Sad tonight, any advice gratefully received

[amandathepanda]

I have already posted about this once but Im feeling pretty low tonight - just need to reach out again - My girls are with me and we have had a lovely evening but now they are in bed Im just feeling sad.

 

The background is - they dont live with me, but have lived primarily with their Dad for the last 3 years. They are 13 and 10. I lost my job, home and mind all at the same time and took 9 months to sort myself out, by which time they were safe and stable with him and I have spent the best part of the last few years getting back on track with a job and a flat have been enjoying really good regular contact with them.

 

Despite him having a couple of relationships in that time that have gone wrong despite involving the children, just lately he and I had got on much better which was good for the girls. I still struggle immensley for money, but am doing my best. Our marriage was pretty disatrous towards the end, I was not without my faults and mistakes, he practically ruined us financially several times over, so there are debtst still and its just been a mess.

 

4 months ago he met a woman online - and now he is moving in with her. Its imminent. He refuses to acknowledge to me that this is conceivably too soon but I feel constantly that he perceives that as I had no choice but to give up custody of the girls for their own safety and security, that I now have no rights as he made "all the sacrifices". He works from home and has his mum who helps him out, I have NO supportive family AT ALL. I do not have my lovely girls living with me, surely that is the ultimate sacrifice.

 

Anyway, long story short, he is moving with her to a town some distance away. She has a 10 year old son. She will be teaching in a new job, he will be working from home and taking care of the kids a lot of the time.

 

I am worried for my girls and scared that I am being more and more pushed out after everything we have already been through. I am scared that yet again THEY are having massive disruption to their lives when he could keep things the same for them AND have his new relationship. As nice as she is, can he know her after just a few months?

 

My girls and I talked about it tonight and they are making the best of things, the youngest sees it as exciting so I will do my best to encourage but my eldest seems sad and low and is not eating. She told me she thinks they havent been together long enough. I cannot go for custody - he will fight it and I cant put them through the battle, and I will lose anyway..

 

Sad tonight - friends have told me that he is putting on Facebook stuff about me being mad and toxic.

[DN]

I am sorry you are going through this worry but you really can't control what he does. As far as your girls are concerned you should be as supportive as you can be without criticising their Dad or his new girlfriend in any way. I know this must be hard but their best interests really do require this from you.

 

And remember that they love you and it is highly unlikely they will want you out of their lives at their ages.

[amandathepanda]

I am sorry you are going through this worry but you really can't control what he does. As far as your girls are concerned you should be as supportive as you can be without criticising their Dad or his new girlfriend in any way. I know this must be hard but their best interests really do require this from you.

 

And remember that they love you and it is highly unlikely they will want you out of their lives at their ages.

 

I have never and would never criticise - at all. I have spoken to him and given him my opinion, of course...but as far as the girls are concerned I will smile and tell them that its OK. I have ALWAYS had their best interests at heart, which is why, when I lost my job and my home, rather than drag them through the mire with me, I entrusted them to the care of their father whilst I sorted myself out. I had NO choices.

 

Their best interests does not lie in removing them from friends, family, schools etc - in my opinion. They have had enough disruption in their lives, and if he had known her for a few years I might feel a little more secure.