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why so many harsh opinions in society??


melita20

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I've never been a judgemental person, I cannot be. I'm nice to everyone despite what they are, cause I know every single human-being has a will to do good and want to do good. I've come to people many times asking advice on how to deal with a drug addict boyfriend, who has had a ruff past. people tell me to "Dump him" or give me phrases like "what the hell are you thinking??!!!"...hmmm I dunno.... I just really like the guy!! I'm falling for the guy because of his good heart and the way that he treats me!! He would never put me in harms way. but the fact that people like to right off a human being off cause they made a few mistakes in there life. Like I don't feel the same living in my home anymore cause My mom knows about him and I know she is dieing in agony inside knowing im dating this guy. but what do I do? do I turn into the rest of the snob American society and write him off?? What does all this do exactly?? does it tell him that he is loser and he will never make it in life because of his bad decisions??? I mean come on. I dunno who else feels the same as me and really I dunno who can relate to my situations, but it really isn't a fair situation. I do love this guy. the one thing that really just made my day at least happy and stress-free is one person saying I should "FOLLOW MY HEART" at that moment im saying THANK YOU!!! I just want some satisfaction and people to STOP nagging me and just let me trust my own judgement. I dunno if he will turn out to be good I dunno if he will be a good guy in the future and stay on his path to do good, but its worth trusting him and helping him with his problems and be there as a girlfriend,boyfriend, or just a friend, instead of writing him off and making him feel inferior to society. Let the jailbird flap his wings and fly. post you opinions on these thoughts.

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welcome to enotalone.

 

i'm not a psychologist, but i have watched many episodes of A&E's show "intervention." basically, the family and friends of an addict confront them - if they don't give up the drugs and go to rehab, the family and friends will cut ties. sometimes, that's what it takes for a drug addict to seek help - when he hits rock bottom.

 

people tell you to dump him. partially to protect yourself from getting hurt, but also because it might serve as his wakeup call that the drugs are negatively impacting his life and driving away the people he loves. does your boyfriend want to get clean? if he doesn't want to, then there is nothing you can do. apart from leave, tell him it's you or the drugs. addiction is a serious thing and sometimes standing by him can = enabling him.

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he wants to get clean...and he is in the process of getting clean. He takes suboxone which help his addiction and really those are the only thing he is determined to get everyday. I trust him with all my heart really because he seems very determined. I just want him to get a chance to have the life that I have right now. He says he wants a full time job and wants to go to college but im afraid his past won't let him do that, and people constantly telling me it won't happen doesn't help eiether.

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It doesn't sound like you want opinions, so much as you want people to agree with you.

 

I think you're taking on a lot with this guy, to be honest.

 

Are you willing to deal with everything that comes along with his problem for the rest of your life (or his)? Because he is an addict, and that means he might not ever recover.

 

In fact, addicts are addicts for the rest of their lives whether they continue using or not. It's like contracting an incurable disease. You might not die from it, but you always carry it with you..

 

You love him. That much is clear. But this guy cares more about this substance than he does about you, or anything else for that matter. Can you live with that?

 

He may get better, which would be amazing and is totally possible. But you should know that it is also entirely possible that he will not recover.

 

I think this is why people come off as they do.

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Post you opinions on these thoughts.

 

- People who are addicted to anything can be problematic in relationships. It's hard enough helping someone through a serious problem when you've been in a stable relationship for a long time, let alone while you're starting a relationship. People tell you to dump him partly because they are concerned about what you're getting yourself into.

 

- All drug users, abusers/addicts especially, have a stigma attached, partly because of societal preconceptions, and partly because of the negative behaviour often attributed to them. That's not going to change until community attitudes do, and that's not gonna happen any time soon.

 

- People who have been in jail are also subject to stigma, because often they were put there for a reason - because they did something bad (or at least, reasonably illegal). That's never going to change, IMO.

 

- If you tell people "This is my jailbird druggie boyfriend, xxx", you're not doing yorself, or him, any favours. You don't need to tell anyone anything, unless there's a chance that he poses a risk. If someone asks, fair enough, but if he's able to function well in social situations, no-one's going to know.

 

- You're angry that people pre-judge him. Whether that's fair or not, life isn't fair, and to be honest, he has made some bad decisions, and he's wearing the cost of them. That's what happens. Employers will take his record into account, and there's nothing that can be done to stop that.

 

- There's a lot of opportunity for you to get hurt here. If you do decide to stick with him and help him through his recovery, that's admirable, but don't risk more than you can afford to lose, and don't let your heart blind you to warning signs - if it looks as though he's starting to wane in his resolve to get/stay clean; use again, or engage in things you don't want to be a part of, you'll have to reassess whether you can afford to stay with him.

 

Whatever you choose to do, best of luck with it.

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I can relate to what you're going through, in a way. My boyfriend has tried a lot of drugs in his past and gotten into trouble. But he stopped all of that before I even met him, and he had never actually gotten addicted to anything. The only potential problem is his roommate moving in who used to instigate all the trouble, and still does drugs. But I've been paying very close attention, and its clear that he is still staying clean, and he is going back to school. Plus, he has a good job. But I do have to say that I wouldn't mention his past to anyone unless they specifically asked. Why put myself in that situation for no reason? It does seem like your situation is a little bit worse though. Since you obviously love him, I can understand that you would at least want to give him a chance. But just be careful and, in the long run, do what is best for you.

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It doesn't sound like you want opinions, so much as you want people to agree with you.[/quote

 

Im not trying to get people to agree necessarily, its more like I want to find someone who was in a relatable situation and just give me good advice. Cause alot of people havn't been in that situation and don't really understand. I just want someone to just give me actuall advice that is not hurtfull.

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like another poster, addiction is a disease, and he will have it and struggle with it for his entire life. it's very likely that he will relapse and maybe even go back to jail. the odds are stacked against him. if he is very motivated, maybe he can pull himself out of this situation, get a stable job, get off the drugs and everything. it's just that you are young, and it's very difficult to deal with addicts, especially if you don't have to (ie, you don't have children with him, this is a new relationship). by the way, please wear protection and don't get pregnant with him!!!

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thanks yeah...we are using protection and im taking birth control and he makes sure I take the birth control every single. Nags me about it actually lol he knows his life is not stable enough to have a kid. and I do believe he will pull himself out of the situation but with that im not sure...im just hoping for the best and expecting the worse.

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I've been in a couple of relationships with men like your bf. RUN! I was left broke and broken. This is why I am no longer a bleeding heart for those with addictions. I forgave the jail time, believed their rehab would stick, and spent years cleaning up the mess they left me with. There is a reason most women avoid these types of men, a very good one. THERE IS NO UPSIDE FOR YOU.

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