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where to go from here


CuZiNeeDYoU

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I dont know if I'll get any responses to this considering the last thread I posted but what the hell. Our first meeting went really well, she seemed happy to talk to me again. After the coffee shop she asked me to stop by at a club where she was hosting some event. I went there and apparentl when she wasnt around me she was pretty much staring at me while I was doing my thing. So anyway I left to go to another club and she thanked me for coming, later on at about 3 AM I got an unexpected phone call from her... she was telling me that i should have stayed longer because it turned out to be a great night. She then proceded to make small talk for another 20 mins until I told her i needed to go. So that was saturday and she hasnt contacted me since, the thing is I dont really know where to go from here. I know I shouldnt mention the relationship but Im finding it hard to pretend like everything's ok. And i really want her to know I have no intentions of being friends... I already mentiioned that but she still seemed to wanna see me so I dont know if that means anything. Should I ask her out again and just make sure we have a good time? should i tell her what my intentions are? when will the time be right for us to have THAT talk.... Im just kinda confused as to where to go from here

Thank you

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My thought is that you're reading too much into everything and over-analyzing. She was happy to see you, and contacted you later that night. She wanted to talk to you. Those are good things. Focus on the good. If you want a chance at getting back together, be patient, be friendly, and stop wanting everything right now. It's easy to just focus on what you're not getting, and the parts of the situation you don't like. Focus on the positive, and stop looking for instant gratification.

 

Let's be honest...do you really think its likely that she's interested in getting back together and is just not telling you? That's very doubtful. Ya'll used to be close. She still cares about you. If she decides she wants to get back together, that will be up to her to decide. Bringing up the relationship or pressuring her to give you some sort of answer about what is going on is not going to help most likely. She's not thinking about it as what you are or aren't. She's contacting you because she wants to. No more and no less.

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Dude....Let it go....I am in the same boat with you... We started this together lets finish it together...both getting our ex's back.....

 

I went out with my ex 2 weeks ago. Just casual fun stuff like you. When we parted. I could tell she missed me. And she did the same thing called me later. Texted me the next day to thank me. I didn't respond. I refuse to contact her for anything. It all has to come from her.

 

Yesterday I get a random text. "She got a new laptop". Again didn't tell me much so I didn't respond. Today another "Hopes I am doing well with my brackets" again I didn't respond. She is missing me. Thinking about me. That's what I want. That's what you want.

 

Don't push for anything. Don't contact. Let it come from her. 2 weeks passed since we went out before she has started to contact me again. Tough. But do it. They have to come to you at their own pace. Please if you want her back let her be and come to you. I have studied this over and over.

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Just be cool and be friendly. Flirt a little bit, even. Don't go overboard, though.

 

Exactly there's no rush. She obviously had a good enough time with you, during coffee, to invite you to her event, and then to call you afterwards, so just relax. Take things slow, light contact, you guys were friends before you dated, so just be friendly, don't get all dramatic on her you'll just come off as codependant and needy.

 

Also if you do hang out, do NEW things, and not overly romantic just fun stuff. You can't expect to just jump right into things without the period of her redeveloping things, as it is always said on this site, act like the guy she first met and fell in love with. You have to be carefree in these situations or at least act it, confidence is more attractive.

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Don't rush it dude. Patience. I went thru the 5 stages of grief again over the last 2 weeks. That's the only way to do it. You have to pretend you don't want it. Trust me I would not lead you wrong. IT HAS TO COME FROM HER.

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Don't rush it dude. Patience. I went thru the 5 stages of grief again over the last 2 weeks. That's the only way to do it. You have to pretend you don't want it. Trust me I would not lead you wrong. IT HAS TO COME FROM HER.

 

Though i do think your advice is sound and comes from first hand experience, they dont always come back.

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If your there too much. She can't miss you. If she doesn't miss you. She won't want you back

 

Trust me I know that first hand as well, I joined here soon after you guys did, coming of an almost 3 year relationship, and ive done quite well with nc, just around 4 months or so in which ive initiated nothing, and she has made contact on multiple times on multiple occasions. I still love my ex very much, but learned through nc I had to experience some time alone.

 

Do you want your ex back Dumped???

 

Because Cuz sure does.

Sometimes you have to know what to fight for and what not, i think he has to take charge in this one.

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Trust me I know that first hand as well, I joined here soon after you guys did, coming of an almost 3 year relationship, and ive done quite well with nc, just around 4 months or so in which ive initiated nothing, and she has made contact on multiple times on multiple occasions. I still love my ex very much, but learned through nc I had to experience some time alone.

 

Do you want your ex back Dumped???

 

Because Cuz sure does.

Sometimes you have to know what to fight for and what not, i think he has to take charge in this one.

 

I tend to agree with you... I mean the last 5 months have been NC... I think I can find a balance between being over available and total NC... So im thinking of just asking her out for sushi at this place we use to go to all the time... Ill text her tomorrow night, I doubt she'll refuse and if she accepts she probably knows its not just as friends. Who knows I might change my mind again tomorrow, dumped I think youre right in a sense but I waited so damn long for her to make contact only to hear her say that in her mind it was up to me.

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Who knows I might change my mind again tomorrow, dumped I think youre right in a sense but I waited so damn long for her to make contact only to hear her say that in her mind it was up to me.

 

The fact that she thought it was up to you tells me she wants to be friends. I mean if she wanted to get back together she'd contact you or at least drop hints not just decide it's up to you.

 

Not saying it can't or won't happen, but that tells me as of right now she sees it as friends.

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The fact that she thought it was up to you tells me she wants to be friends. I mean if she wanted to get back together she'd contact you or at least drop hints not just decide it's up to you.

 

Not saying it can't or won't happen, but that tells me as of right now she sees it as friends.

 

thats what I figured yet I clearly told her I did not want to be friends before going out for coffee and before she invited me to the event...and i always felt like no matter what she wasnt gonna contact me... shes way too proud

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Do you want your ex back Dumped???

 

Because Cuz sure does.

Sometimes you have to know what to fight for and what not, i think he has to take charge in this one.

 

I don't know. I think so. It's a tough one. I am not sure how to handle the situatution.

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Ok so today i asked her if she wanted to go for sushi with me, she answered that she was really busy this week but that she would like to next week (she does have 3 jobs and goes to school) I dont know what to think, she sorta hot and cold. She seems to want to see me and talk to me yet she hasnt really initiated yet, mind you weve only been back in contact since last thursday but still. I figured she would have found time for me this week but maybe she really is busy.... so for now im not gonna initiate any more contact...but im sorta confused by her behavior.... any thoughts?

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But what if all that meant nothing and I end up waiting for nothing... or what if she doesnt think i would take her back and ends up trying to find someone else? Im thinking about contacting her tomorrow do you really think it would be that bad?

 

And that would be a bad thing? She left you, rebounded with someone else and now that that rebound is over, you are back in the picture. I think this says enough as it is. Do you want to go down that path? Where she reconciles with you and then moves on to someone else shortly after? Do you want to fill her void?

 

Id chill out on the contact game.......let her come to you. If she wants to be with you again, she will make it happen. You contacting her wont change her mind.

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