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Good girlfriend or Territorial??


Muddled_777

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Before I started going out with my boyfriend, he was very good friends with one of my best gal pals.

Well, thats how we met too.

 

The months have gone by (7 now) and we're all still close. Lately the green-eyed monster has been turning up though.

I want help to beat down this monster.

 

My gal pal has always confided in my boyfriend with her depression problems. She'll call him when she's very upset and he listens.

This in itself has always been a sore spot. She will talk to him and only him of these problems. Why my guy? I always ask.

He's a wonderful guy...

 

And she still calls him up for alone hangouts...like walks and mall meetings.

He has turned them down or brought me for these requests, knowing its a dangerous thing for a taken man to go on his own.

 

In all this though, she DOES have her own boyfriend.

Hes a very nice and thoughtful guy, but they've never really gotten close in the 9 months they have been together.

 

She's breaking it off next time they meet and now it feels the one wall she had between my boyfriend and her will soon be gone.

After she's done the dump I know she'll be crying on my guys shoulder.

 

HELP

I don't think I can watch this anymore.

Ive not said anything because I feel like a * * * * * being all territorial.

They were friends before I knew him after all.

And i don't want to ruin this friendship.

 

I really can't stand another girl always calling him and talking to him and hugging him and telling him personal things....

It really makes me feel like i'm sharing him.

 

Do I mention anything to him? Do I tell her to back off a bit?

Or do I simply let it go as it is? :S

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Sweetheart, don't take this the wrong way, but she was there first. Now I'm not saying that to suggest you have any less right to be bothered by it, but that you came into the relationship with him knowing how close they were, so this something you maybe should have expected earlier. I think what you need to do is sit down with yourself, dig down, and really analyze what specifically bothers you about their relationship. Not the big picture you aren't the only woman your man is emotionally invested in, but the detail of what specific parts of their relationship bring up these feelings for you. You may just find out that when you identify these emotional triggers, they're small and trivial, and not worth getting worked up over. Judging by the things you posted that you said were bothering you though, I want you to ask yourself something, and answer it 100% honestly. You don't have to post it, just answer it to yourself. Would you feel this jealous of a close male friend? Or a child? Female family member? Or is it that deep down you don't trust him and are afraid of being cheated on or that he'll leave you for her? If so then THAT is the issue you need to talk to him about.

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Yes...yes I agree... the whole fact she's a female does make it more so weird for me i'll admit.

 

The one big factor is though this absolute dependency on him is rather new.

Before she would talk to my guy, there was another man

He is out of the picture at the moment soooo... that leaves it where it is now.

 

Before we started dating my friend did not call him nearly as much or even spend time outside school with him.

And the other day was even going on about how he had a giant crush on her a while ago.

I just keep wondering what the sudden interest for her is.

 

Another...rather long story is how she will not talk to me or any of my other girlfriends of her problems.

We have known he for a good 3 or 4 years and our group is close. Or so I think.

She didn't even get to know my guy till last year.

 

Also he has a history of women telling him their woes and crying on their shoulder thats got me a little frustrated at this point.

hence, the whole venting on ENA thing.

 

Sigh... but I think ill just suck it up.

She was indeed there first.

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