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very awkward run-in with ex at the gym tonight


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so after last wednesday- when my ex was rude to me when i dropped by to say happy birthday, i have been ignoring him and actually feeling like i am moving forward.

 

tonight i went to the gym, and there he was. I quickly put my head down and pretended to look for a song on my ipod, but we ended up running into eachother and he says THIS:

 

" hey...have you been avoiding me? I just sent u a txt before i got here. you havent called me or anything lately..."

 

i reminded him that he broke up with me, and he hasnt bothered to call me either.

 

so the rest of the time we basically ignored eachother but EVERY time i would turn a corner he was infront of me, to the point where it looked like i was following him! we ran into eachohter in the locker room and just looked at eachother without saying anything.

 

this is what he sent me as a txt

 

"matt can you let me know whats going on. what do you want? are you on to ignoring me now? back to not wanting to be friends?"

 

UMMMM .. we tried to be friends, we ended up cuddling in bed everytime , you push and pull me back and fourth. you were SO mean to me on ur birthday and when we were having a talk about our relationship over msn the other night you just said , " k g2g, nite" in the middle of an important issue.

 

anyways, i guess why I am writing is this; do I just continue ignoring him with NC ... cause I feel like its mean.

 

however I get caught in his web so easily if we even talk AT ALL.

 

what to do??

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Be strong. Ignore. NC.

 

Otherwise youll be like me, break up, get back together, break up, get back together, break up... and you end up torturing yourself and youll never end up healing.

 

All i know is i dont want to be best buddies with my ex, then one day i walk round the corner and shes there with her new love interest and expects me to be happy for her.

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thanks guys. i was thinking this and i just needed some reinforcement. i dont want to be a jerk, i feel like he probably doesnt even know how bad hes hurting me since he seems to have moved on more than me . he seems like hes a bit clueless about why im ignoring him...

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That sounds like my ex. She doesnt understand how I can not contact her after she dumped me. Its not that I dont care its about looking after me for once, and that includes being friends right after which is a selfish and unfair thing to ask I think, because they want to keep you close but not actually want to be with you anymore.

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i know. the part of me who wants to get together thinks that stayin in contact is going to bring us back somehow some day. but the other (my brain...) is telling me to shut up and let it go as slow and painful as it is ... ugh i KNNEW i would run into him , i just had this feeling all day .... so i shouldnt even let him know that since i want to be back together and he just wants to by my friend, it will just hurt us in the end so im not bothering... ? am i just being too nice?

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i know. the part of me who wants to get together thinks that stayin in contact is going to bring us back somehow some day. but the other (my brain...) is telling me to shut up and let it go as slow and painful as it is ... ugh i KNNEW i would run into him , i just had this feeling all day .... so i shouldnt even let him know that since i want to be back together and he just wants to by my friend, it will just hurt us in the end so im not bothering... ? am i just being too nice?

 

Trust me when I say that NC will;

 

A.) Bring YOU back and make you feel better in the long run, and

B.) Make him miss you and come back someday... ON HIS OWN!

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He is just playing games with you. He only wants the benefits of a relationship (the attention, the cuddling on the bed, etc) without the commitment of one.

 

Continue to ignore him. Who cares what he thinks! It's about YOU now!

 

Be strong. Ignore. NC.

 

Otherwise youll be like me, break up, get back together, break up, get back together, break up... and you end up torturing yourself and youll never end up healing.

 

All i know is i dont want to be best buddies with my ex, then one day i walk round the corner and shes there with her new love interest and expects me to be happy for her.

 

No, stop NC and let him continue playing hot/cold push/pull cuddling/ignore humping/ignore with you.

 

Of course not!!!!!

 

NC NC NC

 

Trust me when I say that NC will;

 

A.) Bring YOU back and make you feel better in the long run, and

B.) Make him miss you and come back someday... ON HIS OWN!

 

tthanks. well hopefully by then i will be over him and on to someone better ...

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Boy, Matt I would suggest you change of gym bro it seems like he knows were to find you and all.

 

lol well funny enough i was thinking about that, i went for a free trial at a new gym the other week. my ex might end up moving back home (5 hours away) if he doesnt find a job right after school ( in a few more weeks) so if he ends up moving i will stay at my gym but if he ends up stayin in the city, well i wil be a member of extreme fitness down the street

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Judging by your location and possible residence, the type of relationship it was, I'm guessing it's the YMCA near Yonge.

 

Well, I would say don't change your location because of him. Why go through the hassle? Be strong, and stay where you are.

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You gave him too much with even letting him talk to you face to face at the gym. Even if you come accross as being childish for ignoring him, I think you should continue to do so. You should also do it much stricter than you have been.

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Hey Matt,

 

If you are worried about being mean - (even though you really shouldn't be) - why not write him a letter? Be polite and nice, take the higher ground here, but tell him you are still hurting and need time for yourself to heal. You are not writing off being friends one day, but at the moment you just can't as it hurts you. Tell him in order for you to heal you need to go NC for now.

 

If he has any feelings for you at all he will respect this approach for your sake, and it will give both of you a chance to reflect on the relationship and decide where you want to go with it.

 

Psi.

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