Why is it so hard to let go of what you know is a bad relationship??

[Mauxly]

I hate that my heart has such a strong memory! So we broke up, and I’m happy that we broke up. My friends and family pretty much jumped for joy when they heard. If that isn’t a sign, what is? Oh yeah, that feeling of loneliness, neglect and sadness while actually IN the relationship, that was my sign! The fact that, bless his schizophrenic little heart, he just couldn’t help but check out of the relationship and do something hurtful every three months or so.

I was pretty distraught as he handed me my heart on a platter the other day. I didn’t beg or plead. I left in tears, but by the time I got to the end of his block I dried up, realized that he’d just done me a huge favor. I would have spun my wheels in misery in that relationship for a LONG time. I promised myself I wasn’t going to pine for him, or miss him, and that I was going to move on as quickly as possible.

 

I’m not looking for a rebound relationship, I’m not looking for anything serious. But I’m concerned that maybe I don’t miss him so much as I hate the boredom and loneliness of sitting around my house by myself. Therefore I’ve decided to date, just date in the most innocent sense of the term, as many men as possible over the next few months. Just see what is out there. Last night I walked up to an attractive man and said, “I know this is random, but do you want to hang out sometime? Here’s my phone number, give me a call” and went back to my friends. The guy was shocked, but really happy! This can be fun!

 

 

Anyway, I’m very determined to move on. And I was pretty sure I was fine. Wouldn’t ya know it I dreamt about the ex all last night. In the dreams we were having a blast, back to the days when I fell in love with him. And damn it if I didn’t wake up sad and missing him. LAME LAME LAME!!!

 

NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!

 

I refuse, simply refuse to carry a torch for him.

[bungalo]

The phrase "The devil you know" comes to mind. It could be familiarity..even though you see the downside rationally, you two had an emotional connection. I am really struggling right now (don't mean to hijack your thread) with grief over my ex. 35 days NC and so many thoughts swirling around in my head about possible reconciliation, staying friends, never having anything to do with her again (the scariest prospect for me). Hang in there. I know you'll wind up with a winner next time, or you'll just have fun with casual dating.

[MakestheBest]

I've finally found a signature that fits me like a glove. Thanks lady . I always wonder at the people who kill themselves not to feel anything for their ex. Doesn't it just get built up? Go out? Yes! Approach the cuties? Yes, Keep your mind off of him? All day, baby.

 

Beat yourself up about it if you slip?

NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!

[vertigoxo]

It's normal to feel this way, Trxy. You have been to Hell and back and back again with this man, so of course you'll feel heartbroken for him. But I know you can get through this!

 

Dating is a nice, fun way to keep your mind off the ex. =] So is hanging out and having fun with friends and families, shopping for a whole new wardrobe, getting a new hairstyle, focusing on your job/school work, etc. There's many ways to keep busy.

 

You are an inspiration!

[Mauxly]

I always wonder at the people who kill themselves not to feel anything for their ex.

 

Because it hurts like hell?

 

And because it is dangerous, at least for me. This guy has a pattern of freaking out, doing something horrible/breaking my heart because he's convinced that I'm not 'the girl for him' and then either coming to his senses or going insane (not sure which) and coming back.

 

If I'm still missing him, it is really difficult to not go there.

 

I don't think he'll come back until river season is over in the fall, unless of course, he finds my replacement over the summer. So my job is to have it together by then so I'm not wooed back into this.

[TouchNastY]

This isn't meant to grill you, but, if memory serves, after this douche had his "incident," you were fairly adamant in not going back. Read your own posts.

 

When I saw your recent "getting back together" post, it made me wonder what the hell you were thinking; mayhap there really is only one way to learn these lessons. That being said, I hope, at this point, you are being forthright in saying that you are just dating "for fun," cuz it sure don't sound like it.

 

Another "remedial" period of introspection/alone time if-you-will may serve you well, this one not followed by getting back together, but rather with dating for fun, truly, when you are ready.

[faithful14]

I think it's the hope that they will wake up one day and realize they need to change

[Mauxly]

This isn't meant to grill you, but, if memory serves, after this douche had his "incident," you were fairly adamant in not going back. Read your own posts.

 

When I saw your recent "getting back together" post, it made me wonder what the hell you were thinking; mayhap there really is only one way to learn these lessons. That being said, I hope, at this point, you are being forthright in saying that you are just dating "for fun," cuz it sure don't sound like it.

 

Another "remedial" period of introspection/alone time if-you-will may serve you well, this one not followed by getting back together, but rather with dating for fun, truly, when you are ready.

 

Damn, flog me when I'm down!

I don't need to read my own posts, I remember them. For the record I don't regret trying again with him. I learned a lot about myself, and I know that I tried my best.

 

What you don't know about me is that in every relationship I've had, I've taken at least 6 months off before dating again, most often more than a year. And I average about a decade between serious relationships (ya know, the ones where you actually exchange 'I love yous'). I'm the exact opposite of a relationship hopper.

 

And what I've withnessed with some of my other friends is that they don't mope, they get right back on that horse. And I'm seeing that they are happier and don't dwell on the ones that don't work out...and they don't stay with the ones that don't treat them well. I want to learn how to do that, my therapist agrees.

[mgirl]

I’m not looking for a rebound relationship, I’m not looking for anything serious. But I’m concerned that maybe I don’t miss him so much as I hate the boredom and loneliness of sitting around my house by myself. Therefore I’ve decided to date, just date in the most innocent sense of the term, as many men as possible over the next few months.

 

I actually think that's a good idea as well. Kudos to you

[newinvention]

Trxy - Been a while... I'm sorry things didn't work out. Keep movin' on and don't forget to dance around the house once in a while!

[Mauxly]

Thanks Dave! I've been wondering about you.

I'm not nearly as traumatized as I was last time. So no huge need to dance the blues away. Buy still fun!

 

Sorry I got kind of defensive with that one post. Actually some good points made. Just wasn't in the mood for the blatant honesty at that time.

 

Two things:

I've been rethinking the jumping back on the horse thing. I've got a good friend that I'm attracted to, and I'm not willing to date him right now because I know I'm still sort of a trainwreck. I don't want to do that yo him. So why would o be willing to do it to a stranger?

 

Hmmm....

 

Second thing, whenever I think fond thoughts of the ex, all I have to do is remember how sexually frustrated I was with him. I know its whacked to say that that's just about as big of a dealbreaker as there is with me. This would be so much harder if out sex life had continued to rock.

 

Excuse any typos, on the mobile.