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Friendship After Dating---please participate


enzarto

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First and foremost thanks eNotAlone for helping me through some rough patches in my life, it's always a pleasure coming on here....

 

my new random drama served in a text duel:

 

My ex-girlfriend told me that she's upset that we aren't friends, I told her I don't see her that way and for both our benefits sake, it would be better if we didn't even try because it would be awkward. I've also had some experience trying to be a friend to a girl I had feelings for, I went totally bezerk (in which the bezerkage level was over 9000) and couldn't handle it.

 

I respect her conscience, love, admire her conscience, and enjoyed the time we had together, but because it was a long distance thing we broke ties (more on my end, I felt it wasn't fair to the both of us, even though she disagreed). So I too believe it sucks that we aren't friends, but the mere thought of it reminds me of me trying to be friends with her, and it is a close second nightmare to alien impregnation, my ultimate nightmare.

 

anyway, I wanted to hear your thoughts, questions, and experiences on this matter, perhaps we can all be enlightened on this forum, please do help

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Since it was long distance, you really have no 'reason' to stay friends. If you worked with eachother, were neighbors, etc, then I would say you would need to remain "friendly" but your lives just don't overlap it seems so there is no requirement. I really think that if you have feelings for her and she doesn't, you are right to not be "friends" with her because it would prevent you from moving forward. It would just be like being together except you wouldn't visit and she could see whoever she wanted because of the LDR thing.

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It would just be like being together except you wouldn't visit and she could see whoever she wanted because of the LDR thing.

 

She argues that if she had known that a breakup would lead to having nothing, she would not have dated me. because we used to be good friends before we dated each other.

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I personally find it impossible to be friends with an ex. I tried to be friends wiht my most recent ex, i mean he was a nice enough guy, but honestly, it didn't work, especially when I got into a new relationship. I don't think your feelings ever really go away until you cut ties.

 

Now that being said, I do have a friend that is friends with his ex who lives very far away, but they dated in high school and keep in touch on facebook every now and then and he'll visit her if hes in the area but there isn't anything else between them at this point in their lives.

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The majority guys I have had a relationship with, I stayed friends with. We're not best friends anymore because our lives have grown apart (different relationships or whatever) but we remain close enough to talk whenever and have a laugh.

 

We make it work as friends because we do not have any romantic feelings for each other any more. I admit, it took a little time before we could be completely friends again because of whatever hurt was being felt, but now that it's over we're fine. We agreed in the beginning that we would like to stay friends.

 

Theres only one who is still having problems with our break up but he insists on remaining friends and I am very glad for this because I don't really want to lose him as one.

 

I value friendship first and foremost and try very hard to remain close with these guys. A lot of people I know sever ties completely with their exes though. To each their own.

 

Edit: Just curious, but why do you feel that it would be awkward to be her friend? I find that the situation is only ever as awkward as you make it yourself.

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Edit: Just curious, but why do you feel that it would be awkward to be her friend? I find that the situation is only ever as awkward as you make it yourself.

 

Awkward because I refuse to be a friend to someone if I see as a partner. I feel as I am compromising my feelings to suit a friendship so it survives, the thought of it drives me bananas (if not, bonkers)

 

Same reason why your now-friend found it hard to be friends...simple, its not the easiest thing in the world to change, for anything, not just this.

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I'm friends with two fine women I was once in relationships with.

It seems natural and effortless to me, but I understand how it can seem impossible after an angry breakup.

 

Just depends on what you want for yourself.

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