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I am 26 years old and I have never felt like this before. The confusion is taking its toll and I don't have anyone to talk to about this subject.


Yes, I am gay and I am out. But this story is different and it involves a married guy who is 52 years old.


I started working with him about 6 months ago and the first time I saw him I was instantly drawn to him. The first two months it was like I don't even exist for him but eventually we started getting along fine.


I opened up to him about my sexuality. Finding the perfect moment to confess was a little difficult but eventually I did. When I told him he acted like he knew for a long time. He just blushed and smiled. I told him that I would really appreciate it if he didn't change the way he sees me. As from the next day we got even closer.


The shock came when I learnt that he was married and has a disabled daughter. I kind of cooled off for a few days because I felt like I was betraying his family but eventually my heart won over my mind and the crush came back.


We see each other everyday for about 2 hours. We are both teachers. In those two hours I noticed several 'weird' things coming from his side. Here are a few examples:


- We sort of match our clothes...if he is wearing green, I am wearing green and so on. No, we don't call each other and plan what to wear.


- I often catch him looking at me and when I look back he faces away...


- In his classroom he is the main teacher, and I am a learning support assistant and I usually sit at the front of the class. He sets his computer right next to me and I barely have enough space for myself. Still, he doesn't find it awkward to get really close to me.


- There are other minor things...like for example he saw my new car and said that he is going to get one too. Recently someone stole my phone. The next day I got a new one, the next day he came with a new one too.


- He usually asks what I am doing during the weekend and shows all round interest.


- Once I was out smoking and he came and I noticed that during lunch break he sahved his face. Noticing that I asked whether he shaved or not and he replied that he did and that he also took a shower. Then he proceeded to ask me how many times a week I shave. I said twice...Wednesday and Saturday. Surprise, he said those are the days he shaves on too.


- I love very close to the school, like 5 minutes away by walk and he comes by car. He asked me several times if I want a lift, and since I live close by I always refuse in a polite way.


Now I know the above reasons may sound or look stupid, but I am trying to give away as much information as possible.


Recently, we were talking about computers and he asked for a program that I happen to have. He has no problem giving me his laptop to work on while he is not around. Eventually at this point he started having a lot of computer 'problems' and this is where we exchanged e-mails and cell phone numbers. He calls often, and once I missed his call and he instantly sent an e-mail saying 'Hi, I tried to call, but you didn't answer.'


Last Saturday he asked me to go to his lace because he knows I am good in photography and his daughter needed some advice. I went there and met his brother, sister, daughter, mother and nephew. Talking to his nephew I realized that he knows more than I do computer wise...so why this guy keeps asking me instead of his nephew?


Also I am partnered in a long distance relationship and he knows about him. The funny thing is that when I talk about my partner, he never refers to him by name. Instead he calls him 'him' or 'he'. I never once heard him say his name. Does that mean anything?


Last week I also mentioned that I was going to the USA and he made it loud and clear that I shouldn't go. Don't ask me why, because I truly don't know. All I know is that it made me uncomfortable because I know he knows that my partner is in the USA. Shortly after British Airways announced that they may strike and I told him that I might not be going. Today we met again. I went over to his house and then he came over to mine (again, computer problems) and I said that even though there is a strike I will still risk going. He said 'Oh you are going? Didn't you say you are not?' He proceeded to ask questions like how long will I be gone etc.


One last thing is that today I went to his house with my car...then when I realized that I forgot something at my house, I said why don't you come over in my car too? He accepted with no problem.


Anyway is this all wishful thinking? Or do I even stand a chance with this guy? Maybe he likes me as I was his son?


Should I risk our friendship and tell him that I like him? Or will I be a complete fool if I do?


I really don't know where I am standing right now and I will really appreciate any advice that you might be able to give me. Also, I would like to apologize if my English is bad...it's not my first language.

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There is nothing in what you wrote that suggests he is gay and secretly into you. The fact that you are looking at things like him getting a new phone a day after you as a sign of this strongly suggests wishful thinking. To me, anyway.


Of course, there is always a possibility that he may be a closeted gay man and interested in you, because let's face it, how would anyone know. But "possibility" and "likelihood" are two very different things.


What I think you should seriously consider is this: closeted gay or not, he is still a married man, the father of a disabled daughter, and twice your age. These things do not bode well for a potential relationship at all. And certainly not for "casual fun", unless you are seriously considering wrecking his marriage and your own relationship with your boyfriend.

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I know how hard it is to overcome a crush, but you have to consider reality. He is married and has a family. Even if he is gay, is it the right thing to do? I strongly suggest you don't put too much time into this, because I doubt he will respond favorably. I'm sure once you get with your boyfriend you'll soon get over him. Which isn't really fair for your boyfriend. Anyways, don't worry about you're English, it is my first language and I am still bad at it! lol I hope this is helpful.

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