Ex in an Attempt to Learn About Yourself?

[EQIQ]

Have you guys done this?

 

For example, you have no intention of getting back together, but there is also no hurt feelings, and things are just like "normal". Dunno what else to say.. you know when you could care less if you talk or not or w/e.

 

Have you talked to an ex just to try and figure stuff out about yourself?

Like mentioning things that you think you learned about yourself, but you ain't sure so you want to get their point of view of the story?

 

For example asking things like.. "I was pretty controlling wasn't I?" or... things along those lines..

 

I dunno I think it would be great to get my ex's point of view on some things, but at the same time I am pretty sure it is a horrible idea, like biting into a rotten apple. Like opening Pandora's Box. All sorts of crap could blow up everywhere, because I know I am cool with making contact, and I am at peace. But I have NO idea how she would handle it lol. If she would be willing at all to maintain contact in a friendly manner.

[Just Me85]

I suggest you watch the movie High Fidelity It's a brilliant portrayal of a man doing exactly this, going through each of his breakups, picking himself to pieces to work out what went wrong and how he can change.

 

x

[iBroken]

I wouldnt give an ex the power of thinking that I planned on changing because of them. In essence, that is what you are doing. They are not this powerful force you think they are. Only you can change you based on things you know are wrong.

 

I have done things in my relationship and when I talk about them I say I know, Im wrong, I shouldnt have done that, or said that.

 

Think back and make notes of these on your own....I wouldnt involve your ex.

 

Take her off that pedestal.

[EQIQ]

I wouldnt give an ex the power of thinking that I planned on changing because of them. In essence, that is what you are doing. They are not this powerful force you think they are. Only you can change you based on things you know are wrong.

 

I have done things in my relationship and when I talk about them I say I know, Im wrong, I shouldnt have done that, or said that.

 

Think back and make notes of these on your own....I wouldnt involve your ex.

 

Take her off that pedestal.

 

No its not about her lol... Not changing for her at all.

It's just I think I can look back and see similar patterns in my behavior and am interested on how it looks from someone's point of view that it directly affected.

 

Either way I don't plan on carrying through with this, it truly seems like a bad bad idea lol. In the end you might just expose yourself to even more criticism that the person might be giving you not in a helpful way to help you see things in your own behavior, but just to validate their own choice of breaking up. Might also give the impression that you want to know what they think you need to change in order to have a second chance with them.. etc... like I said... it all has the potential of turning rather bad lol. So I am gonna leave it alone..

 

It was really a thought that crossed my mind, but I guess it is not something that can be done with anything that is even mildly recent. Would have to be done with an ex that you already have a friendship established and have had years apart from the relationship etc... otherwise things might just get too confusing.

[jengh]

Yeah, I've done this with 2 of my major long term relationships and I think it helped tremendously. In turn, they asked what they did wrong that could be improved upon. I'd just be really cautious though, might run into a catty ex looking to hurt you.

[EQIQ]

Yeah, I've done this with 2 of my major long term relationships and I think it helped tremendously. In turn, they asked what they did wrong that could be improved upon. I'd just be really cautious though, might run into a catty ex looking to hurt you.

 

Well how long after the relationships did you do it, and how did you approach it?

[jengh]

Well how long after the relationships did you do it' date=' and how did you approach it?[/quote']

 

A couple of months after maybe. I just came right out with it and asked, "what could I have done differently? what were my biggest faults?"

 

I've ended most of my relationships on really good terms. I've always started out as friends and ended as friends.

[EQIQ]

Hmm... couple months is rather early lol.

 

I don't know... like... I don't feel 100% comfortable doing this yet, because I ain't too sure how she will react. Last time we had contact I ended up going on an ego / pride rampage, and said that she would regret her decision... etc lol. That was about a month ago, she got pretty pissed off lol.

 

In the end I did apologize etc. And tried to go on some friendly talking, but guess not lol. Like, we ain't on bad terms at all, I don't sense any anger in her when I see her (two times a week, religious meetings), just apathy. But I don't think I should start pushing buttons just yet lol. But w/e, I don't really regret it.. like I do,,, but at the same time don't because it was the last thing I needed to move on. Got everything out of my system.

 

So yeah.. I will think about it again in a few months or something.