I really need some advice . . .

[ARIANAX]

Dear help,

i am 21 years old. I have a mother who is 43 and disabled . . . Has been since 17. She was shot in the face by her then boyfriend and father of her first child. She is incapable of using her left arm and hand. Obviously there are things she can't do on her own. Well, about 8 months ago she met a guy online and he seemed to be a real prince charming. She went to see him the beginning of this year and it was a strange encounter. The first four days he had no groceries in his apartment and went to work without offering to get her food to eat. He went from kissing her goodbye to not doing it at all. He has a porn addiction. When she returned home he gradually showed a lack of interest in her. She didn't have sex with him during their two weeks together. She already broke ties with him but i am worried about her because i soon i will be leaving for college and i don't think she wants to go where i am going. She can't live on her own and she is very depressed. I know it is not really my business but i am worried. Any advice????

[Jd1983]

I'm so sorry that you're going through this right now.

 

In regards to it not being any of your business? This is your mother, I think you have every right to get involved.

 

Why not try to talk to her and see what she wants? Maybe she would be willing to move out to where you are. Is there anyone that can help her while you're away?

[mgirl]

Wow, your mother has been through a lot and i commend you for caring about her. As JD suggested, maybe talk to her, try to involve her in the process and try to make her understand what your leaving, and her being on her own, actually means. Make her see the consequences of you going. Maybe you could try to talk her into re-locating with you?

 

That guy on the net sounds like a real creep and cold possibly have been taking advantage of your mother due to her disability (or maybe not ?!). Anyhow, i'm sure there are predators out there. Your mum can do better than to hook up with some porn addicted guy she met over the internet.

[d24]

agree with both about the creep guy - but you really need to raise these concerns with your mother about whether she'd be interested in moving, and if not whether she realises what it would mean for her independance. is that something you or she thinks she could handle? more importantly, with all the respect int he world, would you be happy if she did come with you? honestly, that's a very very important question.

[eggplant47]

Is she recieving treatment for her depression? Depression is an energy zapper & if she's in that state, she probably can't even begin to think about a long distance relocation.

 

Once she's in a better state mentally she'll be better set to realistically examine your options as a family.

[ARIANAX]

Thank you everyone for your advice, it has been very helpful!