Jump to content

want to leave home


camaras

Recommended Posts

Hi,

 

I am almost 30 now and I'd like to leave home. Sounds like no problem, right? My mom stays at this house for 2 months out of the year and I stay in the house. Just me being here is enough for her. She knows the grass is cut, mail brought in, and everything is generally taken care of. She has a lot of stuff here and I know that finding a place for it is a big hastle. In exchange for keeping an eye on things and giving her peace of mind, I have no house related bills. Just food, gas, and any entertainment.

 

I know that puts me in a position that many people would love to be in.

 

But I don't want to live here anymore. This house is too big and has too much stuff that is not mine. I want a change of scenery - not a temporary vacation. I've going thru one divorce while living here and I'm going thru a separation in it now. I feel like staying here sheltered has kept me from becoming an independent adult and it is time to go.

 

Leaving would cause problems for my mom. I have a sister who left home in a way that my mom didn't like and other family members have called irresponsible. I want to leave in a better way than she did. I'm going to have to give reasons. But I don't want them to be reasons that people can argue against.

 

I am an adult and I feel that if I want to go I should be able to without people looking down on me and calling me irresponsible or foolish for leaving such a good situation. But I don't want to cause problems for my mother either. I feel so stuck!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am an adult and I feel that if I want to go I should be able to without people looking down on me and calling me irresponsible or foolish for leaving such a good situation. But I don't want to cause problems for my mother either. I feel so stuck!

 

You summed up your answer right here bro. Your 30 years old, that is all she needs to hear.

 

You just need to explain how you want to be on your own and earn what you have. That you eventually want to start a family, have kids, live life.

 

You are entitled to that much.

 

She will respect that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

But it's not your house, is it? I mean, from the sound of it, it sounds like your mom owns it?

 

If so, then the house is HER respnosibility; not yours. You've been playing the role of caretaker for a while now and while you have been compensated by way of free rent for this "job," it's a job you no longer want.

 

Where is she the other 10 months of the year? She is not the first person who owns multiple homes in different locations. If she chooses to do that, she'll have to deal with the "what to do with the property while I'm elsewhere" issue just like everyone else who owns multiple homes.

 

Any reason you come up will be able to be argued against by anyone who doesn't want you do something different. Instead of looking for that non-existant perfect reason, what you need to do is let them know what you're intending to do, and then do it. Certainly give her "notice" like you would an employer. Is the 2 months she's there coming up soon? That might be a good time to exit -- let her know ASAP that you're moving, hang out there til she gets back in town, and then she will be able to do what she needs to do while she's in town -- like put her stuff in storage, or hire a caretaker or rent the house or get it ready to sell.

 

Again, though, I think you've got too many people with their own agendas involved here to make coming up with an "acceptable" reason impossible. Everyone's got a vested interest in keeping you there for their own reasons. You're just gonna have to be firm and stick to your guns.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am an adult and I feel that if I want to go I should be able to without people looking down on me and calling me irresponsible or foolish for leaving such a good situation. But I don't want to cause problems for my mother either. I feel so stuck!

 

Oh, yeah...part of being an adult is doing what you believe to be best for you, regardless of other people's opinions.

 

I think as long as you give adequate notice of your intention to move, you're fine. For the vast majority of rental properties "adequate notice" is defined as 30 days. Every apartment I've rented has wanted at least 30 days notice prior to a tennant moving out. I think if you give at least that, you're covered on the "responsible" part.

 

You really need to consider who would look down at you and call you irresponsible here -- what is their agenda? What do they stand to lose if you stop being the live in caretaker? would they have to step up and do something for a change?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...