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Would you be put off...?


UnknownSoldier

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Hey,

 

Erm, I don't know quite how to put this, but I'm going to try my best to explain.

 

I've never had a girlfriend, and although I'm only 17, I feel as though I may not be "date-able". I know this is probably not the case, but there's a few things in life which make me feel this way. I'm going to list some characteristics of mine, both negative and positive, and I'd appreciate if females were to reply giving their HONEST (not brutally honest xD) opinion.

 

From what I've gathered throughout my life, I'm a nice, polite, caring, friendly, helpful, generous person. I have a decent personality, in other words. I'm cute, apparently, so I'm not really that concerned about my appearance having a negative impact. Although I'm shy, I can speak to people; I'm just not much of a conversation starter. I'm dedicated to whatever I want to achieve. I'm reasonably intelligent. I'm between skinny and average in regards to body shape.

 

Now for the negatives. I don't have much of a social life, rarely going out with friends (which I lack). I don't drink, smoke, do drugs etc. I don't have any experience with women. I don't have any skills/talents (play an instrument etc), and I spend a lot of time with computers. I also have low self-esteem. I don't have any hobbies or interests.

 

To be quite honest though, I have had a difficult life, so that may be why I'm like this.

 

With that information, would you be put off from me? I guess it will be difficult to give an opinion without actually knowing me, but I thought it was worth a shot asking. Also, I'm probably young for most people here, so try and imagine me older. I was reading a few other threads here, which is why I decided to post this.

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No, why would I or anyone for the matter be put off with that?

Sounds to me you are judging yourself because you are the way you are.

You shouldn't.

Not partying is fine, i have met guys who just don't do that stuff.

But you need to be a little more social. I like guys that are social. I am not asking you to be so out-going and loud and obnoxious.

But make an effort, make yourself approachable.

Maybe that is why you dont seem to have a social life? I don't know.

It takes two to tango, good luck

 

PM if you want

!

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Mate I'm not a girl, but I can tell you I was exactly like you when I was your age.

 

You're ONLY 17, I didn't even kiss a girl (properly) until I was 19. You have years ahead of you. Find some interests you like doing, you'll meet new people as you go along.

 

Think CONFIDENT all the time and don't let people put you down.

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Play a sport or start going out more? Idk just do the exact opposite of what you're doing right now

 

Like I mentioned, I don't have any interests and I have a lack of friends. I've got nowhere to go. I go out with friends every opportunity I get, it's just there too few and far between.

 

I fail to understand why I should have to change (IE. Doing the opposite). I'm "happy" with who I am, it just seems as though I'm not appealing to the opposite sex.

 

No, why would I or anyone for the matter be put off with that?

 

I have no idea, but no girl (to my knowledge) has ever shown interest in me.

 

You're ONLY 17, I didn't even kiss a girl (properly) until I was 19. You have years ahead of you. Find some interests you like doing, you'll meet new people as you go along.

 

I agree with you, I'm only 17. I'm not in any particular rush to be in a relationship, but when I have so much negativity in my life (parents arguing a lot, lack of friends, bullied constantly as child etc), it's just hard to imagine myself with a girl in the future.

 

Like I said, I don't have any interests. I've tried sports and stuff in the past, but they just never appealed to me.

 

 

Thanks for the replies though, really means a lot.

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soooo.....you dont have any interests or hobbies - do you WANT to have interests or hobbies? because thats the best way to start networking and getting out there with people who have similar interests. just get out there and start trying new things . even if nothing comes out of it - youll gain a little more confidence just because you went out, met strangers, and did something on your own. it makes you more comfortable meeting new people each time and more confidence leads to better self esteem.

 

for me, yes i would be put off. how do you expect women to show interest in you if you have nothing to talk about and youre at your computer instead of somewhere more social? being a really nice guy whos also really boring is not attractive to me. dont wait for someone to ask you to hang out. do the work and take initiative if you want to go out.

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You are young. I hate to say this, but it is true. I dated a shy guy that sounds alot like you my senior year in high school, I still think about him today and wonder what became of him, he was a wonderful person but we were young and went our separate ways. Personally, I always went for the "nerdy" or bookish guys when I was younger... you may not have crossed paths with the right girl yet. Working on your self esteem would probably help in general, not only with girls but with friends also. Seek out people with like interests and see where that goes. I met lots of really cool folks that I had alot in common with by online gaming, going to MtG (Magic the Gathering) tourneys and shops, bringing friends together for DnD games and asked them to bring like-minded friends, setting up LAN parties for Diablo and Starcraft, and the like. I don't think you need to change who you are to find success, you just need to change what you are doing. I get the feeling of, "I've tried nothing and nothing works!" from your post. Try something different, get out and mingle, meet new people, and find that special girl! Good luck and don't give up hope!

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do you WANT to have interests or hobbies?

 

Of course. I just don't know what to do.

 

for me, yes i would be put off. how do you expect women to show interest in you if you have nothing to talk about and youre at your computer instead of somewhere more social? being a really nice guy whos also really boring is not attractive to me. dont wait for someone to ask you to hang out. do the work and take initiative if you want to go out.

 

Trust me, I've asked loads of times if people wanted to go out, but nothing ever happens.

 

The reason why I'm always at my computer is because I literally have nothing else to do. I've tried getting a part-time job but have been unsuccessful, and I have no assignments to do for college, otherwise I'd be doing them.

 

I wouldn't like to think of myself as boring. I have plenty to talk about. I understand where you're coming from though.

 

You are young. I hate to say this, but it is true. I dated a shy guy that sounds alot like you my senior year in high school, I still think about him today and wonder what became of him, he was a wonderful person but we were young and went our separate ways. Personally, I always went for the "nerdy" or bookish guys when I was younger... you may not have crossed paths with the right girl yet. Working on your self esteem would probably help in general, not only with girls but with friends also. Seek out people with like interests and see where that goes. I met lots of really cool folks that I had alot in common with by online gaming, going to MtG (Magic the Gathering) tourneys and shops, bringing friends together for DnD games and asked them to bring like-minded friends, setting up LAN parties for Diablo and Starcraft, and the like. I don't think you need to change who you are to find success, you just need to change what you are doing. I get the feeling of, "I've tried nothing and nothing works!" from your post. Try something different, get out and mingle, meet new people, and find that special girl! Good luck and don't give up hope!

 

I know a lot of people from online gaming, but the problem is, I only know these people on the internet. They're good friends, and I talk to them often, but I'm still sitting at home doing nothing else. When I go to places, I never meet anyone new. I'm always with the same people.

 

 

I don't think I'm good with wording my posts. I've gathered from some of the responses that people think I'm lazy or something, which isn't the case. I've tried hard to improve my life, but nothing good has come out of it.

 

 

 

Thanks for the responses.

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On paper? You sound pretty good to me! If I were single & your age I'd be willing to date ya!

 

However, you will have to put yourself out there! Even if you're a great guy, girls can't meet you if you're sitting at home or hiding in the corner! I agree that you might wanna get into a hobby. Use all that time on the internet to find something your interested in. If you can't? Pick what you find the least boring & make yourself do it as an investment in your future! From what you said, I think something like a kyaking club or nature oriented activity would round you out nicely!

 

It sounds like you just need to build up your confidence a bit. You say that you've asked people out & it goes no where... it could be because your shyness comes through as lack of real interest. Girls will respond to confident, friendly behavior.

 

And rest assured, even if it takes a while- when you get to around 25 yrs. of age the scales will tip! You'll find instead of being one of many young men trying desperately to find a girlfriend, you'll be surrounded by single women in there late 20's crying in their margaritas over why they can't just find a nice guy! All the sudden you'll find you're quit a commodity!

 

Utalize all the free time you have now & absolutely get your GED or some kind of equivalancy training. Not just to get dates but to improve yourself!

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Hey,

 

I don't drink, smoke, do drugs etc.

 

I don't see why you classify this as a negative, Soldier. Well, the drinking I can understand as to why you think it's negative since it's a social thing, but I'm sure there are a lot of girls who prefer their men not to have any vices.

 

And what do you mean you don't what to do with interest and/or hobbies? Do you mean you don't know where to start?

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Thanks for the advice. Made me feel a bit better about myself.

 

 

 

Looking back, I don't really know why I wrote those three. Like you said, it's because they're a social thing for a lot of people.

 

I don't know where to start, and I can't think of anything I'd like to do. =/

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