He cheated

[nanana]

He dumped me 2 weeks ago, said he just doesn't want a relationship anymore. Read my other thread for details!

 

We've been in LC ever since, I've been still keeping in touch as I've been looking for support as my dad struggles in hospital.

 

I tried calling him earlier for the first time in a week, he never answered. Ignored me. Found out later today that he was in fact cheating on me before we broke up. Not having relationships with other girls, just hooking up. Probably for the whole time we've been together.

 

He doesn't know I know this but is ignoring me despite knowing there's a possibility my dad won't make it...

 

I feel devastated. I feel used and disposed of and absolutely heartbroken. It's a friday night, I'm home alone, and he'll be out with all these girls.

 

I'm not coping at all, I actually miss this HORRIBLE person. But I know I can never speak to him again. How on earth do you just stop speaking to someone you love? He seems to find it easy enough, but how do I do it? I'm finding it impossible and I feel pathetic...

[Kalika]

omg honey I'm so sorry this is happening to you, all of it. First off though, how did you find out he was cheating on you the whole time ??

[nanana]

Throughout our entire relationship he wouldn't let me add him as a friend on facebook because he said it causes 'unnecessary problems'. A little bit of browsing online through a photo album his friend put up and there's photographic evidence. Not a nice way to find out.

 

He's finding this break-up so easy. Now I know why! It's like I wasted 2 and a half years on someone who never cared at all. Yet I STILL love him. He's my first love, so it's hard imagining getting over this. Logically I know I will but I just can't imagine being happy again right now...

 

How do I cut contact? Somebody please give me advice on how to be strong?!

[nanana]

I feel like he's not even got real human feelings, it's like he's actually heartless! He can't even just say 'how is your dad?'!!!! It's insane, I didn't think people we capable of being this cold and detached!

[DanDee]

Wow, he does sound absolutely vile. And what an awful way to find out.

 

Think of it in the sense that now you're finally rid of this jerk and free to find someone who absolutely adores you and asks about important things like your dad's health. Pity the other girl(s) he's with because no doubt he treats them or will treat them the same way.

 

You're FREEEEEE!

 

But please don't contact him again.

[nanana]

I admit I did send him an angry text when he ignored my calls about how my dad had taken a bad turn, and I didn't realise people were capable of shutting their feelings off after 2 weeks and that I thought what he had was more special than that. This was sent BEFORE I found out he was a cheat.

 

I probably just come off as a psycho. It's amazing how heartbreak can turn a girl crazy, he's probably laughing at me and thrilled he dumped me now. Ouch.

 

Was the text a big mistake? Or does he deserve it?

[mikem]

These types are horrible! I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. Facebook seems to be the place to 'find out stuff'. Had a somewhat similar situation. The feeling of betrayal is aweful.

 

Thank God you found out sooner rather then later. Imagine being married to this clown!

[nanana]

I know. The sad thing is, a weird twisted part of me wishes I'd never found out, we'd never broken up, and that he was giving me a hug right now. I wish someone had told me relationships were so hard, I'd never have bothered!

[petite]

This man is trash and you NEED to move on. He has no respect for you or your father. His actions speak louder than words and you don't need any proof that he is cheating or not cheating. He has shown what kind of a person he is regardless, his infidelity is just the cherry on top.

 

Stop contacting him trust me it will be the best decision you make. It's can be tough but you will make it and you will be stronger for it.

 

If you keep contacting him all you are doing is showing you still care, desperation, neediness and why would you want to show him that?

 

I know exactly how you feel but think of it this way " this is just a big road bump" until you come to a nice new clean road and driving is smooth.

 

I know it hurts, I understand it's the last thing you want anyone to tell you but It will get better and you will stop missing him. It will get even harder and then it will start to get better day by day.

[nanana]

I know, it's just difficult realising someone you cared for so much doesn't care about you even a fraction of the amount. Anyone else would've have called to check their ex's dad was ok if they still loved the person, right? Or am I expecting too much?

 

I just think if I were in his position I'd WANT to know that everything was ok.

[DanDee]

I think the text was well deserved. But I have a feeling he wasn't offended or hurt by it. But who cares what he thinks anymore?

 

He's a person who only cares about himself.

 

I understand what you're going through must be awful right now. Someone you trusted and thought loved you ended up betraying you in this way but please understand that you got off very lightly -- you found out sooner rather than later.

 

The best thing you can do it not contact him. Not even a text message. Realise that none of his behaviour was your fault - he was just a 'rotten apple' who did a fantastic job of disguising his behaviour. Keep yourself busy and know that you will feel the same way (even more) about a good guy in the future.

[1guygirl]

youre not expecting too much...but expecting him to live up to your expectations is too much.

 

he will always be a frog, and never your prince...you have been blessed to be out of this. hugs to you xx

[petite]

I know, it's just difficult realising someone you cared for so much doesn't care about you even a fraction of the amount. Anyone else would've have called to check their ex's dad was ok if they still loved the person, right? Or am I expecting too much?

 

I just think if I were in his position I'd WANT to know that everything was ok.

 

You would be surprised how many people actually wouldn't make the call.

 

He broke up with you and with all due respect he owes nothing to your family.

 

I used to think the guy I was with owed me a lot and should be there no matter what good or bad. I was wrong, and it takes a lot to admit this.

 

It's the wrong way of thinking. He is not your friend (maybe one day he will be) but for now you are people who dated and he dumped you, so naturally he will not contact you. I know you feel like he should, and if he was a decent person he would, but he feels it's probably best not to and he is looking after himself. Which in the end you need to do also. Look after YOU and your family.

[FrenchFries]

I know, it's just difficult realising someone you cared for so much doesn't care about you even a fraction of the amount. Anyone else would've have called to check their ex's dad was ok if they still loved the person, right? Or am I expecting too much?

 

I just think if I were in his position I'd WANT to know that everything was ok.

 

This type of behavior sounds eerily similar to my ex. He was a cold, heartless, ruthless person who after being together for 3+ years clearly never truly loved me. He did a lot of hooking up throughout the relationship too all while telling me he loved me. I had little idea until shortly after we separated and he decided to call me up and tell me about his activities. What made it easier to NC was the fact that he was a liar and a loser who played me all those years. That ought to help you cut ties. It still took a lot of time to recover from the pain and I didn't just instantly stop loving him, but I sure did cut him off completely.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this. I know EXACTLY how this feels.

[FrenchFries]

Oh and no need to text him about how you're feeling, how your dad is doing or to even chastise his selfish behavior - these types don't care. Don't waste your time/energy.

 

I'm sorry about the problems with your father as well.

[prada]

firstly, im sorry to hear about your dad. But i can tell you that YOU are in good hands since u are looking for support on this site. I have been exactly where you are. In love like a fool and i got cheated on and left for someone else. And trust me, please trsut me when i tell you.. DO NOT CONTACT HIM! for no reason. He no longer cares about anything.. he only care about himself. just leave him let him be. you are definitely better of without and you dont need his support or shoulder for your fathers situation. Dont text call email.. nothing. forget him. do things to occupy urself. spend time with family etc,. join gym take some class do something. and you will get over it. you have to! why waste ur time behind someone who dont do it for u. believe me its hurts but time does heal all...........! and dont contact him.

[nanana]

I'm regretting sending that text about my dad already. Do you think it would have seemed manipulative? I'd been in 5 days NC before I tried calling him yesterday, but I was so frustrated that he could stop caring about me and my dad's situation so quickly! I wish I hadn't made that comment about how I thought what we had was more special than that...

[prada]

Dont bother with the text anymore. whats done is done. dont beat yourself up over it. dont call him again. leave things as it is. Leave him lets see if he cares. if not, jus forget about him and move on and concentrate on your life and your dad etc. DO NOT CONTACT HIM! its for your own good

[jimmajam]

Don't look for support from him! Take comfort in your family. You have way bigger issues than some idiot who doesn't care enough to be committed and respect you. Focus on your family right now - they need you just as much as you need them. Forget about this guy and focus on the important things. When you get some free time revisit it and see how you feel about him.