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Depression Phase of Grief


_Asti_

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Its been just over 3 months since my Mother passed, and this deep profound sadness is settling in within me. I think its definitely safe to say that its a depression phase of the grief.

 

Its been about two weeks of crying, restless sleep, can't muster up the energy to get out of bed today, I've developped intense fear of abandomnent and feel loneliness in ways I've never felt, lack of motivation, drive, etc.

 

Everything I've read said like all the other phases, it will pass if you work through it. I'm trying, I eat well, lots of water, exercise, vitamins, I talk openly about it...but I'm just so exhausted in every way possible.

 

I was late for work today by about 45 minutes because I just sat on the floor in my closet crying and just couldn't bring myself to get ready.

 

*sigh*

 

What are your experiences?

 

I read that if it persists more than 90 days to seek help, and that just makes me go I can't go three months of this. It's been two weeks and its getting significantly worse, and I am working harder to try and manage my days but it just leaves me even more exhausted.

 

I am definitely struggling with this. I find hearing similar stories to be very comforting, so I guess thats why I am here. Just wanting to know that I am not alone.

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I think 90 days is definitely conservative! I think the grief stage lasts much longer for some people. There are so many variables, the depth of the relationship,the emotional intensity of the person grieving.I know about my baby it was definitely MUCH longer than 90 days. I think the depressed phase lasted about 2 YEARS. I am SO sorry. I know it is hard and it is hard to comprehend it now, but it will and does get better and you DO find a peace in your heart. BIG hug to you.

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I guess that obviously makes sense. When it comes down to it..90 days certainly does sound better than 2 years!

 

I do have a dr's appointement in April for unrelated issues, but I will be bringing it up to just see what he has to say.

 

I just feel so selfish. I am in such a good spot in my life with so much to be happy about, so much to enjoy, and I can't.

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I guess that obviously makes sense. When it comes down to it..90 days certainly does sound better than 2 years!

 

I do have a dr's appointement in April for unrelated issues, but I will be bringing it up to just see what he has to say.

 

I just feel so selfish. I am in such a good spot in my life with so much to be happy about, so much to enjoy, and I can't.

 

It is NOT selfish to grieve, if you do not grieve you end up with severe issues later. Take your time, really.

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I meant, its selfish because I don't WANT to grieve I don't even know if that makes sense. I just want to get on with my life, as heartless as that sounds..I just want to enjoy it.

 

Ohhh yes, I DO understand. I really, do, however grieving is entirely necessary to make peace with your loss. If you do not make peace with it you wont have that great life you want and deserve and what your mother wanted you to have. I am afraid there is no way around grief, the only way is through it.

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I hear you. I am right behind you. I have feelings of disbelief, anger, sadness. It's a roller coaster.

 

Sometimes I think my mom might come home. Or when the phone rings, it might be her. I know logically that won't happen. Do you have those feelings?

 

I'm beyond that. I did have those feelings shortly after she passed, just feelings that this wasn't real. That I would go home and she'd be there sort of thing. In alot of ways I felt in extreme denial like it wasn't real...but this is just..totally different.

Its knowing that I will never hear from her again, see her again, get a hug from her again, a present from her, advice from her, etc that gets to me. I am hitting this point where I miss her and its about time I see her again..and the reality that it won't ever happen again just brings me down.

 

Its a giant hole within me swallowing me whole. I am falling into the hole of loss. Theres no anger, no frustration, no denial..just reality. Its like total devastation.

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