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Facebook Relationship Status...should I be hurt?


CanadianGirl

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Well long story short:

 

I have been engaged for 2 years, lived with my finacee for 3 years. We have 3 kids - 1 each from previous relationships and an 18 month old baby together.

 

Anyways - my S.O is currently working 6 hours away so he is gone for weeks at a time. We keep in touch as much as possible through Facebook and telephone. Recently he's recieved a couple random friend requests from women neither he or I know. At first, I just brushed it off as the woman was friend requesting NOTHING BUT MEN (as seen on her page, it was all just friend requests).

 

Anyways - when he is gone I sometimes log onto his profile and surf around. He does the same to me and there's never really been a problem with it. Yesterday I noticed that his RELATIONSHIP STATUS was hidden. Mine says ENGAGED TO ....HIS NAME... -- I figured that the reason these women are sending him friend requests was because he appears to be single because his status is hidden from the public.

 

I got jealous and denied the girls frend request and sent her a nasty message telling her to back off an that he's engaged with kids.

 

Then I called him - and told him what i did and he said it was ok cause he doesn't know the person anyways. When I told him that I figured out that his relationship status was hidden - and that I think that's why he gets random friend requests from women and that I CHANGED HIS STATUS TO VISIBLE .. he kinda got irritated and said that he hid it cause he was telling ppl that he is married....so I said that I would change it to married, and he said ok.

 

Here's the problem. I then changed it and sent him a relationship request to confirm me as his wife and he didn't do it even though I saw he logged on a few times and commented on someone elses status'. So I just logged on and did it for him.

 

SHOULD I THINK HE IS ASHAMED OF me because he wants to hide it? I also saw a message between him and an old friend. the friend asked him if he had a wive/kids .. and he mentioned ALL THE KIDS AND NOTHING ABOUT ME.

 

I feel so bad. I feel like he is hiding me, and maybe is ashamed of me.

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Honestly, would be upset as well.

 

However, maybe he doesn't want to let everyone know about his business, therefore he chose to leave it blank.

 

I can also see how he would be irritated that you had to change it yourself, this seems a bit controlling on your part.

 

In either cases, why not have a talk with him and let him know how you feel?

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well. the thing is: for the past 2 year his relationship status WASN'T HIDDEN. we used to be proud of our engagement .. both of us! so now all of a sudden it's hidden ..

 

as for controlling: he would do the same thing. he made me take all the guys and some girls off of my friend list last year I went from 250 to 35 in one sitting! so, it's not just me being controlling . he does it too .. every new friend I get, he wants to know why I accepted/sent the friend request.

 

I want to talk to him about it but he's out of town and at work right now and I just feel bad about it and wonder if I should even bring it up again

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well. the thing is: for the past 2 year his relationship status WASN'T HIDDEN. we used to be proud of our engagement .. both of us! so now all of a sudden it's hidden ..

 

as for controlling: he would do the same thing. he made me take all the guys and some girls off of my friend list last year I went from 250 to 35 in one sitting! so, it's not just me being controlling . he does it too .. every new friend I get, he wants to know why I accepted/sent the friend request.

 

I want to talk to him about it but he's out of town and at work right now and I just feel bad about it and wonder if I should even bring it up again

 

 

Do you have other problems in your relationship? Because, honestly, this sounds bigger than just facebook.

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i think he's gonna get a clue that im kinda pissed cause i erased ALL of my comments from his page and deleted ALL of the comments from my page .

 

before i wrote here - i just thought "if you are so ashamed of me, then why should we have any posts from each other on our page" and erased all of it.

 

he will be home at 2:00a.m tonight for only 3 days and i don't want to ruin it. i cant talk about this on the phone .. but i feel so confused

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well - we had some issues last year because i was an addict and he found out only 1 year into the relationship. so that's why he got so controlling....he had no idea what i was doing and when he found out he flipped...but stayed with me and helped me get clean and sober and I've been clean for almost 2 years. so recently we havn't had issues but that is mainly why he started "keeping a close eye" on me

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i think he's gonna get a clue that im kinda pissed cause i erased ALL of my comments from his page and deleted ALL of the comments from my page .

 

before i wrote here - i just thought "if you are so ashamed of me, then why should we have any posts from each other on our page" and erased all of it.

 

he will be home at 2:00a.m tonight for only 3 days and i don't want to ruin it. i cant talk about this on the phone .. but i feel so confused

 

I think you're being passive aggressive and escalating things too far. Have you talked to him face to face at all about this?

 

I just think you're going to create a bigger problem than there already is.

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I don't understand the whole facebook thing altogether and why people add hundreds of people on their friends list when most of the people are barely even acquaintances let alone friends. Both of you seem to have issues with each other on facebook and seem to be invading each other's space due to lack of trust. Is it possible he is cheating on you since he is away so much? Is it possible he thinks you are cheating on him since he is away so much? Clearly there is a lack of trust here on both sides. Why is the engagement 2 years long already? When are you supposed to be getting married?

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I think you're being passive aggressive and escalating things too far. Have you talked to him face to face at all about this?

 

I just think you're going to create a bigger problem than there already is.

 

Thanks. I think i needed to hear that. I actually wish i didn't do it, but it's too late now.

 

And no, we havn't spoken face to face about it because he is 6 hours away and working till 7pm tonight so he won't be here till 2am. (he's been gone 10 days). I havn't bought it up again when we talked on the phone because i didn't want to fight over the phone

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I don't understand the whole facebook thing altogether and why people add hundreds of people on their friends list when most of the people are barely even acquaintances let alone friends. Both of you seem to have issues with each other on facebook and seem to be invading each other's space due to lack of trust. Is it possible he is cheating on you since he is away so much? Is it possible he thinks you are cheating on him since he is away so much? Clearly there is a lack of trust here on both sides. Why is the engagement 2 years long already? When are you supposed to be getting married?

 

As for the friend thing: he agrees with you - he thinks the only people that should be on my 'friend' list are people who i consider good friends or colleagues . to be honest most of my friends now are FAMILY *COUSINS, ETC.

 

I know he isn't cheating on me because he just took this job out of town 10 days ago..but the next run is 18 days straight - and I've been to these WORK CAMPS and it's nothing but men, for real. So, no chance of that. I don't think he would cheat, it's just not like him.

 

As for him thinking Im cheating, he never accuses me of it so i don't think that's on his mind. I just think he's ashamed of me. I have gained lots of weight since our baby and that's why I won't have a WEDDING, I am embarrassed about being 170lbs and 5'2. I need to lose 40 lbs before Im even considering a wedding dress.....I started a diet/exercise plan last month and should be at 130 by October

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That's true. I am overly sensitive about my looks right now - and am working hard to get back to my pre-baby shape.

 

Just a note: he's never said anything bad about me, or to me but I just feel like he's not as proud of me as he used to be.

 

It's so hard not to think he thinks like me and it's almost like im finding reasons to support my suspicions

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I'm sorry, but I think both of you sound phenomenally insecure and are taking this too far. Really? No friends of the opposite sex? Logging into each other's accounts and changing things to suite your tastes? Deleting ALL of your messages and posts because you're mad? It all sounds so off the wall...

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I thnk you BOTH are way wrong. You have no business going into his account sending those women nasty messages either. Or updating his status's. That is something he should do.

 

Sounds like neither of you have a lot of trust or respect for each other. It is very apparent here that respect is lacking out of the both of you for each other.

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Your facebook relationship status should be saved until marriage. Before you get married you should always just have it set to single or hidden (and set it to 'looking for friends'). It's nobody's business if you're in a relationship or not. I keep mine on single, my fiancée does the same. Also have strict privacy settings so we're not found and messaged by random strangers.

 

The fruits of a drama-free existence are many. You should try it out!

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Well thanks everyone for the replys. Well he got home and we talked about him telling ppl we are married.

 

I do believe him. Why? because for one, he calls me regularly and especially before bed while in his WORK CAMP and he doesn't drink/do drugs. These are facts.

 

The reason he is telling the guys he's married? so that he has a good excuse that they won't bug him about when he refuses to go into "town" and buy drugs/hookers with them. Its just easier to say I'm married with kids. Than to explain to these men why he doesn't want to go get messed up and buy hookers. LOL.

 

Things are clear now. BUT, we did both hide our status' and changed them to married to....... so we are at least equal now. If I get random friend requests Im gonna un hide mine and tell him i want him to do the same.

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