dating Qs

[LAYAAN]

Well, I have Q to men on ENA, but didn't know what title would be better suited for this thread

My Qs are -

1) If a man says No to a woman (within first 3-4 dates), what are his chances of rethinking his decision and coming back?

2) If a man says No to a woman after dating her for say 4-6 months, what are his chances of doubting his decision and coming back?

3) Is it true that when a man says No and has initiated the breakup/is the dumper, it normally means "No" as in matter closed, but when a woman says No, it means "may be no, but most likely I'll doubt my decision and come back to it."

 

I recently ran into my ex at a party and the whole experience was quite awkward. Before I broke up with my ex, I wrote the reasons clearly in my journal. Now I find myself questioning if I did the right thing. So that's the story with me. Whereas in arranged marriage market when men turned me down they never came back, never seemed to doubt their decision. I wonder why is that so?

Also, my good friend, dated this man for a year or more than that. During this time, they broke up several times (mostly initiated by her), got back together (mostly initiated by her), broke up again (initiated by her). I told her yesterday when she was crying to me about a text that he sent her, " You need to write down why you broke up with him the first time. Why would you go back to him if you don't see any changes in those reasons/areas?" I wonder if women lack determination and get weak and doubt themselves when it comes to such decisions.

[annie24]

i disagree with the whole women being weak and doubting themselves. whenever i have broken up, i was always 100% sure in my decision.

 

guys who say 'no' after a few dates? i typically haven't heard guys say 'no' after a few dates, they usually drift away. i've had them come back sometimes after a few week or months. probably when they are done dating whoever it was they were dating before.

 

a few months? yes, i've had guys try to get back together - years later! very weird.

[OntheWire]

 

a few months? yes, i've had guys try to get back together - years later! very weird.

 

Yeah, us guys are weird. There's this one girl I've really liked since college and I could always tell she liked me. She mentioned something a while back about being in the same city I'm in now (on facebook). So I dropped her a line and said, "We should do lunch sometime. Are you free in October?"

 

She never responded.

 

But I had a good reason for this delay... I'm not happy with my current physical shape and I want the Summer to tone back up. I'd be embarrassed to go out on any strenuous physical excursion with her right now.

 

Oh well...that's how it goes sometimes. All I'm saying is just because a guy isn't hot on pursuit in the present doesn't mean he doesn't really like you. He may just want to make a few more bucks, or get back into shape, or do something to make himself feel worthy of the person he wants to date.

[annie24]

^^^ ok, but you see why she didn't respond, right?

[OntheWire]

^^^ ok, but you see why she didn't respond, right?

 

I dunno... maybe she's waiting until it's closer to October =) That's what I like to think.

[JusticeLaw9]

Well, I have Q to men on ENA, but didn't know what title would be better suited for this thread

My Qs are -

1) If a man says No to a woman (within first 3-4 dates), what are his chances of rethinking his decision and coming back?

2) If a man says No to a woman after dating her for say 4-6 months, what are his chances of doubting his decision and coming back?

3) Is it true that when a man says No and has initiated the breakup/is the dumper, it normally means "No" as in matter closed, but when a woman says No, it means "may be no, but most likely I'll doubt my decision and come back to it."

 

Everybody is different and depending upon the circumstances can influence his final decision. If the dates haven't been all that interesting or there was no real connection between the two parties, then chances are a no is going to hold up. But sometimes it might take a few more dates than just 3 or 4 to figure that out, at least for some people. Personally, once I end a relationship, I'm done. I never saw the point of going back with someone if things weren't working out.

[LAYAAN]

i disagree with the whole women being weak and doubting themselves. whenever i have broken up, i was always 100% sure in my decision.

guys who say 'no' after a few dates? i typically haven't heard guys say 'no' after a few dates, they usually drift away. i've had them come back sometimes after a few week or months. probably when they are done dating whoever it was they were dating before.

a few months? yes, i've had guys try to get back together - years later! very weird.

Well, please don't take it literally. What I meant was their actions conveyed 'no' rather than their saying/emailing/texting 'no'.

[LAYAAN]

So, its really not a matter of genders. Its a matter of -

- how well you understand yourself,

- what you want from a relationship,

- what's going on in the current relationship,

- how well and how quickly do you evaluate the other person,

- how convinced you are about your decision

- how strong you are in sticking to your decision once you are convinced its not gonna work.

[annie24]

Well, please don't take it literally. What I meant was their actions conveyed 'no' rather than their saying/emailing/texting 'no'.

 

ah, i see. yes, i have gone on a few dates with a guy, he disappears, then i hear from him a few weeks or months later. yes, that has certainly happened to me. i'm usually no longer interested by that point.