Am I Gay, Bisexual, or Straight?

[chiefoptimizer]

Well of course it does.

 

Gay men are much less masculine. I don't know why that is but it's obvious from the way they walk, talk, move, etc.

 

It's like they act like women on purpose.

 

Generally speaking.

 

You have obviously never met me: as a rule, people don't believe me when I tell them I'm gay, because I'm your typical "straight" guy. The truth is, I can and regularly do kick anyone's ass on the training mat, and I'm generally very macho, yet I'm deeply in love with the most amazing man I've ever met. Being gay and being masculine are not mutually exclusive sets.

[MitchF]

Or are you saying that you experimented and it created more conflict between which gender you felt you should be with?

 

this one, took me ages to come to terms with it though.

 

 

no one assumes im gay, and apparently im masculine.

i watched the movie, The Departed last night and it has a good analogy on how to tell who are cops. two mobsters went off the rule "if they aren't paying attention to you, then there a cop" it is such a poor judge of character, it is very similar to if your effeminate then you are gay. it doesn't actually apply.

[NaturalJ]

Dude, I was totally the same up until recently. It's because you've been raised to think gays are disgusting creatures and gay intercourse is still pretty foreign to you. You have to sort of reprogram the way you think in terms of what's normal and what's not. You've always had those thoughts in you man, you just need to explore them. Of course it's gonna feel uncomfortable or maybe even sickening at first, but when you associate how sexy the guy of your fantasies is, with fukcing him, then it makes more sense and you'll see how natural it really is.

 

I don't think homosexuals are disgusting though. I'm also more attracted to women overall than men. I say this because I love women all around including relationship and sex already and it feels natural to me. I feel sexual urges towards men sometimes but it doesn't feel right which is why I feel sick. If you look through my posts you will learn a little more about me to help you understand the way I think/feel.

 

Edit: You may be right with the "re-programing" theory but I don't think we are at the same area on the sexuality scale. I say this because there are many variables that could relate to these thoughts of men for me.

[NaturalJ]

NaturalJ

 

Yeah you were kinda keeping me up but I'm all good now, I've gotten my 5 hours.

And regarding the issue about the need for change, it seems like you have the self control to deal with it and I'm honestly happy for you.

If your psychologist says anything about that particular issue then it would be great if you could share some information with me. I think one of the positive things about needing change so much is probably the fact that you'll never seem boring to another person which is great if your in a relationship however to be honest I do actually envy you because I have no self control whatsoever but never the less I hope you succeed in life my friend and the best of luck to you

 

I will message you with information my psychologist gives me. I wouldn't envy me because it may sound like I have control but that is because I am constantly fighting other addictions. I have alcoholics, cocaine users, heroin users, and just about any abuser to drug in one part of my family (uncles that my mother has risen above financially and morally for the better). I am a smoker and easily get addicted to pain killers and drinking. For these reasons I really have to fight with myself and control my urges. It allows me better self control in the end. It's like a curse really, I have addictions in my family but my self control and potential has risen because of the struggle.

 

Anyways, good luck to you and thanks for all your advice. Many people have been helpful, but I can relate to you the most.

 

Thank you God for allowing me to meet someone who can relate to me. I've felt like an outsider for a long time.

[Ellie2006]

I wouldn't know about facing disapproval from having a boyfriend. If you have read all my posts on this thread, I get sick to my stomach at the thought of it.

 

What are you having difficulty grasping? I love women, relationship wise and sexually. I feel uneasy about having sexual urges towards men, but become ill at the thought of any type of sex with another man. That being said, I couldn't even have a relationship with another man just by the thought of sexual intercourse.

 

I have read how others say they had to experiment with the same sex to help solve their confusion, but I honestly don't think I could handle that.

 

Yes, I did read all of your posts on this thread. What I am trying to say (obviously, not very clearly) is that maybe you feel repulsion bc it was inculcated in you that homosexuality is wrong. i.e. it was tacitly (or maybe even directly) conveyed to you that a sexual relationship with a man would be met with disapproval.

 

I said that I must be having a difficulty fully grasping what you're saying bc of your response to my posts, for which I apologize if there was any misunderstanding.

[hexaemeron]

You're bisexual. You're sick because you don't WANT to be. Being bi doesn't mean you're less of a man. Unless that's what you choose to be. At the end of the day, you need to be yourself, whatever that is.

[getbiii]

im straight, but i think all men are somewhat atracted to other men in some level even thou they can't admit it.

same with women....

[G-Snap]

I truly do not believe the absence of your father is causing your sexual impulses towards men. There are TONS of men in the world w/out fathers who are not gay or bi. I really think that nine out of ten cases we are hardwired with a preference for one sex or the other, or both. I think this is just who you are and you would likely be the same exact way if dad had been there.

 

ON the flipside there are a ton of gay men out there who had strong father figures in their lives, they still were gay regardless.

 

Your getting sexual feelings toward a man, but then feeling sick when thinking of acting on it, is VERY consistent with people who were taught or who heard homophobic things growing up. I get the very strong feeling from your posts that you just don't think gay or bi behavior is 'normal' so when you think of acting on your impulses you can honestly feel physically ill. It isn't that strange. Many men who were in denial felt the same way.

[NaturalJ]

Not having a father figure present affected me and my personality. For all those men who grew up and didn't have their father around, they still may of had a father figure present. Someone said earlier in this thread that they had a single-parent mother raise them with no father. However, their uncles and grandfather stepped in to assist in parenting. I never had anything like that, and it is apparent others did. I'm also not saying that just because there is no father figure you will be homosexual, but not having a father figure present will affect you in some way. And for the men who had a father figure present but turned out to be homosexual, it is in their personality and being naturally. My insecurities were developed from past time conflict and experience. It makes sense that this ties into my personality.

 

Not having a father figure in my adolescence makes masculinity rather difficult for me to grasp.

[G-Snap]

I really think you are looking for some reason that you might feel like this because you can't wrap your head around the fact that maybe you were born gay or bi.....

 

I have known a ton of men who grew up without a father or male figure and they weren't gay. I've known gay men with wonderful fathers.

 

You just seem to be grasping for a 'reason' for this when maybe it is just the way you are hardwired. I've known a lot of mommy's boys even who grew up with mom and no males...they can be a bit more timid than some men but they weren't gay.

 

Of course no male role model can affect you, i'm just saying that usually except for some cases of sexual abuse sexuality and what sex we prefer tends to be hardwired.

[NaturalJ]

I see your point of view now, thank you.

 

It may be true.

 

I just firmly believe that I am this way because of my past though. It is too hard to tell though, I can't just rewind time and see what would of happened if these things didn't happen, or if I had a father figure present how would I of turned out.

[G-Snap]

I really think a better effort would be in embracing who you are, Natural J, because we all had things that occurred in childhood that could have affected how we turned out, or maybe it was our personality. We can't change the past, we can only work on the present and try to make a good future.

 

I think at this point you know you have these impulses. Chasing down why might not be as effective as looking at the here and now and how you will handle them.

[FathomFear]

I see your point of view now, thank you.

 

It may be true.

 

I just firmly believe that I am this way because of my past though. It is too hard to tell though, I can't just rewind time and see what would of happened if these things didn't happen, or if I had a father figure present how would I of turned out.

 

The idea that childhood experiences/trauma shape sexual preferences is a bit outdated and not really substantiated by studies. There's a long history of propaganda from conservative/religious people that non-heterosexual sexualities are the result of traumatic events as a child. It's there way of rationalizing it as they refuse to see it as normal or anything created by God, etc.

 

To say that your sexuality would have developed differently had you had a father in your life assumes that it is a learned behavior--ie, if you had more direct exposure to it you would have aquired it, too. There's really no science to back that up.

[Gimpeh]

Well of course it does.

 

Gay men are much less masculine. I don't know why that is but it's obvious from the way they walk, talk, move, etc.

 

It's like they act like women on purpose.

 

Generally speaking.

 

 

LOL!

 

I know how to work various lathes and milling machines, I love a good whiskey over ice, I go down to the range now and then and put some rounds through my .45ACP.

 

I also enjoy shopping, and am pretty quiet by nature. Fairly deep voice, too.

 

Oh yeh... I also would like to someday meet a guy and have a meaningful, passionate relationship, with a house, a pair of Alaskan Malamutes... the whole shibang. ;P

 

Oh, I also grew up in a Christian home, with both parents present. I know growing up, I felt equally loved, one wasn't overbering while the other distant. I just thought I'd throw that in, since somone pointed to the lack of a father figure as a possible cause for the attractions.

 

What i'm saying is, don't let a label on a small facet of the diamond that is "unique you" completely define who you are as a human being. Everyone is different!

 

To be honest, be fore I more or less came out and finally acknowledged my feelings, I was petrified of being gay becuase I thought that would automatically mean I would have to cross-dress, do drugs, sleep with every guy around me and die of AIDS before I hit 30.

 

Such is not the case, however.

 

/twocentsworth

 

Take care ^_^

[halfie]

The issue about not having a father figure whilst going through adolescence itself wouldn't be the sole reason for that someones sexual identity is what it is, however I do believe that it dose play a huge role in how ones sexual identity is developed then later perceived. The issue itself is much more complicated than that.

Another thing you have to acknowledge is Why NaturalJ and I are trying to tell you that not having a father figure whilst growing up can have a possible connection to anyone's sexuality. Mainstream ideas about Gay's or anything under that category can come into play here as people are inclined to think that instinctively or out of embarrassment that anyone would try to avoid the label of being Gay or to just accept their feelings.

Some people aren't like that, and are constantly self analyzing, not so they can justify their sexuality, or to avoid the truth of it, but to try and grasp a somewhat true perspective on it and to understand it without the worry of embarrassment or what a label would imply upon their own emotional feelings.

 

I get a feeling from your post's that you strongly believe that ones sexual preference is already decided before they are born. I'm not accusing but more so stating the fact that you also have to consider what is driving someone to say certain things and weather there is true optimism behind their words, or if they are one sided emotionally fueled words, thus being said, there is no scientific proof that ones sexual identity is already decided before they are born and there is no scientific proof that not having a father figure through adolescence contributes to the fact that someones sexual preference may have developed abnormally.

This issue to me, ultimately balances on an even keel.

[halfie]

Hey NaturalJ.

Just read your post and this is somewhat funny but what are the odds huh? I'm a smoker too and not just that, my father was an excessive drug user when he was young, abusing everything from pot to heroin ect.. I'm an ex-user and I'm easily addicted to alcohol as well. My health is in such a shocking state that my addiction with things and lack of self control kind of handles it self in that area as I know exactly where I'll end up and how I'll feel if I put a foot further into the mess.. Well it sounds like I wont be envying you anymore but hey, thanks in advance for/if you send over some of that information.

[bedrocks]

im straight, but i think all men are somewhat atracted to other men in some level even thou they can't admit it.

same with women....

 

No, in fact all men are NOT attracted to other men "on some level".

 

But YOU are, which means that you're bisexual.

[FathomFear]

I get a feeling from your post's that you strongly believe that ones sexual preference is already decided before they are born. I'm not accusing but more so stating the fact that you also have to consider what is driving someone to say certain things and weather there is true optimism behind their words, or if they are one sided emotionally fueled words, thus being said, there is no scientific proof that ones sexual identity is already decided before they are born and there is no scientific proof that not having a father figure through adolescence contributes to the fact that someones sexual preference may have developed abnormally.

This issue to me, ultimately balances on an even keel.

 

Well, the closest thing we have are twin studies really. If you look at twins--even when the individuals are raised in completely differnet households--the chance that both end up with the same sexuality is very high. Of course this is not conclusive, but it indicates that genetics plays some role.

 

Personally speaking, I don't really follow this debate as I think it's completely irrelevant. It doesn't really matter to me what "causes" homosexuality, bisexuality, or even heterosexuality. The fact of the matter is that there's nothing wrong with any of them. Even if they were all 100% choice, they would all be fine. That's the point I prefer to stress when this topic comes up. Nothing makes my stomach churn more than hearing "There's nothing wrong with being gay--it's not a choice!" I hate hearing someone spout this rationale because it gives the impression that something would be wrong with it even if it were a choice, which there isn't.

[NaturalJ]

You may think it isn't relevant, but scientists can prove that your personality derives from your genetics AND environment. Most branches of generalized psychology also agree on this.

[halfie]

Yes of course, I understand that.

Homosexuality or Bi-sexuality can be accepted normally by some people, but its simple as that some people simply just don't like it beyond choice, not even out of homophobia and curiosity just has a strong hold upon the individual. Like I said before I've been with a guy before and even though I can say that I somewhat sexual enjoyed it, I didn't at the same time.. That itself is unexplainable because I'm not homophobic but I still find homosexuality or Bi-sexuality just disgusting in general.

[FathomFear]

You may think it isn't relevant, but scientists can prove that your personality derives from your genetics AND environment. Most branches of generalized psychology also agree on this.

 

Sure, and they do that by trying to draw conclusion correlations between a particular upbringing and resulting traits. To my knowledge, however, there have not been any conclusive studies in that regard for human sexuality. That, combined with human twin studies and observable homosexuality in countless other species, leads me to believe that it's primarily a "naturally" occurring phenomenon.

 

If nothing else, I suspect the largest role society/upbringing plays is in determining to what extent (if any) you decide to embrace or reject the feelings you have. This can drastically change the trajectory of your life. I would say this is particularly true for bisexuals. Given that heterosexuality is "the norm" and expected by most people, anyone with the capacity to practice it does so. Even if they have an equal (or close to equal) capacity to be drawn to the same sex.

[FathomFear]

That itself is unexplainable because I'm not homophobic but I still find homosexuality or Bi-sexuality just disgusting in general.

 

Well what you describe isn't uncommon. I was never consciously homophobic either. When I was young and in my teenage years I would always stand up for minority rights (racial/sexual/etc) and my parents weren't homophobic either. But that still didn't prevent me from being deeply closeted until the age of 23. The prospect of being gay was just too scary for me on some level, and I suppressed the feelings for a very long time. Ultimately it's the difference between consciously being homophobic and having internalized homophobia. The latter is often a mechanism built around the fact that homosexuality exists in silence still, for the most part. When you grow up all the stories you read, the shows you see on TV, etc, all depict heterosexuality. It's practically the only thing you see. So fear builds up around the possibility of being different. It's this fear that usually causes kneejerk reaction of revulsion or disgust.

[lukeb]

That itself is unexplainable because I'm not homophobic but I still find homosexuality or Bi-sexuality just disgusting in general.

 

What do you think homophobia is? Do you wish you didn't find homosexuality disgusting?

[ceez]

I'm still a little confused natuaralj, are you concerned that you might be gay/bi because you're not very masculine caused by no father figure or because of your new attraction towards men. I really don't believe your personality has anything to do with your sexual orientation and the attraction towards the more macho masculine men might be because that's what you wanted to be or that's how you picture all straight men to be and because of that you think you might be bi/gay. honestly you two sound pretty straight to me but that's just my opinion.

[bedrocks]

That itself is unexplainable because I'm not homophobic but I still find homosexuality or Bi-sexuality just disgusting in general.

 

Thinking that homosexuality is disgusting just might qualify as homophobia.

 

The thought of two men together disgusts me, I find it to be extremely repulsive, however the thought of two women together gets me hard, and two women with ME (making them bisexual of course), almost makes me want to go jerk off or something.

 

Not sure what that qualifies as.