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I am turned off by those with options


Keraron

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In both the realms of dating, attracting and getting back Xs, I often read the advice that it is good to show others that you have options, that other people would like to have you as a partner, because this makes you look more desirable.

 

Some get to the point of advising that we should spark a bit of jealousy in those we try to attract.

 

Personally, if a woman I am interested in is surrounded by other guys and talks to them, I feel quite intimidated on the one hand, and also less appreciated/cared-about on the other hand.

 

My gut feeling is it be worth it investing time in someone who has so many options already? How likely is it that she will stay with me?"

 

I wanted to ask whether others feel like this as well, and whether the whole "Make him/her jealous!"-advice is just a myth with counter-effects.

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I don't think what you read was in context that if a woman has guys swarming around her you'll want to be with her more but more along that lines that if you for example dump your girlfriend and then see that someone else is taking interest in her chances are that this might spark a jealous or protective instinct in you and make you desire what you had disposed of more since you begin to question your own actions because what you eliminated from your life, someone else is willing to gladly take. This tactic works best for people who have been dumped. If the dumper sees that this exposed girlfriend/boyfriend is single/miserable and still trying to get back with the dumper they don't feel the urgency to reconsider him/her and are subconsciously convinced that by dumping her they did the right thing (no one else wants them afterall). As soon as others begin to take interest the dumper goes into question mode: "Wait a minute, other guys are jumping at the idea of being with her? Is my preception off? Did I do the right thing? What is she falls in love with someone else? What if I realize later I made a mistake and she won't even consider me since she's with someone else?" This doesn't work in all instances but it does when the dumper is unsure of his actions and is taking time to re-think the situation.

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I like my partner to have a life. That's what I mean by options. I don't want to date a guy who NEEDS to date me. At first, I want it to just be two people with full and rewarding lives who just happen to like each other. Not someone who only has me to look forward to.

 

OK, but by "life" do you also mean other girls?

 

Conversely, if he is not surrounded by girls, but has an adventurous life?

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OK, but by "life" do you also mean other girls?

 

Conversely, if he is not surrounded by girls, but has an adventurous life?

 

If he has an adventurous life, with friends, and other things going on, I would consider that a man with options.

 

If I came accross a guy that couldn't decide between me or another girl, forget it.

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If I came accross a guy that couldn't decide between me or another girl, forget it.

 

What do you mean with this sentence? That he should be given such choice or that he should be able to know what he wants?

 

In case you mean "he should have choice", what if in a particular moment he doesn't like any other girl but you?

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What do you mean with this sentence? That he should be given such choice or that he should be able to know what he wants?

 

In case you mean "he should have choice", what if in a particular moment he doesn't like any other girl but you?

 

I mean that if he is strung up in a situation where he "likes two girls (or more) and just can't make up his mind", I'd step away from it. I don't want such a complex situation and I don't want to be with a guy who is so unsure of me.

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I mean that if he is strung up in a situation where he "likes two girls (or more) and just can't make up his mind", I'd step away from it. I don't want such a complex situation and I don't want to be with a guy who is so unsure of me.

 

OK, well that's what I meant in the beginning.

 

By options I really meant "romantic options".

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