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I feel like I should be over it already ..


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I find myself still thinking about my ex from time to time...wondering if I'll ever see him again but I know deep down in my heart that he's messed up and he's probably not the one for me. It's been a while since I've spoken to him although he has tried to hit me up I've blocked him from everything. I know that he loves this new girl that he's with and it kills me. He tells her he loves her and that his heart only beats for her...alot of what he's telling her could be just what she wants to hear..but I am sure that he really deep down does love her..I don't know and I don't know why I'm thinking about it so much.

 

I wish that none of this ever happened to me. Part of me feels like I wasted 3 years of my life with some loser and I get upset bc I know that I cannot get that time back..and then the other part of me feels like this is the best thing for me and now I'll be better off. I think what hurts me the most is how fast he's telling her that he loves her..he is a liar he's lied to me so many times and so who knows if he's just playing games with her too or just wants to hear someone tell him that they love him to fill the void or whatever. I know that this crazy girl still brings me up and still has tried to contact me but I've avoided her at every cost.

 

It's still hard to hear certain songs or things that remind me of him bc I was with him for a long time..but I know with time it'll get better it's just taking a little longer than I thought. I don't know what to tell myself to be completely rid of him from my life and it hurts me knowing that someone 10 years younger than me has taken my place...someone who's 12 years younger than him ..she's closer in age to his son than to him that's why I just don't get it.

That's what kills me..I know age isn't nothing but a number..but still...I don't get it.

 

I saw pictures of her..and she is not all that..which maybe is why she's so insecure and chases after me and is so paranoid about him cheating on her. It made me feel better but at the same time..he's still with her..so I still feel bad. I googled him and saw that he's on some dating websites sending messages to other girls on their pages and commenting on their pictures the most recent post was last wednesday telling some girl he'd like to get to know them better...so is he really in love or loving this little crazy girl that he's with? I don't know what to tell myself to make myself feel better.?? In the beginning I was saying she's not all that and laughing at the fact that she was insecure enough to have my name in her mouth 24-7 but knowing that he loves her and all this b.s. or whatever it is he's telling her makes me so nauseas.. i feel so confused I miss him still and I know I shouldn't bc he's a jerk. I guess it's true what they say..sometimes the heart misses what the mind wants to forget...I wish I could erase my memories of him completely bc then I might be in a better place.

 

It's hard to lose someone you love...but then I ask myself if he was really deserving of my love and my time..and the answer is no..so I know what I need to do..the problem is putting it into action. My heart still hurts and it sucks to know some immature girl has took my place. I know everyone deserves to be happy and maybe I just wasn't the one who did that for him..I make myself think too much and that's why I have a hard time letting go. I don't want to go backwards..that's why I'm on this site to help myself try to move forward. It just still hurts..

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Hi Mary

First, I'm so sorry, I know how difficult and frustrating it is trying to heal after a breakup. But, I must ask you, how do you know what he is telling this other girl? How do you know what she looks like? I'm guessing FB or something? If that is the case, you are just prolonging the hurt by keeping track of him and what he's doing. You can not fully move on until you break free of the things that remind you of him and stop obsessing on what he's doing and with whom. I know it's hard but believe me you can move on and you can heal. I know because I've been there along with a lot of other men and women.

 

Something that helped me was when someone I knew asked me this question about my ex "Do you really think he's changed? Do you honestly think that he will now be the new and improved perfect boyfriend to his new girl? Men don't change"

 

I wish there was a magic cure to quickly end all the pain you're feeling but there is not, it is just going to take some time and some effort on your part. Find a new hobby, continue to focus on things that were not right in your relationship with him, and have solace in knowing that he'll always be a jerk no matter who he is with but you now have the opportunity to find someone great.

 

Good luck *hugs*

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Mary, here's the thing. He wasn't the man for you. He did you a huge favor by breaking up with you after just three years. The only thing worse would have been 3.1 years. 3.2 years, 3.3 years.

 

That time was not wasted. You enjoyed his company, you grew, learned, matured. Take the lessons you've learned and carry them on to the next relationship.

 

It doesn't matter what she looks like, does it? It still hurt. Rest assured, his choice in a new woman is no reflection on you. My ex has dating a rather unattractive woman who dresses like a frumpy, much older woman for nine months now. There's something about her that he finds attractive, so I wish them love and luck. I, on the other hand, have never looked or felt better.

 

Regarding moving forward, even the smallest steps are in the right direction. Make a detailed plan for yourself. Become the most fascinating version of yourself so that he looks back and thinks of you as the one that got away.

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Thank you both. I guess sometimes when you start to feel better sometimes a song or something will come up and remind you of that person. This time around it was just something I read and saw how much he tells her he loves her and that made me sick to my stomach. I started to think about how we used to be and I know now for sure that the whole relationship was based on a lie. I just feel like I've put time in that I'll never be able to get back.

 

I know somewhere deep down I'm better off and that he obviously wasn't the one for me and that I just have to learn from this and move on. Sometimes it's easier said then done but I know there's gotta be something better out there for me. It's just getting over this hurdle and stopping myself from checking things that I know are just going to hurt me in the long run.

 

Thanks for listening.

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