Sorta came out to a friend & all she could say was ewww? Really?

[JoeCool]

Lately I've came out to 2 friends and the first two I came out to were very accepting and I felt like a big weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I'm trying to be more open with my sexuality. I've always been very secretive as to who I really am. So I told another girl who I've know for about 10 years that I'm gay and her response was "ewww are you serious?". So I just let it sink in with her and all she can say was that's nasty. So after that response I just told her I was playing and then she was like, omg don't scare me like that.

 

With that response, I feel like just dropping her out of my life. It kind of hurted to know that how she really feels about me. I'm sure there will be more responses like that but to be honest, I'm really just tired of living my life as a lie and I want to be more open. It's scary to do this, not knowing how people really feel about me or what their responses will be. I don't know if I can go on telling other people. The truth of how other people may react to the real me can hurt...

[jengh]

Wow, I don't blame you one bit for wanting her out of your life. I guess everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but come on... I would never associate with someone who has that little respect. What a horrible response. You shouldn't be afraid to be yourself around the people you care about and are close to. I'm sorry she reacted like that. That's really crappy. I think her reaction says a lot about her character. There are other ways of saying you don't agree with a certain lifestyle than "eew", although, to be honest, your sexuality is none of her business.

[hexaemeron]

One lady curbstomp, coming up! Really, that's horrible. Yes, she needs to go. And you'll feel better afterwards. There's always one.

[MakestheBest]

You're friend is a close-minded slew footed jack ass with a sloped forehead. And i'm sorry you had to hit that brick wall before you first gained your confidence.

[Kaytie]

At least you know who your real friends are. She is not one of them.

[MakestheBest]

It's likes she's never seen a gay person before. Doesn't she have cable?? Idiot!

[xactly as i am]

You're testing the waters, I understand that. I did the same thing. I can understand why you retracted your truth too. Honestly though, gay or straight, would you really want to remain friends with someone that could think of, let alone treat another person like that? You can distance yourself from her. Not just because you know how she feels about your sexuality but because she's a donkey. There's no rule saying because you've been friends for a long time you have to remain friends. People grow and some grow in different directions. Cut her loose for your personal growth. You don't need negative people like that around you. It's not a gay thing, it's a HUMAN thing. She's a hot mess.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

See this as an exercise in determining who your true friends are. You were taken by surprise this time and if it happens like that with someone else don't be afraid to stick with your declaration rather than covering it up...because when you drop them as friends they will figure it out anyway. If these people are unenlightened and are going to feel uncomfortable with it then you don't need them in your life.

[JoeCool]

The thing is I've tried to be nice with her for so long and I feel like we're not compatible anyway. She can be a little overbearing and clingy at times & I've been thinking about letting her go for the longest but why do I feel guilty every time I think about it? In some ways I feel sorry for her, she had a rough childhood and she really doesn't have any friends except me. She can be nice and she's really done a lot for me, so I thought she would be a little understanding when I came out to her. I was just shocked at her overall response. My stomach literally dropped when I heard her reaction!

 

It really angered me as well, because I've done so much for this girl as well and for me to mention being gay,All she could say was ewww and was I serious? I just really think that was the final nail in the coffin for me for our friendship..

 

At least I know that there's two other people that are still there for me! Even if I have just those two friends, at least they know the real me now and it makes me smile.

 

It just bothers me that in this day and age, some people are still ignorant to homosexuality. She really made me feel horrible, as if I wasn't human, as if I was some freak...

[Kaytie]

Of course it upset and angered you. I've had the same experience with a life-long friend that I came out to in high school. She couldn't get it out of her head that I may hit on her (umm....no....not even close to my type).

 

I realized that she was toxic to me and cut her off. I concentrated on the ones that were cool with it and focused on quality rather than quantity of friends.

 

 

[FathomFear]

Hey Joe,

 

I've read several of your posts over the last six months. I am so glad to hear that you're making positive steps and coming out to people close to you! It's wonderful to hear.

 

As far as how this particular person reacted, I would either cut her out of your life or at least try to give her another chance. It's possible that she's had zero exposure to homosexuals and has many uninformed views of them. Next time the topic comes up try to refrain from taking back what you said. If she's really your friend it won't matter to her in the long run, and maybe you could help break down the negative views she has. Of course, it's also possible that she's just not worth this kind of effort too. Only you know the answer to that.

 

Keep posting updates as you progress. I'm very excited for you.

[ceez]

good to here you're making your way out, I have the same feelings as you just tired of lying and hiding in the closet. sorry to here your friend reacted the way she did and I already know a couple people who will react the same way when I come out but I could really care less if they didn't want to be friends anymore.

[veneratio]

At least I know that there's two other people that are still there for me! Even if I have just those two friends, at least they know the real me now and it makes me smile.

 

That's what matters the most. Good to hear. It sucks that she responded like that, that was horrible, but some people are still stuck in that mindset. It's hard to break out of for whatever reason. I really don't understand..how someone else lives their life doesn't affect you in anyway whatsoever..but anyway..sorry that had to happen. You're definitely not a freak.

[sweet_revenge]

It just bothers me that in this day and age, some people are still ignorant to homosexuality. She really made me feel horrible, as if I wasn't human, as if I was some freak...

 

yeah, it's hard enough just getting up the courage to accept yourself, and then when someone reacts like that, it just makes you feel terrible.

 

oh, well, you don't need her.

 

i'm just glad that you're brave enough to come out, even if only to a few people, but just know it gets easier each time.

[greywolf]

ech, she sounds like one of those prudish girls that no one likes.

[AlphaFemme]

How old is your friend? I know it's popular to bash on those who don't give an acceptable response, but people react different ways to stress. Some people say really stupid crap that they regret after they think about it.

 

Since you retracted your revelation, you kind of reinforced the idea that homosexuality is wrong. So... dude, you're reinforcing her negative response. What if she had said, "Awesome! Let's check out guys together," and then you bashed her for that. People in the closet, out, straight, and questioning all play these games.

 

I lost a very good friend when I came out. As a conservative Catholic, he went mental on me. Some of the stuff he said hurt me so badly that I couldn't even tell me other friends what went on. I stopped talking to him; he stopped talking to me. After two years apart, he showed up at my door with two cups of coffee, and we spent hours on my porch discussing our relationship, what had happened, and where we would go from there.

 

If you really aren't compatible, let it go. You may just feel weird at the overt homophobia. If you really do want to be friends beyond this, then I would come out (for real) and let it marinate. Sometimes our dogma is ground in so deep that we spew it before we think about who we're hurting.

[MakestheBest]

I just dont think its fair to say that one human being is supposed to suffer in the off chance that another human being will get their dumb ass together. The only thing the OP retracting his statement does is reinforce the idea that he doesnt want to feel like crap. I don't think he should bear the weight of the entire gay community on his back at the same time he's coming out of the closet. Life is hard enough as it is.