Attracted to a shy guy possibly? [advice]

[aurevoir]

But he doesn't seem "socially inept" Maybe i am just judging him on his looks.

I don't know, call me a little shallow, but I find it really hard to think this guy is shy, it's like not even a reality to me because he is extremely attractive, I am surprised other girls haven't paid him any attention. Seems like I am the only one.

 

Gay guys and shy guys. LOL I won't lie it crosses my mind. Especially when I get all nice and extra pretty and the so called shy guy is barely paying attention to me? Only thing he can do is stare at me, and look away and he catches me looking back. It's heartbreaking LOL, but now that you guys are giving me advice i believe you.

He is not gay, just shy and he def has the hots for me.

[aurevoir]

Noy everyone thinks shy guys are gay - it just seems that a lot of women who aren't making headway with a guy or who are rejected outright assume he must be gay without considering other possibilities.

Hm this has only happened once, where i assumed for a minute he was gay, happened only once. And it was with him.

 

I don't mean to be rude, its not like I blatantly yell "HEY ARE YOU GAY? BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT ACTING LIKE YOU'RE INTO ME"

 

It was all in my head hahaha.

[Pokemon]

But he doesn't seem "socially inept" Maybe i am just judging him on his looks.

I don't know, call me a little shallow, but I find it really hard to think this guy is shy, it's like not even a reality to me because he is extremely attractive, I am surprised other girls haven't paid him any attention. Seems like I am the only one.

 

Gay guys and shy guys. LOL I won't lie it crosses my mind. Especially when I get all nice and extra pretty and the so called shy guy is barely paying attention to me? Only thing he can do is stare at me, and look away and he catches me looking back. It's heartbreaking LOL, but now that you guys are giving me advice i believe you.

He is not gay, just shy and he def has the hots for me.

 

he sounds just like me. im not gay but i do like looking at girls when they are not looking at me, but as soon as they look in my direction or look at me i usually look away. i cant manage to keep the eye contact. girls use to come up to me in class during high school and say hi and try to talk to me, but i was pretty shy and didnt say anything more than hi back. i would get really nervous and start sweating and sometimes blushing.

 

im still quite shy but i want to get more confident around people, especially girls who i have had little experience talking to.

[aurevoir]

Do you talk to girls?

[aurevoir]

Okay so.....

 

UPDATE

 

i seen him today (at least i think)

he's still avoiding me. He was sitting on the other side of the room

 

 

 

I am sorry, this is just very discouraging.....

[givinggirl]

i am a shy guy and find it hard to talk to people and make eye contact. sometimes when i see someone i know but not really friends with them i just pretend not to see them sometimes, or wait for them to say hi to me. its not like i dont want to say hi its just i am shy and quite, and im just scared if i say hi and they dont hear me or dont see me. i know it may sound silly but thats what i do. when i get to know people i can talk to them and say hi, but if they are with a bunch of friends i feel kinda scared to interrupt them, so i pretend not to see them.

 

i dont know if your friend is the same as me but he could have similar issues

 

I can totally relate to this...I do the same thing.

[givinggirl]

Thankyou for sharing this. Its helpful, but we are not friends. At least not yet.

I am sure we have acknowledged each other, since we have come into contact several times for months. He knows who I am, and I know who is.

But i can't understand his behavior sometimes, that is why I came here to gather some well advice from the only people that know themselves - shy guys - I have nothing and absolutely nothing against guys. Or shy guys in general. I find them them the most intriguing. I want to get to know them, but as always, your behavior gives off the vibe that you do not want me around yet deep down inside you do.

 

You have hit the nail on the head. What shy guys want, how shy guys act and what shy guys say is usually contradictory. Just remember, actions speak louder than words, especially for shy people. Shy people will deny things, say things that aren't necessarily true, just to get out of feeling uncomfortable or if they are put on the spot. It's not that they are liars, they aren't intending to be dishonest, it's just their nerves take over and it's a coping mechanism of sorts. Usually, you can feel their tension, so you will know when it's happening. Trust your instincts.

[givinggirl]

Hahaha it is? Everyone thinks shy guys are gay? Well it's my first assumption..

for awhile like in the beginning and then slowly, that idea went away just by what he was giving away and his behavior.

 

The shy guy I'm interested in has been thought to be gay by many...he's constantly teased out in the open, but they way that he is around me tells me that is not the case.

[stella74]

I don't know, call me a little shallow, but I find it really hard to think this guy is shy, it's like not even a reality to me because he is extremely attractive, I am surprised other girls haven't paid him any attention. Seems like I am the only one.

 

I'm friends with some very attractive, nice men who are extremely shy. I've also dated shy men. My ex-fiance was somewhat shy. So I understand the dynamic. Good looking, shy men often have problems with women because women either use these guys as sort of a trophy (these women think that by being with a really good looking man it says something about their own desirability) or women think these men must already be taken. Often these men will get their hearts broken or they will end up single for a while, and it makes them even shyer.

 

Try to get to know him for who is beneath the physical attractiveness and he will open up to you. Keep smiling at him when you seem him. Even if it seems he's avoiding you, make sure to try to catch his eye and smile. Wave at him. Do anything to show him you're approachable and friendly.

[aurevoir]

Hm.. great advice.

basically just keep at it. Being persistent yet friendly towards him?

Im guessing he'll get the hint and want to approach by this?

 

This is really great advice1

[aurevoir]

You have hit the nail on the head. What shy guys want, how shy guys act and what shy guys say is usually contradictory. Just remember, actions speak louder than words, especially for shy people. Shy people will deny things, say things that aren't necessarily true, just to get out of feeling uncomfortable or if they are put on the spot. It's not that they are liars, they aren't intending to be dishonest, it's just their nerves take over and it's a coping mechanism of sorts. Usually, you can feel their tension, so you will know when it's happening. Trust your instincts.

 

It sucks though

because it's as if they are being rude. But they don't know how to react I guess haah!

[TouchNastY]

The modus operandi of shy guys (and of shy girls, I'd venture) is not being discovered.

 

They entertain a fantasy in their head, but do not want it to leak "outside," to the world, to other people, and let them find out. He likes you, but doesn't want anyone else to know - especially not you! This is why he flees the scene when you enter; he goes into system overload and has to leave before he gives himself away, so-to-speak. "Giving oneself away" is bad to a shy guy, because he isn't supposed to be found out, remember?

 

 

How do you combat this?

 

 

Let him know that you know he's shy. You can tease him with it: "What's wrong, you don't like me?" or you can be more upfront: "Hey, I know you're a little shy, but it's ok, I understand." Prefacing your interactions with this should set a safer environment in which he would be more apt to opening up. You also couldn't go wrong with just going up and sitting in his lap and saying "Holla."

 

Is he a late bloomer? I'd propose so, which would explain why his shy-guy personality is in odd juxtaposition with his attractive exterior, one stereotypically associated with one who is self-aware, and thus less inhibited.

 

 

You have to be transparent and create a safe environment, so he can share his secret.

[stella74]

basically just keep at it. Being persistent yet friendly towards him?

Im guessing he'll get the hint and want to approach by this?

 

Yes, exactly. Try not to focus so much on his avoidance. Focus on being warm and friendly towards him for the next month. If nothing changes, no matter what you say or do, then move on.

 

Also focus on other guys who might be interested in you. The problem with these sorts of situations is that you can get so hung up focusing on why a shy guy is behaving a certain way that you neglect to notice the guys around you that are trying to get your attention in order to approach you.

[givinggirl]

This is very good advice.

[Jake]

TouchNasty I agree on what you're saying but maybe it's just me but if a girl came and sat on my lap and I hardly knew her I wouldn't like that very much at all. Even if I liked her, that kind of action or forwardness would scream easy or another very not so nice word. However, I'm known to move slower and generally speaking I'm alittle more "old fashioned."

 

Just my 2 cents.

 

 

-Jake

[Pokemon]

You have hit the nail on the head. What shy guys want, how shy guys act and what shy guys say is usually contradictory. Just remember, actions speak louder than words, especially for shy people. Shy people will deny things, say things that aren't necessarily true, just to get out of feeling uncomfortable or if they are put on the spot. It's not that they are liars, they aren't intending to be dishonest, it's just their nerves take over and it's a coping mechanism of sorts. Usually, you can feel their tension, so you will know when it's happening. Trust your instincts.

 

this is also true for me. sometimes people come up to me on the spot when i dont feel like talking so i just say a few words then there is that awkward silence. i feel bad being rude not talking. i do get all nervous and do sweat and get a red face during some social interactions too.

[Green Mile]

If he really likes you, he probably feels a bit intimidated by you even though you may be not be doing anything to prompt this. Just the sight of you will intimidate him which explains him running away. Plus us shy guys don't know how to take compliments, it's awkward.

 

Just keep at it and like someone else said to try address his shyness and let him know you are fine with it, just joke around with him and show him you're into him.

[aurevoir]

If he really likes you, he probably feels a bit intimidated by you even though you may be not be doing anything to prompt this. Just the sight of you will intimidate him which explains him running away. Plus us shy guys don't know how to take compliments, it's awkward.

 

Just keep at it and like someone else said to try address his shyness and let him know you are fine with it, just joke around with him and show him you're into him.

 

I thought guys liked girls that took more initiative? Had no idea i'd scare the jesus out of him. I mean i came on friendly so.. i'll guess i'll keep trying.

 

See all this, when I am right then and there and he is acting like that I don't think "he really likes you he's just scared" the moment it happens. i think "yeah he's running away cause he doesn't like you!"

The thought of "yeah he likes you a lot" comes later on... but it still am left feeling like an idiot cause he can't seem to act normal round me.

[aurevoir]

Alright so....... i have an update.

I am so silly. This whole time... my phone wasn't working. I was not receiving ANY calls. At all. So guess what this means? My shy guy called me.

 

I figured this out because I called my father and he asked me "why don't you answer your phone." and I said "what? you never called.." and he said "i have been calling you for over a week."

 

I feel really really stupid. so... I am going to see him today and tell him my phone wasn't working at all. Geez he probably thinks I don't like him.

[Green Mile]

Oh good luck then!

[aurevoir]

Oh good luck then!

 

No I did not see him today! I came way too late... maybe tomorrow.

 

Or maybe he's really embarrassed and upset that i never returned his call so now he's avoiding me.

[lucky_charm]

I am waiting for an update on this one. I would love to know if you talk to him.

[Green Mile]

No I did not see him today! I came way too late... maybe tomorrow.

 

Or maybe he's really embarrassed and upset that i never returned his call so now he's avoiding me.

Tell him you only just realised he called as your phone wasn't working, ask him was there anything he wanted to say/ask?!

[aurevoir]

I am waiting for an update on this one. I would love to know if you talk to him.

 

Update, we seen each other, he kind of just followed me around.

I should have talked to him but i was really swamped with work so i literally had no time. I ended up leaving, and he followed right after.

Then he followed me to a grocery store

lol

thats pretty much what happened..................

[Jake]

Did you see him following you to the store? That's a bit creepy imho if that's the case.

 

 

Or was it by coincidence you were both at the store?