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Why wouldn't the father go in the delivery room?


newwave

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I am not pregnant or anywhere near that situation. I know that if I was having a baby I'd be upset if my husband wasn't near my side while giving birth. I've read studies that say 90% of dads go in the delivery room, and I know even in cases of ceseareans men often attend the birth. I've heard many guys really didn't want to be there with the gross factor, but I am squeamish myself about blood and guts and I wouldn't even look at it happening. He doesn't need to look at the birth, just help his wife. I'd be fine with the guy not looking at the birth itself (which is gross) or even cutting the cord, but not in the room would upset me.

 

Just something I was thinking about today and no idea why since the earliest I'd likely have kids is 2 years from now (if then). I know that if I get to the point where I was talking about having a baby I'd ask the guy his view on this. Most of the guys I knew who insisted they wouldn't go in the delivery room ended up doing it anyway to please his wife.

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Almost all of the time, it's because the husband is somewhat squeamish, or really anxious about seeing his wife in pain. I know a lot of nurses and docs, and it's really common for men to faint when they see their wife get an epidural, or otherwise freak out, either because of the medical procedure or because they are worried because she seems to be in a lot of pain.

 

Of course, if you go back 50 years, the standard procedure was for the father to wait outside and come in once the baby was all clean and blanketed up ... presumably because it was considered inappropriate for a man to see his wife in such a state.

 

Personally, I agree with you, no way my husband is not going to be there with me!

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I get the squeamish part, I am very squeamish myself. I can't handle blood or any body fluids. In fact everytime I visit relatives in the hospital I hate looking at blood bags. They don't have to look at the blood, since I wouldn't either. I get that many guys hate seeing their partner in pain, but don't they realize at that point many of the women need them? I know I would. I would want him to comfort me. After all, it's his responsibility too. I'm glad though that we've come this far. I can't imagine not having the father in there.

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I couldn't live with myself if I wasn't in the delivery room for my kids' birth. I am not a squeamish person so that definitely wouldn't be a problem, but for those who are, the anxiety they feel in these situations can be extemely debilitating. I think that might be the only valid reason...a serious and legitimate concern for their fear of these situations.

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Well, if the father is in there freaking out and needing to suck on ice chips because he's about to pass out, then he's hardly helping his wife. If the couple both agree on the husband not being there, then that's their business and more power to them. To each their own. I know I feel completely baffled by those women who choose to have their mothers or sisters with them in the delivery room - no way no how would mine be there, although I dearly love her - but it seems to work for them.

 

There was a funny story in the NYTimes a while back from a man whose wife went into labor very suddenly, and gave birth in their bathroom, and how he totally froze and was not able to help her at all, and barely able to call 911. You hope you marry someone good in emergencies, but sometimes you just can't tell!

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Some men are actually more of a nuisance and in the way and needing care them self when in the room. 90% is actually an excellent number compared to generations of men that were made to wait in the waiting room. My husband was told by his father " You are not going to be gross and go in there are you?" (because he does not believe that men should do that) My husband said he was, and I said " you are damned right he is if he wants to live past that day"I am actually surprised THAT many men do go into the delivery room.

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I know I feel completely baffled by those women who choose to have their mothers or sisters with them in the delivery room - no way no how would mine be there, although I dearly love her - but it seems to work for them.

 

I love my mother, but can't imagine having her there. I can see if it my husband is there too, but not anyone else if he's not there.

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She has to push an entire body out of her vagina and he's worried about getting squeamish? Oh please.

 

That is only slightly better than what my husband said.....gee honey I hope i get to go home soon i am tired. He thought HE was tired eh??? Whatever

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DH was there for both of mine. I neither wanted nor needed anyone else. But that's me. You have whoever you think is going to be able to support you the best...

 

Asfor why some guys can't/won't do it- I think Robin Williams described it the best...

 

He said attending the birth was "Like seeing your favourite bar with the lights on"

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I get the squeamish part, I am very squeamish myself. I can't handle blood or any body fluids. In fact everytime I visit relatives in the hospital I hate looking at blood bags. They don't have to look at the blood, since I wouldn't either. I get that many guys hate seeing their partner in pain, but don't they realize at that point many of the women need them? I know I would. I would want him to comfort me. After all, it's his responsibility too. I'm glad though that we've come this far. I can't imagine not having the father in there.

 

 

Uh yeah, good luck with that...Unless he's wearing a blindfold, he's seeing blood and a lot of 'stuff', whether he wants to or not.

 

It also depends on who is attending. My second birth the doctor was quite keen to explain every detail of what was happening to DH. "Come over here, see this? We just need to turn the head like this...."

 

You also have to understand that in an emergency, if the husband is going to faint/throw up etc, he's only going to get in the way and be a distraction to the doctors and nurses who may be trying to save his wife or baby's life.. So for some, it may actually be wiser to wait outside....

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DH was there for both of mine. I neither wanted nor needed anyone else. But that's me. You have whoever you think is going to be able to support you the best...

 

Asfor why some guys can't/won't do it- I think Robin Williams described it the best...

 

He said attending the birth was "Like seeing your favourite bar with the lights on"

 

My husband was freaked out for months after. He said he could not even think of going near me because he might hurt me and he hated seeing me in such pain and the goriness of it all.

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Uh yeah, good luck with that...Unless he's wearing a blindfold, he's seeing blood and a lot of 'stuff', whether he wants to or not.

 

It also depends on who is attending. My second birth the doctor was quite keen to explain every detail of what was happening to DH. "Come over here, see this? We just need to turn the head like this...."

 

You also have to understand that in an emergency, if the husband is going to faint/throw up etc, he's only going to get in the way and be a distraction to the doctors and nurses who may be trying to save his wife or baby's life.. So for some, it may actually be wiser to wait outside....

 

 

Oh yeah he saw all the blood and gore.....the only one who did not was ME, and that is only cause my head was on the wrong end to see I got the play by play though.......Oh yeah honey did you see those sissors

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Hmm... I don't get the squeamish thing... I know since I'm a woman I probably don't have much say... And yes, I do have two children (both by c-section) so I probably have a bias opinion... but what's the big deal, really? Sheesh. My dad has this issue... he doesn't like hospitals and he can't stand the sight of blood or someone in pain. He wouldn't go in the room either time when I was in the hospital... before, during or after birth... He waited til I got home to see both my kids... I dunno, guess it's just me lol. I've watched several of my friends give birth too... no biggie.

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Uh yeah, good luck with that...Unless he's wearing a blindfold, he's seeing blood and a lot of 'stuff', whether he wants to or not.

 

It also depends on who is attending. My second birth the doctor was quite keen to explain every detail of what was happening to DH. "Come over here, see this? We just need to turn the head like this...."

 

You also have to understand that in an emergency, if the husband is going to faint/throw up etc, he's only going to get in the way and be a distraction to the doctors and nurses who may be trying to save his wife or baby's life.. So for some, it may actually be wiser to wait outside....

 

But couldn't he just turn his head? I've never attended a birth, but seems like he could just concentrate on comforting his wife instead of watching. Couldn't he just explain to the doctor he's squeamish?

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But couldn't he just turn his head? I've never attended a birth, but seems like he could just concentrate on comforting his wife instead of watching. Couldn't he just explain to the doctor he's squeamish?

 

You'd still hear the horrible sounds...and the smell.

 

Plus, I doubt anyone could be there and not take a glance.

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hmmm... I dunno... I don't think I'd want to watch anyone giving birth. *shudder*

 

As much as I love being there for my friends and experiencing the birth of my friends' children... there's something I can live without. And that's still seeing the vision of their ahem... ya know... etched in my mind every time I look at them. And their kids are almost teenagers... lol.

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If he is anywhere near the wife's body he is going to see unless he is facing the wall towards her head. If the man is going to be squeamish and going ewwwwwww and ohhhhhh and whatever I would be telling him to hit the road I have enough to deal with. Labour is a very long, EXTREMELY intense and painful and exhausting process and I do not think the woman needs to be worried about holding up Mr Squeamish. He can wait outside.

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If the man is going to be squeamish and going ewwwwwww and ohhhhhh and whatever I would be telling him to hit the road

 

And I'd be reminding him of this moment the next time he tries to get some... "Honey... didn't you say eeew last time you look at it?"

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