My ex girlfriend is talkin to me again

[ask42989]

So the thing is me and my ex we dated for maybe 3 months and she broke it off with me. of course i was truly heart broken even though in the short period of time me and her became really close we loved eachother more than any1 else we ever dated now its been 6 months since we've even remotely talked to eachother. She friend requested me on facebook and said she did it to apologize for being a * * * * * to me during our break up. Which im gonna say she really didnt have to apologize because i was the ass.

 

Well shes tellin me she misses me and that deep down she still has strong feelings for me and i do for her as well. But im not sure if i want to go thru it again at least thats what my brain is saying but its also saying that we had a great relationship and i do want her back. Im really confused because women are very hard to understand. I need some advice she wants me to come see her and i will because we do need to catch up but idont know if this is just a rebound or if its real. ima young guy but shes always seemed like the one to me again i know even in the short period of time. What should i do.

 

Thanks in advance

Tony

[redeyedandblue]

I'm prolly' not the best to attempt to give some advice being that I have the worst luck with relationships, lol, but.....

 

If she's saying she has deep feelings for you, that's always a good thing. I mean, play it low-key when she visits you. The best thing I can say is act like nothing bad ever happened and see where it goes. I've had lots of bad luck by bringing up....well....bad stuff with ex-girlfriends. It'll be hard, but try to stay strong on not getting overly worried about the past.

 

At the same time, though.....if it does become serious, make it clear that you refuse to get hurt again (obviously not THAT strongly, but you get what I mean).

 

Once again.....this is just my opinion, lol. Hope it helps, man.

[MikNomis]

This is one of the MOST common situations EVER. Do not grant her wishes and go see her, you will only feel like you got played, because you basically did. They just want you to be there as a security blanket while they wait for a new interest to pop by and as soon as they do, you will be ignored like the dust. This situation is very very common, so do not give anyone what they want.

[Hopelives]

I completely disagree.

 

Women do not "always" look for a security blanket.

 

I broke up with my ex because MY life AND HIS life were completely "zoomie" at the time and I was feeling a bit left out.

 

I asked very calmly how we could fix things thinking we'd have a great conversation about what plans we'd make, what we'd do together, etc. Instead, I got that "I want to take the next step with you but my kids are not coming around as soon as I'd hoped" blah blah blah. When I threw out potential solutions, they were met with lukewarm thoughts.

 

In the end, I did break up with him. He was choked up. I was completely, and totally at a loss. I adore this man.

 

We've been split up for 1.5 years. I still love this man. I still adore this man. I still really can't find the words to describe what I feel. And I would go back in a heart beat.

 

If she has opened up communications with you, it could be the security blanket as mentioned above. OR she could be really missing you.

 

In either case, you will not know unless you go to dinner with her, see her for lunch or what-not. BUT my advice is take it very slow.

 

Talk, laugh, enjoy each other's company. You may not know after that first lunch/dinner date if things will work, but you will have a better feeling about it.

 

Just go. Enjoy yourself. Keep it light. Keep it fun. DO NOT TALK about the past (yet). If you two continue to hang out, the past will come up. Even then, keep it calm and light.

 

I'm envious. Really envious!!

[ask42989]

Thanks Hopelives thats very helpful ive been getting alot of advice from friends and relatives about this and i wanted som people who werent invovled but might be in the same situation my advice to you is hang in there he may come back. As for Miknomis i completely disagree and redeyedandblue your advice still helps no matter how much you think your hopless keep your chin up man thats the best advice i can give Thank you all and im always open for more advice

[chocolate_86]

i really don't know. i mean only you can really decide what you feel is best.just don't let her use you.

[redherring]

I completely disagree.

 

Women do not "always" look for a security blanket.

 

Yeah...

 

A lot of people on this forum are (I have found) very cynical as to peoples intentions regarding contact/getting back together. They seem to be quite unforgiving and make a lot of generalised statements based upon their (singular, individual) experience. And even then you're only getting their perspective on that experience...

 

I guess its understandable as most people have come on here with a broken heart, and its very easy to develop that kind of attitude when you've been hurt. At the same time we all need to remember that there ARE people with genuine intentions about.

 

It sounds like things are going well with your ex. I hope things turn out the way you'd like them to.

[asiu]

so this is copied from an ENA article discussing if exes can be friends but i think the points it asks one to think about and assess are good ones to evaluate whether or not that ex should remain as a part of your life and/or be your partner again.

 

 

"It's the dreaded four-word phrase… "Can we be friends?" It's a classic break-up line, but it's also an issue that must be faced when a relationship hits the rocks. In reality, the questions ought to be "should we be friends?" And, if so, "how will we define that relationship?" Below are some points to ponder when facing the partnership to friendship dilemma.

 

Take Care of Business:

 

Whether it's a marriage or simply a significant partnership, there are issues that you must manage when the romance ends. In the case of divorce, there is a legal process to manage. There may be property to divide. Decisions may have to be made about mutual friends and whether those relationships can continue. Focus first on the "business" of ending your relationship. It is your responsibility to manage this process with knowledge and dignity.

 

Take Care of Yourself:

 

Your first thought should not be about the place your ex will hold in your future. Focus on healing yourself. Take time to reflect on the relationship and learn the inevitable lessons that arise from that experience. Use your support network to heal emotionally. Use exercise, hobbies and your favorite activities to keep yourself physically active and vibrant. In most cases, you can't rely on your ex to help you recover or to garner closure. Fix yourself first.

 

Evaluate Your Intentions:

 

When approaching a friendship with an ex, take time to understand your motives for pursuing that relationship. Remember what defines a friendship: conversation, connection, support and mutual interests. Again, if your motive is to seek closure, "check up" on your former partner, rekindle your romance or inflict some sort of revenge on the one that wronged you, it is probably best to let more time past. If you are truly friends, time will not diminish that connection. Don't rush into something that is unhealthy or dysfunctional.

 

Assess Their Value:

 

From time to time, we all clean out our closets, getting rid of the clothes that no longer suit us. Too often, we don't do this with our friends and acquaintances. It is important that we fill our lives with people who bring value to our existence. Make a list of pros and cons to nurturing a friendship with your former partner. Realize that the same reasons that led to the relationship's end may be the factors that make a friendship with your ex unbeneficial. Be prepared to acknowledge the fact that someone who was a critical part of your past may not have a place in your future.

 

Set Rules and Stick By Them:

 

It happens all the time. You meet with a partner from the past for a friendly drink. One drink turns into six. Suddenly the time machine has been ignited and you are making mistakes you'll regret in the morning. Especially in the early stages of the friendship transition, it is important to set ground rules. If at any point in the evening your feelings shift to an unbalanced state, stand firm and go home. Set limits on your interaction if necessary to keep the situation platonic and positive."