beckkkk Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 Not sure if any of you will remember me. I have posted a few times about my husband, him claiming he wanted to wait until marriage for sex cause he "wanted to do it right this time", yet there has been no sex since we have married! We met in July 2006. We have lived together since January 2007. We married May 31, 2008. I was understanding about the no sex before marriage. However, the feeling of being "had" came on our wedding night. You would THINK he would have been ready to go yet he rolled over with his back to me and went to sleep. He promised me he would get help, that he didn't know what was wrong....he has yet to get help. This is a man who sees a doctor regularly but it has not been a priority for him to speak to the doctor about it. Yep, you guessed it, still no sex almost 2 years after we married! The man has never touched me anywhere, in a romantic, sexual way, ever! Let me add that the entire time, since January 2007, I have supported him. He has not worked, claiming he moved to be with me and gave up everything. He spends 1 week out of the month out of town at his mothers, of which I have become increasingly happy when he is gone. He claims he has to go there to help his mother. The thing is, his mother has a grown son and daughter who live IN HER HOUSE! A weekend trip once a month would be fine, but a week? He takes medication for "chronic pain". I have witnessed a number of withdrawal episodes, doctor shopping, doctors firing him, he even came to my place of employment once and threatened the staff(looking for pain medication). Oh, he even threatened to call the cops once and try to get me arrested(I did absolutely nothing, he was going to make up something, he is an ex-cop), because I refused to take him to the doctor for MORE MEDS!. As I type this I see just what kind of man he is. I have had it! I am tired of feeling unloved, unwanted, undesirable. I am not a bad person. I guess I have woken up and realized I am worthy of love and being treated with respect. I have an appointment with a lawyer to look into divorce/ annulment! Link to comment
Annie123 Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 I'm glad your meeting a solicitor, thats not a marriage..a marriage is where to people promise to be together on an emotionals and physical level. Ihave no idead how you have gone 2yrs and not received the attentio or love you rightly deserve from your husband. he's leeching of you, why would you want to be with someone like that? who doesn't work or pull his wait, is not supporting or loving towards you. i think your doing the right thing, get a divorce/annulment and then find someone who does really and truly love you and wants to be with you and won't take advantage of you. best wishes annie Link to comment
jaygirl Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 In this case i think i am in support of your decision. He decieved you before the marriage. I can understand how much pain you are in. I wish everything works out fine. you deserve better Link to comment
d24 Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 i remember your previous posts and i remember what the ENA members were suggesting back then, I'm glad months later you've finally come to your senses and realised this is very unlikely to change because he is either incapable or simply unwilling to. Best of luck getting the divorce finalised, don't let him guilt you into staying, you deserve more! Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 Go for for it girl. That isn't a marriage... 2 YEARS??!! I can't even imagine... Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 I am not sure why the "no sex" was the main focus. The "no sex" is simply a symptom of the deep emotional issues this man has. The real isssue is not that you married a man who didn't want sex, but that you married a man who seems to have used you for a meal ticket and bank account. A man who has a very bizarre, unhealthy family dynamic, a man who has an addiction to pain killers, a man who quite possibly is visiting prostitutes on his weekends away or at times when you are out (remember he doesn't work so he has all day if he wants to get sexual needs met). It is good that you are finally looking to get out of this relationship. When you talk to your lawyer you should address how to protect yourself..I am not sure if this guy will get violent once he knows his free ride with you is over. Link to comment
beckkkk Posted March 18, 2010 Author Share Posted March 18, 2010 I didnt't necessarily mean to make the "no sex" the main focus. What I was trying to say is I have posted here before about that issue but I now see a much bigger picture. I have seen it all along I have chosen to deny it until now. As for him getting violent, that is a concern. Ironically his ex-wife accused him of rape when they split up and he went to prison until the courts overturned the decision(I find that funny...rape..no sex, very unhealthy man). He has much hatred towards her over this. Yes, as you can guess, I found this out AFTER we had married. He once told me that the next woman who "screws him over" can consider herself dead....UGH! Link to comment
KG Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 Get rid of this guy. You deserve better. I'm glad you've woken up. Link to comment
sidehop Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 He once told me that the next woman who "screws him over" can consider herself dead....UGH! It could be that he has other issues besides not wanting to have sex, something deep down emotionally whether it's his past or any medical condition. In either way it sounds very unhealthy for you. Link to comment
CrazyKing Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 To me, it sounds like he's an impotent junkie or has severe problems regarding emotional closeness (often the result of medication abuse)... I'd suggest a psychologist who's specialized in people who have dependency problems... Link to comment
diamond78 Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 I so remember you when you posted right after getting married and everything was screaming for an annulment. I guess it's no surprise that there are even bigger issues to deal with now, although unfortunate. I'm glad you can see this man is clearly unstable and a con-artist as well. If you married in the Catholic Church you can get an easy annulment for this situation and divorce is definitely in order. You'll drive yourself crazy trying to deal with person. I hope you will be able to sever the ties! Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 It sounds like the lack of sex was the least of the problems. You married a deadbeat junkie. Let me guess: oxycontin. I'm so sorry. Liberate yourself and protect your assets as much and as quickly as you can. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted March 19, 2010 Share Posted March 19, 2010 It sounds like the lack of sex was the least of the problems. You married a deadbeat junkie. Let me guess: oxycontin. I'm so sorry. Liberate yourself and protect your assets as much and as quickly as you can. I agree. Not only aren't you sexually compatible....he LIED to you and pretended to be someone he's not. He's a momma's boy. He's a leech. He does NOTHING. You should have got rid of him 2 years ago. Link to comment
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