dont know what to say...

[CntJstSitArond]

I feel like I'm stuck in life and can't grow up...I'm 23 years old, I've never had a job and am afraid of getting one. I'm afraid of social interactions. I am quiet, I never have anything to say or know what to say at any given time. Sometimes people say something to me with a smile and expect a fast witty reply, now I don't smile back, I just keep quiet because I've already given up at this point. I'm laughable, I get laughed at, people cracking up for apparently no reason, but it's because I'm such a dud, it's happened so many times over the years I just know. Nothing I say is witty or funny enough to keep a conversation going. I'm just so boring...I've been told that before. These things hurt. I've changed though after all these years, from shy/quiet to more just quiet and angry or depressed sometimes, I've become cold to cover up the shy, but I guess people can still tell. I am 23, and I already have those anger wrinkles marks or whatever above my eyebrows. I have no friends, the only people I talk to are some family members. Some I ignore, like the cousins my age, because I have nothing to say to them. They are all going somewhere in life, I just sit at home stuck, playing video games I'm bored of. I still buy video games (a few weeks ago, I bought a xbxo 360) hoping it'll make me "happier" or just keep me occupied. I say hi to my aunts and uncles, grandparents, etc., nothing much to say to them. And I guess the only person that cheers me up once in a while is my little cousin that lives next door. She comes over to play my video games in the weekends sometimes, if it weren't for that, she wouldn't, I can't keep a conversation going with anyone even kids. The thing is though, she tells me that I'm on the bottom of her list of favorite cousins and I'll always be there. I remember one time, she said to me "you're ugly" then added "just kidding" right away to retract her mistake, but when people do that, you know they mean it but accidentally let it slip. Tonight, I was with my bro and she just says straight up that she really likes him more than me, didn't even try to hide it. And every time he is around, he always trys to make me look bad and make her dislike me more and make himself look like such a nice helpful older cousin. Being alone so long, I'm used to it most the time with mild depression here and there, but times like these just makes me want to cry... I'm a grown ass man and I'm gonna cry over this...I've spent most of my life without a friend and I just know the rest of my life is going to be the same...this is the reason why I can't move on with my life, I just know it. I don't want to go through the rest of my life alone but I can't see a way out...

[Shmiley_Phace]

first step is a job. seriously. beyond that i can't help you, because im the same...truly, i only post where i can relate or help so im not bull * * * * ting. although i have a job, and i know ill get somewhere, maybe not anywhere special, im just horrible with people and can imagine myself being shunned my whole life. there's just nothing appealing about me really, and i lack passion for any subject. but what i can tell you is that its about damn time you get a job, it was really nerve-wracking for me to but thats the whole point, you keep trying to protect yourself from situations that totally put you out there and vulnerable, and ur under the illusion that you lose something when it happens but its the opposite! if u put urself out there, u won't regret it, youll know uve tried n done what u could and that feeling will overwhelm your nerves. after it, youll say "i cant believe i was scared of that".

 

and getting the job task done first is important, becuase it focuses on you, your nervousness, etc. at work you wont find people so intimidating (yes im getting that impression from you as well).

 

and also, to people like you and i, we might feel like we've already put ourselves out there and its been fruitless. but its a complete misconception on our behalf. because even one of the scariest steps forward for us may seem like nothing to a more social/"brave" person. they won;t see how far we have to go to push it. so honestly. this means youve not really tried, as much as you like to think otherwise. because in these cases, its what OTHER PEOPLE THINK is what matters. we can move mountains in our minds but it doesn't shift a grain of sand in the real world.

 

i just took a guess though from what you've wrote, so if ive misunderstood it, my bad.

[YakasJourney]

Hey man, I've been there before and trust me, it isn't anything inherently wrong with you. If you put some effort into improving yourself, getting a job, pursuing hobbies, suddenly you will find that you have tons to talk about with people. Anyone who calls you boring or ugly is a complete idiot and you should ignore them. Every person is beautiful and it has nothing to do with physical attractiveness or verbal prowess. Just work on yourself and improving your life, try to ignore the toxic people in your life, and things will get better, trust me.

[volvic]

I had a lot of trouble when i was younger with social situations. my brother, my complete opposite, told me the secret is to not care and try so hard. By caring and worrying problems happen. This advice is really hard for me to follow when I get nervous. Been there with the cousin stuff. My brother used to like to make me look bad. Look, your cousin is little, she is either going to start seeing what a jerk your brother is or she is not. And if she is not she is not worth spending time and effort wanting her to like you. I learned this the hard way. They were laughing at me a lot and really bashing me behind my back. My other brother (not the one who was being a jerk) was really angry at them because of what he heard them say and still has no respect for them. I agree with the other posts, job is very important. But also try something fun

If I had time I would really like to do improv (which really helps with the social anxiety issue. The people are often really friendly, and its great for practicing being social in a safe and nonjudgemental environment). Check for classes locally! If possible I'd go with keith johnstone, their way of teaching is the kindest and most fun.

 

Another great way to have fun is to join martial arts. If I had time and a car I would go to this wushu school near the city. Wushu is amazing, its a performing martial arts, it is very graceful and beautiful (think house of flying daggers). It is the martial art jet li has his base in. Very flashy and pretty. You can learn basic non weapon forms so its like karate, and you can learn to use a spear or a few different kinds of swords, lots of other weapons too including a chainwhip, its really really cool. And it will the get girls really interested in you. It gets you into amazing shape and you will be surprised what your body can actually do. It's made specially for graceful coolness (its made for showing off

If you do that then you will meet a lot of cool people, go to tournaments (i am 22 and i'm still very beginner level but i have been able to go to tournaments and my peers have competed (alas i was out of town the week i could compete). If you join a wushu school you could turn your xbox on and be all like "I can do that". I recently bought an xbox too and I like to say that

 

 

 

[volvic]

Oh, i realized i don't know if you are a boy or a girl.If you do wushu and you are a girl it can be attractive too. although then you might have to be wary of the guys who are really into the martial arts scene ;P

[CntJstSitArond]

I'm really thinking of just shutting her out of my life and just be even lonelier. I've packed up the wii that she plays and will tell her never to bother me again. My brother, the one that makes me look bad around her. My family thinks a lot more highly of him than they do of me. He's more talkative, but he doesn't think much, he tried to talk to me today being his happy normal self, I didn't want anything to do with him. I shut him off and didn't talk to him too for around 2 years. I feel like doing that again... everyone seems to like him and think there's nothing wrong with him, but when it comes to me, he treats me differently, he doesn't notice this I'm thinking, but at a subconscious level he looks down on me and acts on it without knowing. I just pretend to "get along" with him now, but I really hate him. It seems the only connections I have are just fake ones...

 

People never tell me anything. Like one of my other cousins my age. He acts nice around me, but never tells me anything about his social life. He tells my brother he works at a shoe store and helps him get discounts and pretends I have no clue about it and other things. I'm either ignored or ignoring others because I don't like the way they treat me.

 

I did make one friend though in college a couple years ago. He did most the talking and was funny. He talked to me about guy stuff, getting laid, partying,etc. Through him, I learned that I knew nothing about having a friend, and I had lots of trust issues. He wasn't really into going to college and cut class a lot. At the beginning, when he asked me to do things like help him take notes or w/e small thing, I immediately thought that he was just using me to do these things, I'm being taken advantage of. So, I didn't do a lot of the things he asked, but for some reason, he didn't just start ignoring me. We hung out sometimes after class, just to get something to eat. He picked the places, cuz I'm a hermit and don't know any good places to eat at all. But all we did was that though cuz I didn't know what else to do... it didn't matter how much it cost each time, We took turns paying the bills. At first, I thought it was gay... Then he invited me a party or to go snowboarding or someplace else, and each time, I had some very lame excuse to not go. I was afraid... and now we don't talk or hang out... this whole process just showed me what little I know about getting along with people. I'm always either pushing someone away or am getting pushed away...

[volvic]

I wouldn't go so far as to push her out of your life. That usually doesnt work out so well ( at least in my experience). Ignoring them is actually an aggressive and angry move. It only made me feel bad about myself and made me look bad to others. The key to feeling better ( at least for me) is to not care about it, not be angry about it. If they are treating me badly it is their problem not mine. They are having issues. People who are really confident dont have those issues and dont try to make other people feel bad about themselves. The ones who do feel they need an ego boost and thus try to make themselves feel better off of other people. It is there problem and does not reflect on who you are. It just reflects on who they are. With your cousin i suggest that if you are really not comfortable letting her use your things you should tell her in a nice and sincerely friendly way. It is better to be polite and friendly and open instead of angry and rude, I feel that i am just as bad as the other person if I am rude back to them. It is better to be polite and courteous and just let them go their own way, and you go yours.

[YakasJourney]

I did make one friend though in college a couple years ago.

Think about this man. You had an opportunity to make friends and you let fear hold you back. That shows that people ARE interested in being your friend, you just have to be open to it. Be happy because you know, it's something inside you that you can fix. Don't worry man, you'll be good. Trust me.

[CntJstSitArond]

"it is their problem not mine." - The thing about this though when it comes to my brother, no one in the family sees that he has a problem because he only treats me this way. Others like him more than me. When I ignored him before, it did make me look bad, but I don't want to deal with him. And since the family got along with him better, it just gave me another reason not to try to talk to them. I just see my whole life as a failure...

 

"People who are really confident dont have those issues and dont try to make other people feel bad about themselves." - This weekend she came to my room, I just told her she's the worst cousin ever and to go away, I just said that in a depressed voice, not angry or anything... I also put away the wii though and told her that. I've been thinking though, maybe this is my fault. I've been pushing people away for a long time now, usually I do this purposely and knowingly. I tease her too much maybe and never really do anything nice to her... I call her a name she doesn't really like... It really isn't that bad though, but she doesn't like it. I guess I just want some attention, but every time I act like I don't want to be around her almost and poke fun at her and walk away. She used to say I was her favorite cousin... maybe it was just the games though, I dunno. Now she says I'm the worst, though she still talks to me kind of. She doesn't give me much attention anymore, but I see her talking to my bro more. She just ignores me til I say something to her, but I don't have much to say, so I tease... She always seems happier to see my bro though. He definitely has more things to say to people than I do... I hate that cause I hate him... I guess I'm still slowly learning from my mistakes, if not still repeating them... I just messaged my friend on facebook...my only friend on there and in real life, sad... I just want some attention... I don't want to be alone... thing is though, I blew him off too many times before the we just stopped talking... he asks me to hang out, just with him, not even a party. I say sure, then when the time comes, I give him a lame ass excuse why I can't or don't want to go...

[Kratta]

I wouldn't go so far as to push her out of your life. That usually doesnt work out so well ( at least in my experience). Ignoring them is actually an aggressive and angry move. It only made me feel bad about myself and made me look bad to others. The key to feeling better ( at least for me) is to not care about it, not be angry about it. If they are treating me badly it is their problem not mine. They are having issues. [...].

 

Just keep in mind not to deny your anger, or any other emotion for that matter. I tried to convince myself I didn't care about alot of things for several years, it made me a wreck who had no idea whatsoever how to deal all the bottled up anger I had.

 

-

 

I think the best thing you can do for now is to get out and explore, what interests you, what do you wanna do? Make sure you live for your own sake.

Try not to be to dependent on how others people are towards you. If you feel bad because no one spoke to you today, go and speak to someone, take command. Not saying it is easy to do just like that, but once you realize you're in charge of your life, you will really be able to enjoy it.

[CntJstSitArond]

I guess I've just been down so long now it shows up in my face. I don't look or sound alive anymore. Mentally, I've just given up...

 

How do I deal with keeping anger bottled up? I have lots of anger towards my bro and some towards my parents for the way they raised me. We never talk about our feelings though, I've only learned how to cuss them out and cut them out of my life. They just don't understand because their viewpoint is so different and narrow.

 

I just don't know how I'm going to find my interest now. I honestly don't like the idea of having to work for the rest of my life... I think now I'm just almost unable to show interest in almost anything. The past few years, I remember going to watch some movies at the theaters. I remember the first time it happened when a funny part came up and everyone started cracking one and I just sat there thinking something like ;was it really that funny". I just remember that I didn't laugh and was wondering why. I felt I lost my sense of humor, though I did laugh at a few funny parts. I'm pretty sure my depression comes off to people in the way I look and also in my voice.

In life, I just feel like there's this force or momentum where the happier you are, the more happy you will be and same for sadness or depression. It's easier to smile and have fun and people are more attracted to you. When you are depressed and look that way, people don't smile when they see you and it's hard to pick yourself up the further down the road of depression you are, and I feel I'm close to the end of that road...