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Met her in the lift today


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I have been on NC for about 1 month and a week. Contacted her twice very briefly throughout this period. We study at the same university but we almost never see each other on campus. Saw her today in the elevator towards the dorms. I said hey and she said it back. That's all we said. I wanted to portray that I didn't need to see her anymore.Shaking off that clingy image. Dunno if it worked cause I didn't say anything. I didn't even say bye. My heart was racing like crazy. Perhaps it was a good thing that I didn't say anything, if not given my state I would have said something wrong.

 

I sent her a variation of the following e-mail yesterday, so as to not seem needy but also open up the channels for contact:

 

Sorry to intrude. Just want to say that I hope you know you can get in touch any time, today or in a year! Hope you are well and happy. Take care.

 

She hasn't replied, nor do I think she shall because the e-mail states that its up to her. I wrote an e-mail as such so as to show her once again that I am no longer suffocating.

 

 

Anyhow, I think that I've healed quite well and at this point am quite reluctant to get back together (not that there's any sign that she wants to get back together) because I think some of the traits that led to the breakup are still here but some I have more control over now that I've become aware of them. Even though I'd like to at some point because that would give me a chance to do better.

 

I just would like ENA's feedback of whether I acted appropriately or not in the elevator and the e-mail and the possible thoughts going through her mind. Personally, I think that she might not really be too into it because she has only contacted me once during the beginning stages of the NC and not after that.

 

 

Thanks a lot!

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She hasn't replied, nor do I think she shall because the e-mail states that its up to her. I wrote an e-mail as such so as to show her once again that I am no longer suffocating.

 

Showing things many times is often suffocating.

 

Let her be. As a reformed-"clingy" dude, I'd say for you to just cut ALL contact with her from now on. If she contacts YOU, great. Talk to her, and even then, understand you're talking to a person you know.

 

Not a girlfriend. Not an ex. Not someone who owes you something.

 

Just a person you know.

 

 

It's helped me - good luck with your process, dude.

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Personally, I think that she might not really be too into it because she has only contacted me once during the beginning stages of the NC and not after that.

 

It's probably best to accept your thoughts on this, no emails, no contact of any sort any more. When you make any sort of contact you'll naturally want a feedback. It's going to interfere if you're trying NC. Stay strong.

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I know where you're at RC...you really want to show her you're together

and don't need her..but I think if you're honest with yourself..you still

do need her right now. If you didn't, you wouldn't give a rat's about

managing your image with her by sending emails. If you run into her..

just do what you've been doing. Just say hey...or talk about light subjects...but no rel/ship stuff. Hang in there. I'm thick

headed..but realize I don't want to get hurt again (she dumped me twice...3 times if you count our 3 day reconciliation)

In my case NC is my best option. I blew it over a month

ago by acting needy when I ran into my ex...now 5 weeks NC..

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I know where you're at RC...you really want to show her you're together and don't need her..

 

Thanks for your replies... We're not dating, there is no us, so I don't quite understand what you mean by "you really want to show her you're together and don't need her" because we're not together so there's no point showing her the exact opposite...Could you please clarify?

 

Dumped 3 times...do you still want to reconcile?

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Showing things many times is often suffocating.

 

Let her be. As a reformed-"clingy" dude, I'd say for you to just cut ALL contact with her from now on. If she contacts YOU, great. Talk to her, and even then, understand you're talking to a person you know.

 

Not a girlfriend. Not an ex. Not someone who owes you something.

 

Just a person you know.

 

 

It's helped me - good luck with your process, dude.

 

I have to agree with this. It's REALLY hard not to see someone as needy without a lot of time apart. One interaction won't make much of a difference. I think you should leave her be and let her contact you.

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I have to agree with this. It's REALLY hard not to see someone as needy without a lot of time apart. One interaction won't make much of a difference. I think you should leave her be and let her contact you.

 

I think you're right and right now I'm considering not contacting her. But hoping that she shall contact me is not realistic as many people have mentioned on ENA that their ex never contacted them after NC for many many many months. Some have yet to be contacted. Therefore, I'm not going to wait. I'm going to move on.

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I think you're right and right now I'm considering not contacting her. But hoping that she shall contact me is not realistic as many people have mentioned on ENA that their ex never contacted them after NC for many many many months. Some have yet to be contacted. Therefore, I'm not going to wait. I'm going to move on.

 

Very true and good way to put it.

 

It took my ex over 5 months to contact me. We reconciled and it's still a work in progress.

 

Just live your life one day at a time and things get better

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Thnx Chris...but reconciliation after a breakup...it needs commitment from both sides to make it work given the history and the fear and insecurity of the ex-dumpee or the self-doubt of the ex-dumper who might blame themselves for reconciling if they feel that they still have doubts for the ex-dumpees change...a breaking could happen again. There must be some sort of guarantee that it won't happen again..but that depends on intention of how long both of them want each other...

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