yort234 Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 So I have been dating my girlfriend for over 4 years, we've had a wonderful relationship without many fights. We're 23 now and have plans to move in together and start a life, possibly get married once I am done with grad school. For the first 3 years we had a really great sex life, sex at least 3-4 times a week and a very physical relationship, everything was perfect. Since about September 2009 we started having sex less and less, now we haven't for about 3 months even though we basically live together. I have a lot of stress in my life between work and school and its getting to a point where my self esteem is in the gutter and I'm not happy anymore. She says its a personal issue, that she doesn't feel attractive anymore (even though she is perfectly thin, hasn't gained any weight, etc.). I realize that she either just doesn't have any sex drive anymore, or that it has something to do with me. Either way should I break things off so maybe things change? Is there anyway to handle this if we have already discussed the issue? Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted March 25, 2010 Share Posted March 25, 2010 Has she recently started birth control or started new medication? Is she under more stress? Sounds like she's insecure. But, why is she insecure all of the sudden? Link to comment
yort234 Posted March 25, 2010 Author Share Posted March 25, 2010 not sure really, i treat her about as well as i can and at least as good as i have before. she did change birth control a little while ago but it was significantly decreasing for a while before that. I guess we're both under more stress, but we're 23 and no sex for 3 months? I feel awful pushing the issue, because thats not really what i want our relationship to be about, but its getting a little ridiculous. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted March 25, 2010 Share Posted March 25, 2010 Did something happen? Did her mom die or did someone important to her make a comment about her weight? You say she didn't change, so, why all of a sudden is she being self conscious? Link to comment
yort234 Posted March 25, 2010 Author Share Posted March 25, 2010 No, we moved from where we first met which seemed to hasten the decline but our life is really good, we are financially independent and very secure with two good salaries, especially at our age. I doubt anyone makes comments about her weight, if someone did she would have told me. I really don't know why the change in self confidence, the only thing I can think of it has to do with me and shes not telling me the truth, but shes never been dishonest about anything before this. Link to comment
amipushy Posted March 25, 2010 Share Posted March 25, 2010 Have you told her that your self-esteem is in the gutter and are unhappy because of lack of sex? because if she knows how you feel and still makes no effort to try to resolve her issues then you could try one more talk to her making it clear that you cannot live without sex in your life and you are considering ending the relationship. Link to comment
yort234 Posted March 25, 2010 Author Share Posted March 25, 2010 I wouldn't want to put an ultimatum on someone i love, that seems unfair. I've talked to her once or twice pretty seriously, is there another angle I can take? Link to comment
Seabreeze Posted March 25, 2010 Share Posted March 25, 2010 How does she react when you try to initiate sex? Link to comment
yort234 Posted March 25, 2010 Author Share Posted March 25, 2010 unresponsive or acts silly or mentions something else to do (go out for a drink, take a walk, watch tv, etc.) Link to comment
amipushy Posted March 25, 2010 Share Posted March 25, 2010 I never met it to be an ultimatum, just make it clear that she needs to DO SOMETHING to change this. It sounds to me that she doesn't realise what it is doing to you so she really does need to know. Link to comment
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