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Utterly confused


blueNymph

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I'm posting about an update about my previously posted relationship. More details can be found in a previous post, and if any information is lacking, let me know and I will provide it. A quick summary:

 

A relationship of about two years, guy lied about being in a relationship with someone else, very manipulative and harsh, difficult to walk away from for psychological reasons... I didn't visit him in December and he broke up with me for two days. Things did not get better. I started to distance myself and he got meaner. Because of my refusal to do something trivial one night, he called me and told me he would kill me if I defied him again. He calmed down when I started to cry and explained that he didn't mean it (I didn't really "hear" any of that, I just tried to get him off the phone). I refused calls / texts the next day and stayed at home. I was set on having no contact with him anymore. Eventually, I answered the phone and he was upset, crying, and seemed genuinely hurt.

 

Many people told me that I overreacted. I didn't want to go back to that, but after a few weeks of him being nice, seemingly changed, I agreed, thinking I'd overreacted and that things were probably my fault. He made me write a letter to a friend (a guy friend) because he didn't want us speaking anymore (he said we were too close) and made me de-friend the guy on facebook, etc. This is one of the only people I told what was going on while it was going on, during the hard times.

 

The situation with his other relationship has not changed except that they have not seen each other in a while. (When I tried to break up with him, he got upset, called the other person over, and they pretty much walked out on him, but they are still together.) He says that he "can't" have it be just me. He's acted very nice and caring towards me lately, except for the controlling part about having to not ever talk to my friend again.... This friend had been supportive of me while everything (what I feel was abuse) was going on.

 

His other person has asked him to go away on a trip in May. He's considering it. I haven't said this, but if he goes, I want to be done.

 

Maybe there are people who can do multiple relationships, but for me, it makes me feel as if I am not good enough, not worthy, less of a person, inferior, and well..you get the message.

 

After a month, I determined that it wasn't an act, but I don't know. I feel manipulated and very, very stupid. I also feel like everyone thinks I overreacted and while he is spectacular at getting people on his side...I feel like I have no one to talk to.

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Wow. Get yourself out of there and away from that guy before things get worse. You are being manipulated. And anyone who told you that you overreacted to him threatening to kill you has mental issues that need to be professionally addressed. A mentally healthy person does not just go around threatening to kill someone for defying them. He's bad news. I'd run as fast and as far as I could if I were you.

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How do I get away from him?

 

It's hard when everyone sides with him, that I am the problem...even with him having someone else (no matter what they do, he won't break it off with them). He tells me his friends say that he is crazy for being with me.

 

I wish I could see a councelor, but there are problems with that right now.

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