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stayed at his house. the pain starts all over


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Its been 7 months since he broke up with me. He has serious issues with his ex before me. She moved on and he can't seem to. He started texting me again this week. Casual. Started feeling like old times. I haven't seen or spoke to him since the breakup. Only text. We ended up meeting up for st patty's day. I stayed over at his house. We talked all night. He told me he thinks about me all the time. How terrible he felt after the breakup because he let such a great girl. Said he's never had one bad thing to say about me. But his ex screwed him up. He can't get past that. I told him I wanted to help him move on.

 

The next day I text to see if we were going to talk about it. He said he thinks its best for me if we just stay friends. I feel like I've hit rock bottom again. This feels exactly like the hurt and pain I experienced after the first breakup. I'm perfect for him. I believe that with all my heart. But he won't give me a chance. And it hurts so bad right now. I don't know what to do.

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I feel your pain. Mine let me go when he got too close. His mom passed away about 6 weeks later and he reached out to me and I answered. We got back together for about 3 months but about 3 weeks in when he started to get close (right after he texted me that he thought he loved me) he started going distant. He let me go again right before Thanksgiving. The attraction and desire is there but he got divorced and lost both of his parents in the span of 2.5 years. He had told me I was the best thing that ever happened to him. He told me I was amazing. But he let me go 2x. Now he is distant, cold, and sometimes disrespectful. It hurts like hell. But I can't keep going through this. Friendship isn't possible because although he reacted due to his fears or lack of being healed from all his losses, my feelings never changed. To try again would just be putting myself through torture. He has to work through his pain and healing. It just wasn't the right place or right time for us. While it hurts, I have to take care of myself and not subject myself to more hurt and anguish.

 

You need to consider letting go and not going back. When you go back it just gives you hope or a false sense of security. Unless they have worked on themselves, the cycle will just repeat. It holds you back from your healing from the loss of your love and keeps you from moving forward to a better place. You can look at it as getting to a point in time where you are better and know what you have learned from the relationship and/or process. If he comes back then and has shown you that he has worked on himself - and you are still interested but more careful with your heart and waiting for the evidence of the changes he has made, perhaps there is a chance. If he comes back and you are not interested, friendship may be possible for you but impossible for him (if he comes back interested in trying again). If he comes back and neither of you are in a place to get back together but want to stay connected, only then is friendship possible. It takes a lot of time to get there. I have done it. While I am not very close with any one of my ex's, I do have contact with them from time to time and it is like talking to an old friend. It is enjoyable and you have appreciation for it.

 

Anything can happen but nothing worth investing can happen until the healing has taken place for yourself. I empathize with where you are at. It feels terrible. I wish you all the best.....

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I am really sorry you are feeling all the emotional pain all over again. People are confused and sometimes allow thereemotions to rule there actions. We all can be very selfish at times and want with no regard for others feelings, or how it will effect them.

 

He may have thought he wanted to possibly come back but after meeting changed his mind. I do not know for sure, but that would explain some of it.

 

It is time for you to move on maybe and start healing yourself. He needs to be out of your life if this is how he is going to act.

 

I wish you the best. We are all on this journey together.

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