I believe my sister is a psychopath

[Night Pumpkin]

I know this sounds harsh, and I know some people will be offended, but I believe it is really true. For the last 20 years, my sister has lived an extremely narcissistic life in which she attacks other people (verbally every day) and will do anything to promote herself and to demote other people.

 

She seems completely incapable of realizing her own faults. In other words, she doesn't seem to have a conscience. In her eyes, everything is always someone else's fault; she never takes responsibility for anything.

 

She is a verbal bully who continues to bully me, our parents, and even her husband, as well as anyone else who gets in her way.

 

Many people have a hard time believing it when I tell them, but unless you have lived with her you don't know what she is really like.

[I_Speak_Jive]

I know this sounds harsh, and I know some people will be offended, but I believe it is really true. For the last 20 years, my sister has lived an extremely narcissistic life in which she attacks other people (verbally every day) and will do anything to promote herself and to demote other people.

 

She seems completely incapable of realizing her own faults. In other words, she doesn't seem to have a conscience. In her eyes, everything is always someone else's fault; she never takes responsibility for anything.

 

She is a verbal bully who continues to bully me, our parents, and even her husband, as well as anyone else who gets in her way.

 

Many people have a hard time believing it when I tell them, but unless you have lived with her you don't know what she is really like.

 

Gosh you must be my step-uncle!

 

 

 

We had one of "those" in our household when I was growing up --my father's wife is an out of control BPD. Now it wasn't easy at all dealing with her on a daily basis, especially not as a kid. But eventually, after trying everything under the sun (reasoning, confronting, withdrawing, pleading, silent suffering, complaining, you name it) I realised that:

 

1) Nothing you ever say will ever make the slightest difference.

2) They can only hurt you as deeply as the depth you allow them in.

 

So I walked away, never looked back, and have never been happier. I see her a couple of times a year, I speak with her on the phone for birthdays, Xmas and such, I roll my eyes when she starts acting out, and then I give thanks to God or Whoever for the wonderful miracles that are made by a hung phone or a closed door.

 

You. Can't. Win.

 

But you don't have to play the game.

[Seymore]

Psychopath, doubtful. Sociopath, probably. I've dealt with multiple people like this. I'm not sure what you're asking, or if you're simply declaring this?

[Seraphim]

True sociopaths are hard to find. They comprise a VERY small part of the population. Most people are people with treatable and fixable issues they just have to want to. You also have a choice. My father is bi polar most of the time untreated at his choice, while I love him I refuse to play his game. Like someone said, stop playing the game. Trying to "win" against mental illness when the person does not want to be any different is the biggest game of bashing your head into a wall known to man. YOU CAN NOT WIN. I tried that, for 30 years with my father. It is NOT winable. If they want to get help fine and dandy I would be happy to participate, you don't that is also fine, I still love you but you are not dragging me down into your hole of hell. At some point you HAVE to save your own sanity.

[Belgian girl]

Interesting thread. Why not try to ocasionally act the same.

[eggplant47]

Um, is her name Amy? I ask because I have a close friend who goes through exactly the same with her sister.

 

Ultimately, the solution is to thank god for caller ID & stop taking calls from your abusive sibling. You cannot have a rational conversation with an irrational person.

[teabee]

I need to learn from this. This is an awesome post.

 

Also, I thought psyco/sociopaths are often charming? I should know more since I literally JUST sat through a 3 hour lecture on sociopaths last night. Actually maybe that makes sense--look up Conduct Disorder and see if that matches what she was like when she was younger. It could be another personality disorder too? I would maybe suggest Narcissistic because of what you said about needing to promote herself/demote others, but I know someone who is Narcissistic Personality and she's not mean or a bully.

[Night Pumpkin]

My sister is definitely a narcissistic psychopath.

 

She has been bullying me, my girlfriend, and my parents.

[3boys]

I need to learn from this. This is an awesome post.

 

Also, I thought psyco/sociopaths are often charming? I should know more since I literally JUST sat through a 3 hour lecture on sociopaths last night. Actually maybe that makes sense--look up Conduct Disorder and see if that matches what she was like when she was younger. It could be another personality disorder too? I would maybe suggest Narcissistic because of what you said about needing to promote herself/demote others, but I know someone who is Narcissistic Personality and she's not mean or a bully.

 

You can be narcissistic without being a bully, but you can't be psychopathic without being narcissistic. Narcissism is a characteristic of psychopaths. And, you are right, they can be charming if they are trying to manipulate you to do what they want, but if they don't want something from you, watch out.

 

Basically, the difference between psychopaths and sociopaths is that psychopaths can seem like a "normal" member of society when they want to...sociopaths rarely do, they're the people we see as loners. A pretty good example is Dexter (on Showtime, for those who have cable/satellite/etc). He's a prime example of a typical psychopath. He holds a job, has a "relationship" (albeit pretty fake), and seems like a "normal" person to other "normal" people. Behind closed doors, however, when he has his "criminals," his true colors come out. In real life, the people closest to the psychopath are the ones who see their true colors if they don't venture into criminal acts. If they do, it's the victims that are the recipients.

 

Back to the OP, I'd just try to avoid her as much as possible.

[abused-by-sis]

Actually this is serious. My sister abused me so much as a child, I have blocked my entire childhood out. She stole my childhood, stole my mother and stole one of my sisters. She has dragged me thru probate court and embarrassed my entire extended family. She is truly a sociopath with no emotion and no further family ties. She claims that her family is dead and in the meantime stole all of my mother's money and the court could care less. She allowed my mother and grandmother to die in horrid conditions and the court allowed it because she argued about it and they don't allow anything to happen when arguing occurs. While the arguing was happening, she stole everything from them. That was her plan. They died and she could care less. She is horrid. In the meantime, she has a mentally disabled adult child herself that she is torturing. Why is he mentally disabled? Because he was born with fetal alcohol syndrome and she could care less... she is an alcohol and substance abuser herself. Her second husband verbally abuses this "child" all the time. She leaves him alone with him constantly. As long as she gets her fix... she is happy and now that she's stolen her mother's money, she is getting her fixes all day and night long. And in the meantime, she is dragging me and my other sister thru court for now over 3 years.

 

Walk away from any sociopath in your life and do NOT look back. They are unfixable! They have no emotion and they do not care about life or YOU! There is no counseling for them. They will fake their way through any "fixing" you try to put them thru. Do not be tricked. Walk away fast. Do not look back. There is nothing worth your time or emotion. Trust me!

[crispyO]

there are a lot of psychos, bullies, back stabbers, etc in the world. You should learn to let go because, ; it's life my friend. Oh and don't forget to counter attack her time to time.(only at the right time). the right tactics will make everything better. Seriuosly, with a few good tactics, you can make your life so much better and easier.

[chevy1320]

Psychopath, doubtful. Sociopath, probably. I've dealt with multiple people like this. I'm not sure what you're asking, or if you're simply declaring this?

 

About 1% of the population are physcopaths, why is it doubtful? I've come accross several but quite often it's suttle unless you deal with them closely and you could easily have physcopathic colleagues and not realise.

 

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[kds12]

First of all, I believe you- as my sister is a full blown psychopath. Sorry, folks who do not know the difference between a sociopath and psychopath. According to the DSM IV- a sociopath is a social deviant (sic) that lives on the fringe of social norms and behaviors but with SOME small element of conscience. A psychopath , on the other hand, HAS NO conscience , and is the more violent and evil of the two conditions. So many people have the definitions wrong. It is the psychopath that consists of less than 1-5% of the population. Your sister sounds exactly like mine. She bullies ( verbally and physically) people every day of her life.She is 47 years old. IMHO, Psychopaths are BORN. They are not made. It is genetic. I have done extensive clinical research on them, and they are genetically predisposed to the condition ( look for a family history of psychopathology). The " P" has an exaggerated sense of entitlement. When they are not given exactly what they want ( usually goods, money, drugs, food,etc) they will lash out at anyone who gets in their way. The " P" is ALWAYS capable of crossing the line to murder. Narcissism, on the other hand of Personality Disorders, is a distinct PD that is attributed to intense self aggrandizing ways. It is hard to evaluate your sister without clinical evaluation, but I do believe, due to what you said of her history, that she is exhibiting the "entitlement" part of the "P". You also said she does not seem to have a conscience. that is the HALLMARK of the Psychopath. They do not have a conscience at ALL. The sociopath has a little bit of conscience. All P's have Narcissism, but not all Narcissists are Psychopaths. They are two different personality disorders. Tell me, what other things does she do? Does she :

1. Have trouble keeping and maintaining work and other meaningful relationships?

2. Engage in promiscuous behavior in the past/present?

3. Show a sense of grand entitlement, meaning, does she think that everyone " Owes" her something?

4. Does she bully on a regular basis anyone she is close to? does she seem to pick out the nicest and most sensitive people to bully?

5. Is she cruel to others? Does she relish in someone else's suffering?

There are 17 markers for diagnostic psychopath. If she has any of the above, chances are she IS a psychopath. Due to my research, the psychopath is becoming more prevalent in the current years. I have stories that would curl your hair about my sister's actions. She is 47, refuses to work, has bilked my other sibling out of 80,000.00 in the last 7 seven years, bullied our dying Mother over money ( enough for my Mother - on her DEATHBED) to ask me to hide her checks and credit cards from my psychopath sister. She threw herself a birthday party in the home my Mother was dying in-( In another room)- replete with Booze, drugs and food, and said to all in the room " Gee , is it midnight yet?? I don't want Momma dying on my birthday, HA HAHAHHAHHAHHH " . YES, she said that , and I have 5 witnesses. She has bankrupted my sibling, her two "friends", her 'drug dealers'( every these low-lifes want nothing to do with her) , her employers ( embezzlement) , done time in jail- and keeps up her antics EVERY DAY. She has called me and done a complete character assassination on me, as I am gentle and sensitive, and she hates me because i do not "throw money at her". She lies about everything, and "forgets" any transgressions she perpetuates. How convenient for her. I have agonized over this for years. Doubting myself and her intentions. Remember, what the P does is WANT you to suffer. they take perverse pleasure in the process. I am also in a situation where I do not want to throw the rest of my family out due to my lack of wanting to be around her. It is indeed a sorrowful experience. I wish there was something more I could do to help you. But, I believe, she is what you said. It resonates with me all too well. Bless you and let me know. Would like to talk and help any way I can. - kds12

[psychosurvivor]

I don't think you are being harsh...just telling it like it is. And you have been her victim and need to protect yourself, so speak out! My sister is also a psychopath. I have done a lot of reading, what to do if your boss is a psycho? Or your neighbour?....but what about sharing your whole life with one. I grew up thinking my sister was normal. And i was abnormal. I was too sensitive, too emotional.....always a judgement from her. Eventually i had a breakdown and through a lot of therapy i worked it all out. And then, over the years that our mother was ill and vulnerable, my sister did some terrible things that meant i could never doubt again that she is a psychopath....even attempted murder. It's a heavy burden to be the only one in the family who knows this and is not in a state of chronic denial. But i survived and you will too. You've done the hardest part by facing the truth....not harsh, but brave... and I agree with all the others on this site who advise to leave the relationship. Psychopaths are heartless and you cannot reach them.

[loxy37]

I can totally relate to the dilemma with your sister. I have 2 just like that My story is a bit long and complicated and I promise to write about it soon! Getting back to the issue at hand, it's very difficult to cut off family and leave the relationships you have with them because you may feel a sense of guilt. Guilt because 1) it's family, 2) it's not them it's you, 3) get over it. I haven't spoken to my sisters in about 1 month and I feel great! Though it goes in stages but this time, I am for real. What makes it just a tad bit easier is that my parents are off living in the warm climate while the rest of us are in bitter, Chicago weather. Not having them around has made it easier. But I'm not looking forward to April, when they get back. I can already imagine the "talks" that I'll get about letting go, embracing family, forgive and forget, blah, blah, blah. Do you know how many times I've been told that I'm the problem, no one else? I lost count.