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Do feeling for your past crushes go away?


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I have an interesting question. So, I'm dating this guy who liked/had a big crush on a girl he knows. This girl moved away before I met him but he was not over her when I met him. They never dated but went out a few times. He really liked her but she had a boyfriend so they just hung out as friends. He continued to hang out with her in hopes that she would break up with her boyfriend and go out with him. This did not happen. When he met me we instantly liked each other. I am the first relationship he has ever had and he tells me that I'm the only person he has ever loved. Now his contact with this other girl is limited to an occasional email or a phone call on a birthday. They haven't seen each other in over 8 months. We've been together for 7 months. I asked him if he still liked her after a couple of months of us dating and he said yes, but that those feelings were fading and he loved me and wanted to be with me. He also said he doesn't look at her the same way anymore now that he's with me. He said if we ever broke up he would go out with her if she wanted to, but if he had to chose between the two of us he would chose me. He says his feelings for her have been weakening with time and will most likely continue to do so. But he is not completely over her yet. My questions are:


1. Do feelings for past crushes/lovers, etc. go away with time after you have met someone you like more?


2. Do those feelings come back if you see that person again or talk to them more frequently?





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Within my experience ...


You may have had a crush on someone, but when you're in a real relationship the fantasy person fades away with time. More and more so every day, especially as the feelings for your actual, real-life, on-the-ground partner get stronger and stronger.


No, the feelings don't necessarily come back. I had the mother of all crushes on a guy a few years back, and though I've seen him recently - and he genuinely is a very, very nice fella - the heart-pounding, gut-wrenching stuff isn't there any more.


I've also had the experience of not really being over one relationship before starting another one; and the new partner being so jealous and threatened by the old one that it was just prudent not to make any contact at all (but still feeling something for the ex).


Because any contact was totally out of the question - it ironically kept the spark alive because it was all in fantasy land. About ten years later, I met the ex again. Within a split second of meeting him, all the romantic fantasy stuff evaporated. Nice guy, yes, but I quickly remembered why I'd left the relationship in the first place ...

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They defineteley go away, strong as they might seem at the time...


Haha, in fact, some of my early posts on this forum compared with now probably show that quite well. (also i should point out i haven't actually used the forum consecutiveley for 5 years

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