Do you think college could be a solution to my problems?

[bluekitsune13]

I'll try to keep this short. I'm sure nobody wants to read a book. XD

 

I'm a 21 year old guy to start. I have little relationship experience. I never dated in high school. I've gotten kissed by a girl, but that's as far as I've gone. I never wanted to date in high school, but now I think that I'm ready. Since high school I've been going to a community college, but I didn't find many girls my age in my classes. The demographics were more like 30's. I haven't gotten my degree yet, and I don't want to continue. Instead I think I want to take a new route.

 

My idea is to go off to a 4 year university, and live on campus. I figure I will kill a few birds with one stone. For one I'd be getting a better education. Second I will get experience living alone (seeing as I still live at home). And lastly, and I think most importantly, it would help me develop social skills. By being around people my own age and interacting with them, I think it could help me become more confident. I also want to try to find some girls to date on campus. Maybe even have sex... who knows? Although that idea is still very foreign to me.

 

My only fear is that this idea is my last chance. If I go to college and I don't find anyone, I'll be a virgin forever. Doomed to wander the world as a lone soul. I'm trying to be optimistic, but the idea always is in the back of my mind.

 

So for my question, do you think living on campus and interacting with other students can help my social skills? How much dating and sex goes on in college? I'm a quite introverted individual, but I'm hoping to do some experimenting that I neglected to do in high school.

[Shallow]

So for my question, do you think living on campus and interacting with other students can help my social skills? How much dating and sex goes on in college? I'm a quite introverted individual, but I'm hoping to do some experimenting that I neglected to do in high school.

If you (and/or your folks) can afford it, most definitely. Not only are the social aspects very important for someone of your age, the educational benefits will pay off down the road later in life as well (assuming you don't put too much emphasis on the social and neglect the education).

[easyguy]

Being around your peers all the time will open you up. Sounds like a good idea to me, but as Shallow said, don't neglect the hang with getting work done.

 

I've never gone to a university (I went to a community college for 2 years and am in my 3rd and last year at a small, performing arts college), but have greatly developed my social skills by being around my peers... through school or not. To be honest, I'm getting tired of seeing the same group of faces every day. I cannot wait until I graduate so I can take on a larger community of people. It's been kind of brainwashing.

 

College will help you, no less, but it's not everything. A lot of different factors have made me who I am now, socially. Traveling, doing what I love, forming new connections outside of school, et cetera.

[bluekitsune13]

Well I've been in therapy for 3 months now trying to uncover some of my fears. What is most prevalent is my lack of self esteem, and a bit of narcissism. I've tried taking baby steps, but it often doesn't work. I'm kind of thinking that by taking a huge risk, and a huge leap forward, it would force me to sink or swim. There are too many distractions going on around me now, so I think a change of scenery would be worth it. The school I'm looking at is $16,000 per semester for tuition, housing, meals, etc. Of course minus scholarships and all that stuff too. I only have enough savings for almost 3 semesters worth, so the rest I'd have to hope for scholarships or loans. But any money invested in yourself is well spent, right?

[Shallow]

But any money invested in yourself is well spent, right?

Indeed. Just don't go into it thinking it's going to be a miracle solution to whatever problems you may have. You're still going to have to work at it, and make an agreement with yourself to change some of the bad habits you've developed thus far. The change of scenery and the greater opportunity to socialize with those who have similar interests to your own will be a great catalyst, but you'll still have to make the reaction happen. It sounds like you want to, which is more than half the battle.

[arnoldlayne]

As someone who was pretty much in your shoes when I went to college, I wouldn't say college is the SOLUTION, but it does provide a great OPPORTUNITY to advance your education and social life. Any positive change has to come from within you. It won't just magically happen when you pay tuition.

 

Don't look at it like it's your "last chance" to get involved with someone, but instead a fresh start toward a new direction. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders, and have the ability to correct past mistakes to improve your life.

 

College is a good time though, and if you surround yourself with the right people, you'll learn a lot about social interactions -- and even more importantly, yourself. Try new things (safely), put yourself in unfamiliar positions from time to time and have fun. You'll get more confident as time goes on, and realize you aren't running out of time to meet someone as long as you're happy with yourself.

[wsim]

Like what the others have said, it isn't the solution by any means but a great opportunity if you play your cards right. I'm one of the few who did not achieve any success when it comes to relationships in college/university. It seems that I have interacted and surrounded myself with the wrong people..... sure, I met some great friends here and there but never was able to click or come up with a date for any girl throughout my 4+ years at university.

 

Not from a lack of trying either. I was unlucky and things never worked out in my favour. You should focus on building that social network and start from there.

 

Good luck! I am sure that you will do well with this. Better than me, hopefully.

[bluekitsune13]

Well thanks for all the replies. I'm trying to stay optimistic about it all. I'm going to try to eliminate as many variables as I can to give me the most chance to succeed. I think the hardest part is that in order to succeed, I have to become exactly the kind of guy that I hate.

 

By that guy, I mean the guy that is confident with girls, wears brand name stuff, has a lot of friends, etc. In school those were the types of guys that bullied me, and I think I still harbor much resentment towards those kinds of individuals. But to put that aside, they do have much more going for them in the social arena than I do. The only reason I didn't want to imitate them is because then "they would win." Why should I abandon who I am? But what if who I am is not who I want to be? So I think the advice of "being myself" is bollocks, and I need to fake it. That's my plan.

 

I think that if I act confident, and imitate alpha male behavior, I might have a shot. I'll probably make a lot of mistakes and look like a * * * * * * * , but I think that's all part of the learning process. I think that by faking it, I won't run the risk of becoming the kind of person I hate, because I will still be genuine on the inside. If that makes sense. XD

[startinover]

By that guy, I mean the guy that is confident with girls, wears brand name stuff, has a lot of friends, etc. In school those were the types of guys that bullied me, and I think I still harbor much resentment towards those kinds of individuals. But to put that aside, they do have much more going for them in the social arena than I do. The only reason I didn't want to imitate them is because then "they would win." Why should I abandon who I am?

 

Sounds like you have a lot of work ahead of you ;-)

 

I used to be in your shoes and I've changed a lot over the years. I'm 30 for the record. I had tons of friends and acquaintances in college. I'll give you some suggestions that have worked for me.

 

1) I'm STILL rather quiet until I'm comfortable with people. I conquer this by being a good person who laughs and talks to people I feel comfortable with. If you ever feel uncomfortable, remove yourself from the situation and figure out why. If you need to make it known, make it known.

 

2) If people make fun or goof on you, you should speak up unless there is some sort of threat involved.

 

3) There is nothing wrong with dressing how you want, UNLESS you are dirty or smelly. The past is the past. Dress the way you want, and be happy and you'll attract people regardless. If you like the way THEY dress, you can dress like them without becoming them. Not everybody who puts on a suit and tie is a sleazebag type of salesperson for example.

 

4) There is nothing wrong with being introverted, but being shy will not get you far. If you have a point to make in class, speak up. If you don't understand something, ask about it, so you can learn and be informed. If someone goofs on that, ignore them, or call them a know it all. Nobody knows everything. Nobody. Everybody started somewhere, and it's not right to play on that.

 

5) You don't have to become anything but confident about who you are, what you like, and what you don't like. Brad Pitt is not for everybody. Just look at this site and the different opinions women have about men.

 

6) By being fake, you throw people off and you hurt yourself in the long run. By being fake, people don't know you, and you don't get to know anybody. If you act like you're made of steel, you're putting too much of a burden on yourself, and you're asking for problems to pile up.

 

7) The sooner you try, and get mistakes out of the way, the sooner you can focus on the solutions. It's okay to mess up. Just try not to make incredibly huge mistakes that mess things up for a long time.

 

8 ) If you're good to yourself, and good to others, and don't let yourself get taken advantage of, you will eventually develop relationships with many people and women will become a part of that.

 

9) You'll naturally become a busy person with classes, people, and things to do.

 

10) Study and study hard! The workforce is a tough place. Do things right in college and it'll help your future tremendously.