veneratio Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 Well..I was on the fence about making a thread about this, but I had to admit to myself, "I really need advice on how to deal with and approach this." So, I'm going to visit my ex in a couple of weeks. We've gone through quite a bit...quite a bit. My passive-aggressive behavior, my insecurities and my manipulation. Her cheating and not caring towards the end. The lack of trust on both ends. Just an ugly picture all around. Because of the above and the outcome it had, her mom doesn't really care for me. Which is understandable, I probably wouldn't if I were in her shoes. Yet despite how she feels, she wants to meet me to "put a face to a name". I'm a little nervous about it because I can't understand why she would even want to if that's her opinion of me. My question is, how should I handle the situation? Never had to deal with a parent that didn't like me, or at least I didn't know about it. I guess I'm just wary of her motives is all, and I really don't want to make matters any worse. I'd rather not get shanked by someone's mom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 Ugh, why?? I don't like that at all, it isn't her business. Can I ask why you didn't meet before when you were dating still? Are you considering getting back together? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 Since this girl is an "ex", I can't understand why her mother would want to meet you. What is the point? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veneratio Posted March 22, 2010 Author Share Posted March 22, 2010 Ugh, why?? I don't like that at all, it isn't her business. Can I ask why you didn't meet before when you were dating still? Are you considering getting back together? Yeah...I don't like it either, but I don't want to decline either..think it makes me look bad. My ex and I were friends first and I think we started dating when I was 15..then again when I was 17. So she was 18 then 20. She lives in so cal, 4 hours away..so since she was the older one she always drove up here since I couldn't drive there. The couple times I drove down there her mom was working. So we never got to meet. I don't know what we're doing to be honest, iphi. I'm content with being friends, but I don't know where it's leading to. Since this girl is an "ex", I can't understand why her mother would want to meet you. What is the point? I don't understand either. I said the same to her last night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 That's fair. I think it is good you two can be civil and care for one another, no matter what it leads to. Does she just want you to come to the house and say hi? Also, what does your ex think of her mom wanting to meet you? Sorry for the questions, it just seems like a situation I would run from lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jettison Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 Look her in the eyes. Be polite. Thank her. Bring a house gift. Don't be quiet. Make sure to answer her questions honestly and directly. If she points out a flaw of yours, agree with her and tell her that "honestly, that's something I feel bad about and I'm working hard to address it." If you can do all of that then it means you'll be showing character, and character is attractive to everyone, be it mate, mom, or other. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veneratio Posted March 22, 2010 Author Share Posted March 22, 2010 Don't be sorry for the questions, I wish I could run from the situation lol. You don't know how bad I want to. She made it sound like lunch. Like her mom even made it a point to say that if we were short on time we could stop by her job and have lunch with her. She can't understand why her mom wants to meet me either. She asked her, and all she said was she wants to put a face to my name. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 Don't be sorry for the questions, I wish I could run from the situation lol. You don't know how bad I want to. She made it sound like lunch. Like her mom even made it a point to say that if we were short on time we could stop by her job and have lunch with her. She can't understand why her mom wants to meet me either. She asked her, and all she said was she wants to put a face to my name. I think it could be a good show of maturity for you to meet her, but I wouldn't let her treat you like a bad person or give you any guilt trips. Basically, you don't owe her anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veneratio Posted March 22, 2010 Author Share Posted March 22, 2010 Look her in the eyes. Be polite. Thank her. Bring a house gift. Don't be quiet. Make sure to answer her questions honestly and directly. If she points out a flaw of yours, agree with her and tell her that "honestly, that's something I feel bad about and I'm working hard to address it." If you can do all of that then it means you'll be showing character, and character is attractive to everyone, be it mate, mom, or other. Good luck. Thanks jettison! I'll keep all that in mind. You brought up some good points that I would probably would've skipped over, like looking her in the eye and being quiet. I think those are the two that I'm going to have to be most adamant about. I think it could be a good show of maturity for you to meet her, but I wouldn't let her treat you like a bad person or give you any guilt trips. Basically, you don't owe her anything. I'm afraid of that. She pointed out that her mom can come off as a cold or distant person cause she's shy. So I'm not sure how I'm going to read her actions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fLuiD Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 The only logical reason I can think she would want to meet you is because your ex has talked to her a lot about you, possibly recently. Now what she has told her is a big indicator of her intentions. Ask your ex how much she has told her mom about you and what details she knows about your break up. I hope there is no bad intentions behind all this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JonasWaingaro Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 I don't know what we're doing to be honest, iphi. I'm content with being friends, but I don't know where it's leading to. Her mom certainly wants to give you the once over twice. My first thought was, what is your ex saying about things in private to her mom. As in friends or possibly more. Dunno, a first thought. Perhaps her mom senses something is being reestablished and wants to see who you are and what's up. Either way, if you want to be friends with your ex then go, just be normal. Be yourself. Always the best solution. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veneratio Posted March 22, 2010 Author Share Posted March 22, 2010 The only logical reason I can think she would want to meet you is because your ex has talked to her a lot about you, possibly recently. Now what she has told her is a big indicator of her intentions. Ask your ex how much she has told her mom about you and what details she knows about your break up. I hope there is no bad intentions behind all this! Oh yeah, she's definitely talked about me a lot to her. She knows how often we talk. She's noticed my ex is staying home talking to me more. She knows of all of my past bad behaviors. I'm sure she's had to listen to her cry and complain about me. So her mom knows about it all. Doesn't look pretty. Her mom certainly wants to give you the once over twice. My first thought was, what is your ex saying about things in private to her mom. As in friends or possibly more. Dunno, a first thought. Perhaps her mom senses something is being reestablished and wants to see who you are and what's up. Either way, if you want to be friends with your ex then go, just be normal. Be yourself. Always the best solution. She's told her that we're just friends, but I'm sure her actions lead her mom to believe otherwise, as well as me visiting. I'm hoping that all she wants is to see who I am, it's still rather unnerving either way. But you're right, best bet is to be myself. Thanks guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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